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This happened to me immediately after the wedding and again over Christmas when we saw DH's family, and every time it happens it makes me feel like crap about the wedding. =( It's such small, uncontrollable stuff too, like this person didn't like the music or that person didn't think there were enough cookies out in the cookie bar. Why do people think it's okay to say this kind of stuff -- to my face, no less?! I don't tell them what's wrong with their parties!!
This happened to my friend and like you said it is really hurtful. The thing I noticed is that it was always people who were jealous or wanted to make their own wedding look better. So, try not to let them get to you. They doing it on purpose, whatever the reason.
The only time I have ever said anything negative is when specifically asked about something that did go wrong and they want to know how bad it was for the guest. My response has always been, "yes, we noticed, but we thought nothing about it because we were having such a wonderful time."
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Eew! Horrible! Why would someone do that! I think they are probably just teasing but wow, that's harsh. As long as you liked the music, I think that it shouldn't matter, and the fact that you even HAD a cookie bar is cool.
I had people point out a few things that they didn't like (stupid crap, like the hotel we had the reception at where everyone stayed didn't have nightlights in the room or bathroom. Gee, sorry, I should have looked at that before booking the place????), but I just brushed it off. And actually, the same person once said about my brother's wedding (my brother whom she had never met and whose wedding she had no idea of what it was like) that it could have "fed a lot of hungry people." Just because I said it was "beautiful" didn't mean we were all swimming in money the whole time! I was offended but I've realized that some people just can't say nice things and it's not worth my energy to take offense. I'm sorry that people are being jerks to you.... they are probably just jealous and don't know how to say anything nice!
I wouldn't worry about it - It's not like a chandelier fell off, food was all bad etc etc bad incidents. In all probability, they were jealous that they couldn't have that wedding you did! :) If it helps, a centrepiece fell over at a wedding I attended recently (tall vase filled with water and flowers), water was spilt on the table, rendering 1 side of the table unusable till the water dried up and everyone went on partying!
I guess this isn't about my wedding (since I'm not married yet), but my fiance's brother is getting married 3 months before us. My fiance's brother's fiance asked me to be a bridesmaid, so we went dress shopping. While in the dressing room, she was zipping the dress up for me, and said, "you know, you should just get a smaller size or two, because you're going to want to lose weight before the wedding, right?". My jaw hit the floor! What an awful thing to say! For the record, I'm 5'7" and 130 lbs...I don't plan on intentionally losing any weight. :)
oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I can't believe anyone would say that... guest expectations shouldn't make you feel like that:(
oh thats terrible. But I'm guilty of it- as I was reading this post I just made a comment about how the Engaged and Underaged bridal bowl on mtv right now was "jerry springerish". So i just made a snarky comment about someone's wedding (sigh)
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oh thats terrible. But I'm guilty of it- as I was reading this post I just made a comment about how the Engaged and Underaged bridal bowl on mtv right now was "jerry springerish". So i just made a snarky comment about someone's wedding (sigh)
Thanks for your support, all. I think you're right; they're jealous, though I have no idea what it stems from (though they're adults, none of the commenters have planned weddings before). You're right, it's totally not worth giving them any thought, but it still stings. I was just struck by how completely rude it was!
Penguin, I wish they were teasing, but Western PA moms and aunts are intense about their cookie tables. It's SCARY.
AlmostAnderson, that's terrible! I hope that she gets better...
And beesknees, I'm also guilty of making snarky comments about Engaged and Underage and Redneck Weddings (come on, who isn't?!) -- but not to the brides' faces!
That's so terrible! I guess it just goes to show that no matter how hard you try, you can't please everybody 100% of the time. Some people just find things to complain about no matter what situation they're in, so you shouldn't let it get you down!!!
I got a complaint that it was difficult to find the ballroom of my reception because I didn't post a picture of us outside. Of course, there was only one ballroom in the hotel and out of 220 guests, only one guest had trouble and he showed up about an hour late. Just goes to show that there will always be someone who is not happy.
