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So.... talking to my mother this morning and she brings up the idea that if I just skip the wedding she will take that money, + a couple thousand more and we can put it down for a house. I honestly never considered buying a house because I live in Miami, the houses are more expensive than they are worth, and I'm a Northerner and have only found a couple houses in the entire area that would be okay enough for me. I'm also in law school and just never thought we would be able to afford a house for at least 5+ years. I ran it by the FI and he jumped at the idea. He's more excited about the house and fixing stuff than he was about the wedding. I get how much smarter it would be, and we can always have a wedding down the line, or another one if we just do the courthouse route. It's funny because I never even wanted a wedding before I got the planning bug- I was content on having a courthouse ceremony and that would be it but now I'm having a hard time letting it go. I'm even looking at pretty courthouses online just in case. I can hire a photog, get a cute short white dress, and have a small intimate reception dinner right?
Could you stop your planning right now if it meant buying a house?
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We want both and can afford both at this time. However my dad had a hard time with that because he thought the wedding was a waste of money and we could put it towards the new house to have a minimal loan amount. He is still bitter about it but OH WELL.
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Honestly if we still had a decent amount of time left, and hadn't already put down all these deposits......I would have a very small simple wedding in a heartbeat..ESPECIALLY if it meant we could get a house!
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We had to make this same decision. We're saving most of our wedding money for a house down the road!! I will say that once the planning bug hit- we've spent more on the wedding than I previously wanted to. Good luck with the decision. You could always buy the house and throw a fat wedding party at the house a la Miss Cheese. Just and idea.
Wedding is a day, a house is an investment... and what a good time to buy one. They are definitely not overvalued now!
Could you channel your planning energy into a Miss Mary Jane type wedding? You could make it just as special and amazing on a teeny tiny budget :)
Well, that's exactly what I did. We just were driving one day lamenting about money :) and decided that we just did not want to spend all that money on a huge wedding. We wanted a house! However, this is a personal decision and up to you what is important to you. Make a list and talk talk talk!
Biased opinion- buy the house! :P
Have you already done a lot of planning? My Fiance and I were already set on getting a house together before we got engaged, so once we did get engaged we set the wedding date two years from then so we could save for the wedding after getting the house. If you can wait, or be fulfilled with the courthouse wedding then by all means do it! But if you will wish for your big wedding it might be worth waiting for? Sorry I realize I am no help! In my opinion, I would do the house!
I second the suggestion to follow Miss Mary Jane. It's amazing how much planning is actually going into her wedding.
My father offered the same deal to me...but when I met my FI, he already owned a house. And now dad isn't willing to contribute anything...
Take the deal and have a big party at the new pad!
I would LOVE to buy a house and would definitely take it over our wedding. We could probably buy one now, but we're both working jobs right now mostly for the paycheck and each plan on more school/career changes soon. So we want to hold off until we know we're stable and can handle a mortgage.
If you choose to go for the house, you could always have a house-warming/wedding BBQ as your big bash! I think that'd be really fun. You've got some time to decide and talk it over more, right? Good luck making a decision!
Wow, what an incredible opportunity! I personally was never in this situation, we both already owned a house prior to getting married, but that is becuase for each of us being a homeowner and having a long term investment was a really high priority.
Assuming I was in your shoes, I would go with the house. Why becuase its an investment. A marriage is an investment too, but the wedding is not. I am just speaking pure logic, sorry! I wouldn't buy the house of course without getting legally married in your case just for simple protection. I would likely do the courthouse wedding and maybe through a reception at *gasp* the new house (assuming that you have a yard to do so) or maybe have a BBQ reception at a local park etc. Satisfying both requirements assuming you had the money!
Think about it! Its a serious commitment to own a home but a rewarding one. It may however be more important to you to have the wedding, so good luck making this very difficult decision!
Hmmm...I personally wouldn't have given up my wedding. Maybe its because I live in Oklahoma and home prices here are super super cheap so we are able to buy a house and have a wedding at the same time. The way I see it, yes, its a LOT of money for a wedding.. and that money could go towards something that is more practical like a house... but there arent any other chances in life to have a huge party in celebration of you and your FH... there is never another time to wear a fabulous dress and have all of your friends and family get together in honor of you... but thats just my opinion... I wouldnt have traded my wedding for anything!
