Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2005 - Westside Loft, New York
I’ve been thinking about starting a book club here on Weddingbee with a focus on relationship books. It got me thinking about the topic of divorce, because one of the books I want to start with is The Divorce Remedy.
I’m 30 years old and I have 4 friends that divorced in their late 20’s. There were different reasons for each couple: infidelity, married too young, fell out of love… It’s always sad, but I do think some couples are better off apart, and it makes you think about how much commitment goes into maintaining a successful marriage.
Do you have any friends that have gotten divorced?
Post # 3
I have a friend who ended up getting divorced after his wife cheated on him. He is now happily remarried and expecting his first baby. He now says her cheating on him was the best thing that ever happened. Another friend’s girlfriend is divorced, she got married because she got pregnant, obviously I wasn’t around for that split but it was a real doozy from all accounts. I am young and one of the first to get married out of my friends my age though so I think unfortunately with divorce rates as they are someone in my circle may eventually. Although, i hope they beat the odds.
Post # 4
my ex-bff got married because she got pregnant. guy left her cause he felt she trapped him (she was under 25 he under 30). he even left the country! she became all bitter and mad with everyone and stopped talking to anybody that knew what had happened to her. sad stuff.
Post # 5
i’m 0/2 with friends staying married. i was a bridesmaid at both and neither lasted past their first year. it’s really sad. sometimes i feel like i should be less excited about my wedding around them, especially since one just filed for divorce and my wedding is only a few months away.
Post # 6
i have one friend i like to call the serial bride. She’s 26 and getting married 5/2…to guy number 4. Too young, infidelity, and…I’m not sure what to call getting married after dating for 4 days.
i have one other friend that is currently going through a divorce. His wife is a bad alcoholic, combined with a love of casinos, and she refuses to get help.
Post # 7
One friend divorced long before we met…she was v. young when she married an older guy. Another, whom I know b/c she is the wife (of 10 years) of a colleague though now a good friend, was married before. I think partly youth, partly also a visa issue I think.
One friend had a painful divorce a couple years ago after she found out her xh was cheating (in the most horrific way possible, i.e. actually dating several women). I actually met her through an x-bf who was friends with her xh…so it’s so hard to imagine since I actually knew the xh first. She was devastated at first…she said something to me that really brought it home, "I married him completely and for my whole life." But she’s been able to amazingly turn her life around, and moved to a new city a year ago.
Another friend’s wife left him a few years ago. I think she was too young when they met (they married after college, but met when she was a freshman) and she hadn’t dated much. Then she got stuck following his career around. I kind of understand why it happened, though it was still hard to watch and listen to him being in so much pain. He’s met and is living with someone else now, but it’s taken him several years.
Yet another I think is separated…she kind of stopped keeping touch with anyone after her wedding (2 years ago) so we don’t know for sure. But she replied with a new address and without his name to my Save the Date email.
It’s sad and difficult to watch, but I do think almost everyone (don’t know about the last friend) is in a better place now. I can’t really contemplate even the notion of divorce, though. It’s taken me so long to meet my FI and then to decide I was ready for marriage.
Post # 8
Two of my groomsman are divorced. One re-married to the girl he always wanted to be with and the other one had a lot of hardship after the divorce but thankfully rebounded in the past year and is now dating someone.
It is hard, specially when you know the other person as well.
Post # 9
I have 3 acquaintences who are divorced in their 20s. It’s sad, and I’m not close enough to any of them to bother with detais. Most of the people I know, though, stay married, even when they married young (almost all my cousins married before 20).
I like the idea of the book club, though.
Post # 10
I have several friends who divorced. One was due to infidelity. Come to think of it, the other couple I knew did because of the same thing. Seems to be imho a silent epidemic and this is something I firmly believe should be addressed during dating and especially the engagement period as a BOUNDARY AND DEAL BREAKER 100 PERCENT.
However, that being said, most of my friends and my family are married and DOING GREAT! My family and closest friends all know what happened and why I divorced, and I let them all know and I think it’s really opened alot of people’s eyes and made them think long and hard about what you could lose, the greatest aspects of your life that you could lose, and how your life will change forever (and not for the better) if you betray the one you pledged your fidelity to. I think what my x did has been a huge life lesson to many around me. Thankfully, I think it made alot of my family and friends NOT take for granted their life partner/spouse and realize the important of family and the folly of selfishness.
Post # 11
A friend of mine was married on August 1, 2008 and they are already separating. It has been really difficult for her and her husband. They both have gone through a lot since they got married. They’ve bought a house and my friend is currently six months pregnant; they found out she was pregnant about a month after they were married. They both feel like they aren’t right for each other, and they are making each other miserable. It’s really difficult to see her going through this. They aren’t even going to make the 1-year mark. And they were together for about four years and lived together for 2-3 of those years before they decided to get married. The hardest part is not being able to do anything to make it better. I’m just trying to listen and be there as much as I can. She’s also made me swear my fiance and I will get pre-marital counseling. I agreed. I think if nothing else it will help us be ready for how different being married will be.
I just wish there was a way to make it all better.
Post # 12
See I don’t "get" that thing about having lived or been together for so long and suddenly when you get married, as if a wand is waved over your head, that it goes downhill so fast. I’ll keep your friend in my prayers. So sad.
You honestly have to wonder what is her H thinking or why even divorce if they’ve bought a home and have a child on the way? I just cannot think of a sadder thing to happen when their lives should be filled with joy right now..
Post # 13
One of my bridesmaids is in the midst of a nasty divorce. She’d been married for 15 years, so it’s really taking it’s toll both on her and on having her in the wedding 🙁 She’s not really in a place where being around happy couples is good for her.
I’ve had a couple of other friends get divorced in their late 20’s…
I definitely don’t think the cause of the divorces was that they got married young, but I will say the one common denominator for these friends was being quite young at the time of their marriages. Maybe it’s just because more people get married at the ages that they were, so statistically that’s what we’re more likely to see right now.
And I think a book club is a great idea!
Post # 14
Great idea! I love the book "His Needs Her Needs" and think it’s a wonderful way to go into a lifelong relationship and keep the home fires (and budoir fires too!) burning!
Post # 15
I keep waiting for this to happen, and it hasn’t yet- luckily!! I dont mean that in a negative way but it seems EVERYONE sees their friends get married and divorced, and I haven’t yet, so I’m feeling almost on edge, like "who will the first couple be?" My fiance and I have been to 14 weddings in the last two years and not one of the couples has divorced or split. I think it’s awesome…!! Though I am quite sure eventually the streak will end.. sad to say..
Post # 16
Two girls from my circle of friends in high school have gotten divorced.
The first got married RIGHT after high school graduation, then her husband was shipped off the Iraq. They got divorced as soon as he was home (less than a year later). She’s now engaged to be married (again) and has 1 kid and another on the way.
The other was married for maybe a year, and just got divorced. They were together for a really long time, something like 6 years before they got married. But it ended for whatever reason.
Have I mentioned that we graduated high school in 2003?