I told people not to tell me any neg about my wedding to afteer the wedding. And if they don't like how I'm doing things, they don't have to come!!!!
Oh my.. You know, some people are so opinionated have nothing better to do but complain about everything. Sorry that this is happening to you. As long as you were happy with the way it turned out, then who cares what those people think (even if it is your family or closest friends). The day is overwith, you can't go back and change anything, and the day was about you and your husband.. Not about impressing other people with an over the top party. Just tell those people how you feel and try not to let it bother you. There is always someone who isn't satisfied. Oh well. That's life. I'm sure that your wedding was beautiful!
Oh yea, forgot to mention that we had our wedding in Ohio (where we are both from) and we ran out of cookies too! We had 120 dozen for 200 people and they were still gone. You are right, people in western PA and NE Ohio are insane about those cookie bars! I was a little sad that we ran out, but come on.. 120 dozen! That's almost 1500 cookies! We had a complaint about that too, but geez. How many cookies can one possibly eat?? I feel your pain on that one too!
I guess if someone wanted to complain to my face about the wedding that I invited them to I would prolly reply with a very casual:
"That's a shame. It's also a shame that I could have used the $150 I spent on your food and favors to invite someone with more gracious manners..."
Ooooh snap MightySapphire... Love love love that response ;-)
I know it's irritating when people behave like ungrateful children, but ultimately you didn't host a wedding to impress them, you did it for the two of you.
Might also make you think twice about inviting them to future events, parties, dinners :-)
Like others have said, I wouldn't let this get to you. It seems like there's at least one or two of these people who just insist on making hurtful comments. Just brush it off like it doens't matter becaue really, it doens't. Besides, how many weddings even have a cookie bar? Congrats! I'm sure your wedding was awesome :)
The best thing was when my aunt, who thinks she is much higher class than she is, questioned why we would have ever spent money on a wedding planner. Without skipping a beat, my uncle mentioned that perhaps it was so that when people (like my aunt) showed up when they had RSVPd 'no' I didn't have to deal with finding a place for her to sit at the reception.
That shut her up. :)
I know I'm a little to the game but...one of our guests (very good friends of ours) posted a SCATHING review of our wedding and the location where it was held on Tripadvisor. So, not only could we read about what a miserable time they had (thanks very much), but everyone else in the world can too! When confronted, their only comment was, "We didn't think you'd see it." Nice.
I've been told I will regret not having a "real" wedding cake (no topper,e tc). We are doing a cake bar that's very cute/vintage.
I've been told it's ridiculous that we are having alcohol, even though we are cutting off 2 full hours before the end of the reception.
I've been made to feel bad about my budget (as extravagant) by a friend & my family, bc she thinks weddings should be $6K (mine is still half of our areas average, and we have the $!) :(
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I think it is terrible that people say stuff about our weddings. Personally I don't think someone fullly understands how important and how rude it is until they have had a wedding of their own. I learned that from many friends at work. I am no longer friends with one of them because before the wedding I was getting rude comments from her like "Why would you care so much about that" or "you are over reacting this is not that big of a deal" then I found out after the wedding that AT the wedding, sitting at a table with our friends, she was talking crap about flowers and other things. Then I heard that at work to other co workers, while I was on my honeymoon, she was saying things about the wedding. It is so uncalled for but, like I said she has never had a wedding or been in one so I don't think she understands what it is like. It is still not an excuse and that is why we are no longer on friendly/any terms.
Before the wedding, I had a co-worker of Mr. Cookie's (who is the sweetest woman ever) ask me if I was going to regret spending so much time and energy on planning our wedding. It was a really weird question because I was having so much fun planning. Why would I regret such a creative moment in my life? A few minutes into the conversation, as she was discussing her own wedding, I realized that the comment was less about me and more about her.
Unfortunately, there are critiques in every crowd. If you had an amazing wedding, don’t let them spoil all your wonderful memories. More than likely, the comment has to more to do with them than you!
<font size="2" color="#99cc00">ConnecticutBride</font> did you get married in the Hudson Valley? I saw a similar review on TripAdvisor at the place where I got married, and I would have been horrified if I was the bride for that wedding! Pretty rude of them, they should have been far more tactful.
