Have any of you asked a bridesmaid to step down?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Have you ever asked a BM to step down?
    Yes : (10 votes)
    23 %
    No : (31 votes)
    72 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Lame. But it would be more drama than it’s worth to ask her to step down. Just don’t give her any important jobs. Chances are she’ll show up and it will all be fine. But it wouldn’t hurt to have a back up plan in case she didn’t.

    Some of my family was concerned my brother wouldn’t show up, so I knew what we would do with the procession if he wasn’t there, since he was one of my bridesguys. But he was there on time and looking smashing! It was actually my step brother who falked out and was a no show. But life went on.

    Post # 4
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @BakerBee16:  Your BMs are supposed to help calm you down not cause more stress for the wedding. Get her alone and talk to her. Maybe there I something else going on that she hasn’t or is afraid to talk to you about. Talk to her, then if she still doesn’t seem to care, drop her.

    Post # 5
    Hostess
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    It sounds like there’s something going on with her. I would try to reconnect as a friend (i.e. no wedding talk) and see what’s going on. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d talk to her too. I wish I had talked to my BM/friend of 20 years before my wedding about her strange behavior, because we are no longer friends now. It’s a whole long story and quite different than yours, but I think if you value your friendship with her, you should talk to her now. Otherwise, she may just go through the motions of being your BM and things may be weird between you later. She may be going through something you’re not even aware of.

    PS – I never thought I’d go through what I went through either. Life is strange sometimes!

    Post # 9
    Member
    7410 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @BakerBee16:  Did you only text? Did you ever try calling? Do you only text about you, your wedding and your stuff or do you ask about her life?

    Post # 11
    Member
    7410 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @BakerBee16:  I didn’t say you only text about wedding stuff. I asked if you only tested about stuff to do with you. The fact that she responds with only ‘k’ makes it seem like it.

    So why not call her and make dinners plans so you can talk then? It sounds to me like she is going through some stuff (child and husband). It strikes me as funny that she needs to wait until the night prior to the shower to get permission from her husband to attend. Sounds liek she needs a friend right now.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @BakerBee16:  No, but I thought about it. My MOH was one of two MAJOR stressors. I wish I had never asked that person. Ugh.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7410 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @BakerBee16:  It really sounds like you are not invested in this friendship (and neither is she). Maybe it is time to let the friendship die?

    I think if you drop her as a BM it will end the friendship and I think she probably wont show as a guest if you do this.

    I guess it comes down to do you want drama before the wedding or after? If you think you will regret having her in your wedding and life (and given that the friendship is pretty much dead anyways) then I would call her, set up a dinner and then just explain that you feel like you two have drifted apart balh blah blah.

    If you can live with her in the wedding then just drop any expectations of her other than showing up and after the wedding just let the friendship die on it’s own.

    Post # 16
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee

    @BakerBee16:  I definitely wouldn’t ask her to step down – that’s just being cruel. Your wedding is soon, there is no need to create drama.

    A kid going into surgery is pretty terrifying and mentally distracting though. I’d seriously cut her some slack.

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