My parents wrote us an unconditional check when we got married and said we could use it toward our wedding, or put it in savings, or buy a car or whatever (We already owned our home at that point). Needless to say, we chose the wedding. It all comes down to what you want to do in your hearts. We wanted the wedding, and we don't regret it one bit. If you put your mind to it, you can save for a house while/after having a wedding, or if the idea of taking the easier road towards homeownership by skipping the Big Wedding and knowing you can get into a house NOW, then go that route. We don't regret the wedding. BUT, I do feel like if we only needed XXX dollars to put a downpayment on a house, and there it was, a gift from our parents... we would have put it into the house (and lived with slivers of regret about not having a big wedding... just small slivers... after all, its a HOUSE!)
My fiancée and I saved up money to get married two yrs ago, however, once we began planning, we accidently saw a house we loved and decided to spend the money on that instead. Since we both come from very traditional Catholic families, it was hard getting them on board with the idea of “living together before getting married,” but at the end we did it our way. But to honor our families’ traditions, we raised the money again and are now getting the wedding we always wanted in October of this year, and we have the house we love. And I don’t regret pushing the wedding back or upsetting our parents, because we not only have a house now, we have a home! So I say…buy the house! At the end, everything worked out.
Suggestion-
Have elegant intimate soiree or wedding and reception..someplace lovely. Then have a small but beautiful cake - food-brunch,lunch or tea is inexpensive especially done small and most venues discount for booking wedding and reception at the same site. To customize ad small personal touches. This way home is still viable and no one is completely disappointed.
Hope this helps.
Bree Brookes Robinson www.aposhplan.com
Wow, I am super surprised by how many people are saying go with the house! I have to admit that I would be really torn in your situation... But I think we'd ultimately choose the wedding. The thing is, for us, we both recently graduated from law school (FI two years ago and me one year ago) and finally have some good income... now we have the money to travel, go to nice dinners, and buy the things that we could not afford as students for years, you know? If we bought a home right now, we would not be able to do as much of that. And since we're likely to have good income as long as we're able to work, we'll get the house when we're ready. We're going to be together for the rest of our lives, we're going to have the rest of our lives to work, make mortgage payments, have kids, etc. So what's the rush?
Now, any financial advisor would tell you that it makes more sense to make the investment in a home right now (the prices! the tax credit! the tax deductions!), but you just have to go with what's more important to you.
I thought it was interesting that you said you could have a wedding down the road... but would you? Would you want to? For me, you get married once and have the wedding, and you can always buy the house down the road when you're ready to be tied down. And then you can have fabulous anniversary parties in your home, when the time comes.
I just wanted to add a perspective that hasn't really been represented much on here already... definitely keep us updated--I would love to hear what you decide!
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My FH and I bought a house in December. We are getting married next summer. We knew we wanted both, and thought we would be ok to get both. So far so go. We scaled back a little on both as well. The house is a perfect starter and we are having a smaller wedding. But it will be so nice to not have to move after the wedding.....and it is super great to paint you house instead of asking your land lord ;-) A real sense of acomplishment came over me when we got the key and went over to check it out one more time before we moved our stuff in. We did a victory lap around the empty livingroom and danced our happy dance until we were out of breath.
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I am very fortunate that my parents are very generously paying for our wedding. They also said that if we wanted to take the money and run (for a downpayment on a house), we could do so. FI jumped at this opportunity, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I really wanted to have a traditional-type wedding and throw a party for all of our family and friends who have been there for us over the years.
We are buying a house in the next few months in any event, but putting less down than we would have if we took the wedding money.
Keep in mind the first time home buyers credit. It might help to buy the house first then use that money you get back to help pay for the wedding. You can ask any tax professional about the ins and outs of the credit. It is a pretty good deal all in all. We took it and used it to buy appliances and fix up the bathroom. We have a little left over to go towwards the wedding.
Good Luck
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VanCaster- your house is absolutely adorable. That is the type of house I would want- one with charm, but it seems like nothing like that exists in S. Florida.
Thanks so much for your input. My FI didn't even get the entire sentence out before people said "Go with the house". A lot of people were telling him that they wished they did that and even there wives now said that they should have done that instead.
We decided to take the money and buy a house. We are starting to look now but I won't bite until we find one I can see myself living in. Plus, we had to consider the tax credit which makes it a great time to buy especially when the housing prices are so low. It would be different if I still lived in NE or KS where we could afford a big house in the suburbs now, but we live in paradise and have to consider how great the housing prices are now in a place like this. His parents are even willing to contribute because they think its the smarter idea too.