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ConnecticutBride, you are such a better person than I. If their only response was "We didn't think you'd see it" I'd probably get their e-mail addresses and sign them up for every embarassing newsletter/website known to mankind. If only so that for months they would have to unsubscribe to things like "Schizophrenic Weekly," "Tact for the Tactless," and my personal favorite "Making Yourself Bigger (By Making Others Smaller)." Not that I've done that before...{{cough}}
Not quite the Hudson Valley, but close, over in CT. I do agree with MissCookie that it's more about the other person that with you. Our wedding was everything we wanted it to be (and more!). They just disagreed with our style and I think were expecting something very different. You can't meet everyone else's expectations - it's impossible with so many guests! - so it's probably best to try to put together the best day for you and the ones closest to you. Which I feel like we did. :)
My mom told me that some things (for instance, our wishing tree type guestbook) "Turned out better than she thought they would." Is that snarky?! Family - what can you do?
I had my SIL tell me how she was sure not to recommend our DJ to a cousin who was getting married. (All because another SIL thought the DJ palyed some song with questionable lyris. Which he didn't. She was thinking of some "alternate lyrics" or jsut heard the lyrics wrong -I don't know.) But that bothered me.
Also a friend's mother, who wasn't at the wedding saw my pictures and basically said, "I know the bridesmaids aren't supposed to look as nice as the bride but, wow."
For the most part, I think picky remarks about the wedding/reception are due to people who either love to pick apart things about other people (just negative people), or people have particular ideas of what they think makes a nice wedding, and it differs from yours. This can be especially true when different generations butt heads about what looks nice.
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Unfortunately people feel the need to share their feeling about everything even when inappropriate. Mine started as soon as got engaged and started to plan. They would say your doing this too early, why you rushing this and that, why you mailing your save the dates so early, and so on. It got to the point that when someone would say something to my mom or my sisters they wouldn't even tell me cause I would express my frustrations about people not knowing when to shut up. I mean if you feel you received your STD too early put it away till you think it's acceptable to come out! I can only imagine what it will be like after the wedding. Although, I'm pretty verbal so I'm pretty sure most know not to say anything negative to me cause I'll respond back. Maybe you need to start telling people that if they didn't like something they should have left early or brought their own, hahha!
I love reading these; it is amazing how rude people can be!
This happened before my wedding: I wanted to wear blue shoes with my dress. When my mom found out she said, "I don't like the idea. I'm afraid that when you are walking down the aisle everyone will be staring at your feet instead of looking at you. Do you really want the only thing for people to remember about your wedding to be your shoes?"
Needless to say, no one was looking at my feet as I walked down the aisle and everyone loved the blue shoes during our first dance.
Calioc -- www.calioc.blogspot.com
I'm not married yet, but I've had a snarky engagement comment. There's one girl at my office who's particularly opinionated with nothing to back up her snark (which is why we no longer speak and why she's not invited to the wedding to rain on it). At our holiday party a newly-engaged colleague was describing how her fiancee had her gorgeous ring custom-made for her, and Snark Queen goes, "Thankfully it wasn't an out-of-the-box ring from Kay," which is where my ring is from. My fiancee worked really hard to find a ring he knew I would love and was very proud of the fact that he got a Leo, and I'm so excited that he put that much care and love into it. I take her opinions with less than a grain of salt b/c it's part of a long pattern of the same thing over and over, but it still shocked me that she could say something that heartless in front of the entire office staff.
I had a lot of snarky comments about by wedding.
1. Children were not invited. We had our wedding/reception on my parents farm, and the only children in my family are my second cousin's who love to run around and play in the pool. THe problem is their parents leave my mom and dad to supervise their kids while they drink- my parents didn't want anyone to get hurt so we decided adults only. My aunt and her two children (+spouses) waited to RSVP until the week of.... two of them called the day before. It was a DIY wedding, so having to rethink my seating chart was a pain in the butt (especially since I was finishing my final exams for my degree the day before the wedding).
