Post # 1
So…. talking to my mother this morning and she brings up the idea that if I just skip the wedding she will take that money, + a couple thousand more and we can put it down for a house. I honestly never considered buying a house because I live in Miami, the houses are more expensive than they are worth, and I’m a Northerner and have only found a couple houses in the entire area that would be okay enough for me. I’m also in law school and just never thought we would be able to afford a house for at least 5+ years. I ran it by the FI and he jumped at the idea. He’s more excited about the house and fixing stuff than he was about the wedding. I get how much smarter it would be, and we can always have a wedding down the line, or another one if we just do the courthouse route. It’s funny because I never even wanted a wedding before I got the planning bug- I was content on having a courthouse ceremony and that would be it but now I’m having a hard time letting it go. I’m even looking at pretty courthouses online just in case. I can hire a photog, get a cute short white dress, and have a small intimate reception dinner right?
Could you stop your planning right now if it meant buying a house?
Post # 3
We want both and can afford both at this time. However my dad had a hard time with that because he thought the wedding was a waste of money and we could put it towards the new house to have a minimal loan amount. He is still bitter about it but OH WELL.
Post # 4
Honestly if we still had a decent amount of time left, and hadn’t already put down all these deposits……I would have a very small simple wedding in a heartbeat..ESPECIALLY if it meant we could get a house!
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2018 - Hotel Vitale
We had to make this same decision. We’re saving most of our wedding money for a house down the road!! I will say that once the planning bug hit- we’ve spent more on the wedding than I previously wanted to. Good luck with the decision. You could always buy the house and throw a fat wedding party at the house a la Miss Cheese. Just and idea.
Post # 6
Wedding is a day, a house is an investment… and what a good time to buy one. They are definitely not overvalued now!
Could you channel your planning energy into a Miss Mary Jane type wedding? You could make it just as special and amazing on a teeny tiny budget 🙂
Post # 7
Well, that’s exactly what I did. We just were driving one day lamenting about money 🙂 and decided that we just did not want to spend all that money on a huge wedding. We wanted a house! However, this is a personal decision and up to you what is important to you. Make a list and talk talk talk!
Biased opinion- buy the house! 😛
Post # 8
Have you already done a lot of planning? My Fiance and I were already set on getting a house together before we got engaged, so once we did get engaged we set the wedding date two years from then so we could save for the wedding after getting the house. If you can wait, or be fulfilled with the courthouse wedding then by all means do it! But if you will wish for your big wedding it might be worth waiting for? Sorry I realize I am no help! In my opinion, I would do the house!
Post # 9
I second the suggestion to follow Miss Mary Jane. It’s amazing how much planning is actually going into her wedding.
My father offered the same deal to me…but when I met my FI, he already owned a house. And now dad isn’t willing to contribute anything…
Take the deal and have a big party at the new pad!
Post # 10
I would LOVE to buy a house and would definitely take it over our wedding. We could probably buy one now, but we’re both working jobs right now mostly for the paycheck and each plan on more school/career changes soon. So we want to hold off until we know we’re stable and can handle a mortgage.
If you choose to go for the house, you could always have a house-warming/wedding BBQ as your big bash! I think that’d be really fun. You’ve got some time to decide and talk it over more, right? Good luck making a decision!
Post # 11
Wow, what an incredible opportunity! I personally was never in this situation, we both already owned a house prior to getting married, but that is becuase for each of us being a homeowner and having a long term investment was a really high priority.
Assuming I was in your shoes, I would go with the house. Why becuase its an investment. A marriage is an investment too, but the wedding is not. I am just speaking pure logic, sorry! I wouldn’t buy the house of course without getting legally married in your case just for simple protection. I would likely do the courthouse wedding and maybe through a reception at *gasp* the new house (assuming that you have a yard to do so) or maybe have a BBQ reception at a local park etc. Satisfying both requirements assuming you had the money!
Think about it! Its a serious commitment to own a home but a rewarding one. It may however be more important to you to have the wedding, so good luck making this very difficult decision!
Post # 12
Hmmm…I personally wouldn’t have given up my wedding. Maybe its because I live in Oklahoma and home prices here are super super cheap so we are able to buy a house and have a wedding at the same time. The way I see it, yes, its a LOT of money for a wedding.. and that money could go towards something that is more practical like a house… but there arent any other chances in life to have a huge party in celebration of you and your FH… there is never another time to wear a fabulous dress and have all of your friends and family get together in honor of you… but thats just my opinion… I wouldnt have traded my wedding for anything!
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
My parents wrote us an unconditional check when we got married and said we could use it toward our wedding, or put it in savings, or buy a car or whatever (We already owned our home at that point). Needless to say, we chose the wedding. It all comes down to what you want to do in your hearts. We wanted the wedding, and we don’t regret it one bit. If you put your mind to it, you can save for a house while/after having a wedding, or if the idea of taking the easier road towards homeownership by skipping the Big Wedding and knowing you can get into a house NOW, then go that route. We don’t regret the wedding. BUT, I do feel like if we only needed XXX dollars to put a downpayment on a house, and there it was, a gift from our parents… we would have put it into the house (and lived with slivers of regret about not having a big wedding… just small slivers… after all, its a HOUSE!)
Post # 14
My fiancée and I saved up money to get married two yrs ago, however, once we began planning, we accidently saw a house we loved and decided to spend the money on that instead. Since we both come from very traditional Catholic families, it was hard getting them on board with the idea of “living together before getting married,” but at the end we did it our way. But to honor our families’ traditions, we raised the money again and are now getting the wedding we always wanted in October of this year, and we have the house we love. And I don’t regret pushing the wedding back or upsetting our parents, because we not only have a house now, we have a home! So I say…buy the house! At the end, everything worked out.
Post # 15
Have elegant intimate soiree or wedding and reception..someplace lovely. Then have a small but beautiful cake – food-brunch,lunch or tea is inexpensive especially done small and most venues discount for booking wedding and reception at the same site. To customize ad small personal touches. This way home is still viable and no one is completely disappointed.
Hope this helps.
Bree Brookes Robinson http://www.aposhplan.com
Post # 16
Wow, I am super surprised by how many people are saying go with the house! I have to admit that I would be really torn in your situation… But I think we’d ultimately choose the wedding. The thing is, for us, we both recently graduated from law school (FI two years ago and me one year ago) and finally have some good income… now we have the money to travel, go to nice dinners, and buy the things that we could not afford as students for years, you know? If we bought a home right now, we would not be able to do as much of that. And since we’re likely to have good income as long as we’re able to work, we’ll get the house when we’re ready. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives, we’re going to have the rest of our lives to work, make mortgage payments, have kids, etc. So what’s the rush?
Now, any financial advisor would tell you that it makes more sense to make the investment in a home right now (the prices! the tax credit! the tax deductions!), but you just have to go with what’s more important to you.
I thought it was interesting that you said you could have a wedding down the road… but would you? Would you want to? For me, you get married once and have the wedding, and you can always buy the house down the road when you’re ready to be tied down. And then you can have fabulous anniversary parties in your home, when the time comes.
I just wanted to add a perspective that hasn’t really been represented much on here already… definitely keep us updated–I would love to hear what you decide!