I was never working under the idea that my wedding day would be the best day of my life, or even close to that because the day my son was born washed any idea of wedding being in the top 5 out of there, so it really isn't hard to let it go by. I'm most sad to let go of my invitations and save the dates I planned on doing. Plus we were going to do a wedding music video like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlGEhXJnPoc&feature=channel_page and everyone was on board, so I'm sad to see that go as well. We decided that instead of having the wedding we would go to a pretty courthouse, hire a photog, and get married- and I picked City Hall in San Fran. I'm pretty excited about that, and even bought a cute dress already.
I think you've made a great decision, including the Court House... SF has the most beautiful City Hall in my opinion! Happy house hunting! (Does this mean you are moving up your wedding date, or is it going to stay the same?)
Josalyn, that was a tough decision you had to make, and I feel like you made a big sacrifice for your FI and the health of your financial future. Personally, I got the same offer from my father and could not give up the wedding. The money wasn't enough for a whole downpayment anyway. I also have a friend who took the money and ran, and she is already regretting it. She is planning a ten-year vowel renewal thingy.
I'm very fortunate though, I must say. My FI is a military veteran, and as such he can get a house loan with no downpayment. So that's what we're planning to do :) We also picked an area that was really cheap so we could afford something nice!
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If i had the choice (and the money) I'd definately jump at the chance for the house. Granted you only plan on having one wedding, and you want it to be special, but you can always do something lower key to officiate the day and maybe two or three years down the road do something big. My brother and sister in law eloped, which really upset my family, but they used the the equity in their home later on to do a really nice wedding.
Josalyn-
You took the words right out of my mouth- San Francisco City Hall is absolutely gorgeous. You can get married at the rotunda which is gorgeous. Two friends of mine were in a similar situation to yours about five years ago. They decided to bring their family and friends to city hall for their wedding. It was very sweet, just as meaningful, and I would think far less stressful. They held their reception at the clubhouse of their apartment complex, down in South Beach. The money that they saved was put towards a house in their hometown of Chicago.
You can STILL use your Save the Dates/Invitations for your house wedding. I LOVE the pictures from this real backyard wedding courtesy of Style Me Pretty.
http://www.stylemepretty.com/2008/09/09/a-real-wedding-heather-and-kevin-iv/
Best of luck!
I am going to have a small wedding for intimate friends and family so that we can use most of the money towards our new house. As much as I want to have a fairytale wedding, it will only be 5 hours long and out of all the people I've talked to it's just not worth spending all that money.
There are many things you can do to cut costs. Have a large party for co-workers and friends if you feel it will cost too much to have them all there and just invite a close few to your wedding. Good luck
My parents said at one point that we could take the money they would give us for the wedding and use it toward a house. I thought about it briefly and I know my FI would be happy to have taken them up on the offer. I know that being married is all that is important, not the huge reception and everything but I didnt want to give up a huge wedding. I know down the line we will be able to get our own house, probably not for a few years but I knew if I didnt have the wedding I would regret it later.
we are doing both, I am planning a wedding with a budget of 15,000 which ballooned into 18,000, but because me and my fiance are so frugal, we can still afford to have it at the elegant Waldorf in NYC (I'm having only 50 people and I asked for personal favors, have tons of DIY and haggled like crazy) a honey moon and enough down payment for a house for us and my sister ( I promised my mom I would help her)
We can buy a house and pay in full because he's British and a starter home there costs only 57,000 pounds , with my savings and his savings we can pay for it right off the bat if we want to but I may keep a chunk for savings for an emergency, I'm so excited because I've been renting so long, it'll be so exciting to not only buy something but actually pay for it; makes you think when you spend too much money that's why I have always been mindful of what I spend because I knew I didn't want to blow my life savings on one day
Mr. Mary Jane and I talked a lot about what we wanted to do, and we decided a house was a much better investment in our future than a wedding, which is frivilous to us and not a priority. (I'm not knocking anyone who had or is having one - I'm just sayin!).
We already own our house, but I would totally have traded house for wedding!
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Good for you! I think you'll be so happy in the long run! Have fun in SF!
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That is really exciting, I think a house is a more sensible decision. In fact its the motivation for wanting a small wedding and a minimoon at most for me.
Honestly, I don't any of us have nearly enough info to give you good advice. And some of it is personal. How long are you planing to live in the area? How long would you live in that house? Are you buying in an outer suburb, or in the city? Condo or stand alone? Is your credit good? Do you plan on having a family soon?
These are all FAR more important than wedding v. house. Buying a house is NOT always a good financial decision. It is first and foremost a place to live, far second an investment. THere are literally hundreds of thousands of foreclosed houses in the US that were "investments".