2. My Aunt hated the cake topper.
3. Same Aunt wasn't fond of my Nicole Miller dress.
She's just a snarky lady I suppose, and her kids follow suit. Ignore the comments. they aren't worth it.
I've had a lot of people make comments about how "early" I am and how much I'm taking on/planning. I don't understand! Why can't people just shut their mouths? I usually say, "well, it's what's working for us... plus I'm having fun!" People seem to think that wedding planning is a horrible chore, not a time I've been looking forward to (I'm really crafty and love to DIY) for a long time.
I also posted a review on a potential venue that we visited on my blog. ONly a few people knew about (family, close friends), so I still don't understand how this could have happened! The review was rather negative (the place was a old men's club... you could feel the dead rich white man ghosts floating in the air... plus all of their cigars that they had smoked!). The snarky commented said that I was "obviously of very poor taste", that I didn't "see the beautiful potential of the venue" and that I "clearly should just hold my wedding in a trailer park". Still to this day I don't know who could have left such a comment, especially because so few people knew about my blog!!
My SIL tends to be passive agressive in most situations... the wedding was no exception. Her sister got married 2 weeks after us so she had to compare...
1. SIL told me the only thing that was better about my wedding was that there were other children there for her 2 kids to play with.
2. My photographer was 2.5 hours late and missed the ceremony. If that wasn't painful enough, SIL had to tell me how her sister called all her vendors and made sure nothing like that would happen to her.
lol @ corn... your uncle is awesome!!
I think we've been pretty fortunate that we haven't heard any snarky comments about our wedding... at least not to our face.
OMG MaureenD009 thats so similar to me which happened only last weekend to be frank. A family member and bestfriend were heard talking about me and my wedding and their comments included:
1. How hard it was to come to grips with the wedding thing.
2. How it was very selfish of us to get married at our particular location and to have no kids allowed adn how sad it looked that we'd had such a small affair.
3. How I will never Mrs DS in their eyes and;
4. How stupid of me to be relocating to be with MrDS.
Hurt is an understatement. Its unbelieveable. I would never EVER say things like this. We loved our wedding and the fact that those who had bothered to turn up, thoguht our venue was amazing... Although its easier retrospectively to think 'Sticks and Stones' and all that, it does still hurt and the nature of the negativity just will always be.
I've gotten some pre stuff like "i feel like there will be a fashion snniper there" and comments have been made about my tastes... I'm worried the FH side that does not know me well, will think im a snob.. BUT ahhh welll its our wedding. I just can't get over that someoen would say some of the stuff listed above, RUDE. My lil wedding planning montra (well part of it) "Focus on what you want; dont obsess wabout what everyone attending will want or need"
The only time I'd ever say something that I didn't like about an event is if its something the hosts should know about. For example, at a wedding last summer, NO ONE was dancing so a friend and I went up to the DJ and asked him to play a song that would definitely get a big group of us out there. This kid was like, 20 years old, seriously looked like Chad Michael Murray and his response to the song request was "yeah, sure i'll play it. but just so YOU know the tip jar is by the speakers". I'm sorry, but do guests even tip a DJ?
We told the MOH about it so she could relay the information to the bride's parents after the wedding (like the next week, not the same night). I would be horrified if I vendor spoke to someone like that, or even demanded a tip from my guests, so I would want to know. However, even in this case I wouldn't say something to the bride or groom, but to someone else who could relay to the vendor how unprofessional their behavior was.
My brother has been kind of a pill. I'm getting married in my hometown, and so whenever I visit my mom I've been running a lot of errands for my wedding. The last time I was home he gave me some crap about "thinking about nothing but the wedding." He also keeps telling me I should "cut back" and "not spend so much" on the wedding ... and he has no idea what we're spending. Also, when I said we might serve only one entree to save money, he made a big fuss over not having a beef choice!
This is par for the course for Bro -- he talks a lot of nonsense with absolutely no information behind it. I love him anyway. Plus it's lots of fun to call him on his ridiculousness :-)
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