- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Hi girls! I know a lot of waiting bees tend to have a hard time NOT hinting and probing their SO constantly, but these days, I am concerned that maybe I am not being clear enough about my needs? What do you think?
SO and I were together for two and a half years, did long distance for another year (last year), and then I got a job where he was and we have been living together for three weeks now! At first I was really hung up about moving in with him without a proposal, and I was at the end of my rope… acting totally psychotic and moody all the time.
But then we had a great, open conversation about my desire for that commitment from him, and he totally saw where I was coming from and then, at the end of that conversation, told me that he was going to take the next step by speaking to our parents. That was enough for me to have faith that we were on the same page and that it was coming soon, so I took the job, left my family and friends behind, and moved in with him in a brand new state. I know that he had the conversation with his parents two months ago, but as far as I know, he hasn’t spoken to mine (my mom is the only one he’s seen in person in the past few months). I don’t get the feeling that he is currently ring shopping, and I am 99.9999% positive that there isn’t a ring in the house.
Since that conversation, I have been comfortable enough to stop hinting, for the most part. I also don’t really have the desire to snoop like I did before (although that might change if I start feeling like he is ring shopping or there might be a ring in the house). Since that conversation, I told him (two weeks ago) that I was annoyed that the meanest, skankiest girl I went to high school with just got engaged, but he knew I wasn’t torn up about it, just irritated.
Then last night, after a frustrating weekend (the second one in a row at my FIL’s house and his sister was being a huge bitch) and then meeting up with my cousin for dinner, who is also my very best friend, and his girlfriend, and seeing how in love they are and feeling like… what if they get engaged before we do? I would be so happy for them, considering I love them as a couple, but at the same time, I would also be upset considering my BF and I have been together for three times as long and because my BF is 4 years older than my cousin is (late 20s vs early 20s). My cousin tends to love really passionately and acts on impulses passionately, whereas my BF is more laidback and logical. My cousin is also making a lotttt of $ right now, especially just having to support himself, which also makes me feel like it’s likely he could propose soon.
So last night, feeling a little anxious, I just pulled up my pinterest board with ring preferences on it, left it up as we were switching seats at the computer and said “that’s for you… I don’t want something ugly” and just smiled and left the room, haha. He clicked out and we didn’t talk about it, but it wasn’t awkward or anything, I was just sort of laughing to myself. Like, TIME TO GET A MOVE ON IT, KID. He does tend to let important things slide when he feels overwhelmed, like right now he needs to take his car into the shop because his brake lights aren’t working, but he is overwhelmed because that would mean having to go through the process of getting a rental or sharing a car for a week, and that stress of having to deal with it all sort of just makes him shut down. I can definitely be like that too with boring tasks like that…
I also very subtly (mostly jokingly but not really) said twice that I’ll probably have moved out by Christmas… trying to get the point across that I am not going to wait around forever. I was waiting for a proposal all last year. I was explicit in telling him what I needed in order to move in with him. If, after three months of moving in, I haven’t seen progress (not necessarily a proposal per say, but knowing that actual ring shopping is happening), I am going to have to re-evaluate.
So, Bees? Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable? Am I being too reasonable? How does this compare to your own behavior? Just curious if I need to tone it down or turn it up, hehe.