Now, I faced a similar decision (mine was big wedding or house; we can afford a nice, intimate wedding on our own) and chose house. Hence, I am not down on ownership. I' just a little shocked that everyone seems to be giving you super positive advice, and not discussing that this is a risky time to buy a house, especially if you are trying to time the market in order to flip relatively quickly.
If you can get a good loan (not easy right now), AND you plan to live there for 5 or more years, AND you are buying a house that has good underlying value, then you should buy. Otherwise, the risk is too great. No one has any idea when we will see price growth again in the housing market. Furthermore, from buying patterns, it appears in many areas that those outer suburbs may have taken a long-term hit in value. Too much volatility, unless you are in a good situation.
I just want to jump in with this - my parents footed the bill for my first wedding, and AFTER the ceremony my mom said, "You know, we would have just given you all this money for a house."
Thanks, Mom! 
I was really grateful that my parents took care of all of that expense, but sheesh - I would have jumped on that offer in a heartbeat. Some people can't stomach the idea of giving up their wedding, though.
Could you just meet in the middle? Simple ceremony + house?
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Congratulations on the house. Happy Shopping. My FI and I looked at 5 houses before we decided the one we wanted. It was the first one we looked at. I absolutely loved it from the beginning. Kinda like my future husband. I knew it was the one for me.
We are having a small intimate wedding because we are currently building our house and rather put the money to good use. In my opionon I never was big on weddings and feel people over spend these days on weddings for what..a day of partying? Try putting that money into savings for your future, I just dont get it. But anyways, what I found when I read your post is that you are not set on where you live enough to buy a house. While the house is a better investment in the long run, not only financially but for your future, think do you want to have kids soon or do you want to travel, go to expensive dinners, blah blah like I have read. When buying a home, you need to be in love with where you are at, because its not always gauranteed you can turn right around and sell it. Look at the market now, its a buyers market but it sure is not a sellers market! You and your FH need to really talk this one out, its a great opportunity for you to put the money towards the house, the more money down, the less of a loan you have to take out or save it and puts toward the furnishings of the house. Honestly my FI and I are having more fun building the house and picking things out, going to our land etc then we would planning the wedding. But you dont sound sure so you really need to talk and think this out. I agree with you could have a wedding down the road, but save it for a big anniversary like your 10th.
My FI & I bought our home three years ago this week. It meant that we had to wait a while (ok, four years!) before we could have the wedding we wanted, but it was definitely the right decision for us. We love our house & it has made our lives so much better.
My FI already owns a great little house, so luckily we did not have to make that decision! But if it came down to it, I probably would have chosen the house, especially if family were gifting us the money for a down payment.
My FI and I are doing both, we have a dreamh ome in mind and a dream wedding. We didnt want to cut either, so we are scaling back on both. We are going to get a small starter home, hopefully this summer, then we scaled back ALOT on our wedding in 1 1/2 years. WE chose the long engagement to give us more time to save.
I think a home lasts a lot longer than the wedding day, but it really does come down to what you want. I cant give up my dream wedding of sharing our day with family and friends, but I was willing to scale back on a lot of other things, like photographer, cake, no honeymoon, etc. When it comes to the house, we are starting super small and hopefully in a few years we can upgrade.
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kudos for making such a difficult decision. Our options were easy (between house and wedding) because my parents were only paying for the wedding, not a house and because my fiance is in seminary and we will be relocating (to who knows where) in three years and didn't want to invest in something that short-term.
Your courthouse wedding in San Fran still sounds terribly romantic!
Yay it sounds lovely! You can still have a mini wedding and wear a pretty dress, get your pics, etc
Now you'll have a lovely place to raise your son and husband....everyone knows we raise them right, too! LoL
Thank you all for your advice and support. monitajb- yes, we have considered everything and more. Our credit is great, and we are pre-approved for a substantial mortgage, since we live in Miami we aren't really worried about not being able to sell it if the market doesn't get better because we can always rent it out. My husband is set on living here because of his job and so we will be here for a while. Don't worry we did our homework, and are still doing our homework because I have no clue about most of this stuff. I feel like after I finish all this I could change my focus to real estate law, lol. Luckily we have friends and family who have gone through the process and help us out.
ejs4y8- yes, we do raise them too! (Or at least it seems that way)
doctorgirl- Not sure about the date. Because of my school schedule it will either be during winter or Spring break- I'll post the pictures here of course. We also continue to do our 2 engagement sessions, 1 at an amusement park with me, the FI, and son, the other with just the FI and I at a museum.
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