Have some tact, yes he is MINE! (Vent)

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@babypearls:  

oh man I’m scared for when I have kids then since we’re mixed race couple

Post # 4
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Oh wow. I’m sorry that happened to you. I am so shocked people would Say that. That is crazy to me. people are so rude, i can’t wrap my mind around it. 

Post # 5
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

So sorry this happened to you! Apparently that happened to my mom when I was a baby. We went to visit family in Haiti, and they thought she was sneaking a Dominican baby out of the country and gave her hell for it. The ignorance you faced is despicable, and yes people are ignorant, but just remember, your baby is gorgeous because he came from you. You are extremely fortunate to have him, and those ignorant people are insignificant (and stupid) therefore they dont matter. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, first and foremost, I hear (and validate) your rant.

BUT you might be reading too much into this.

When I see a cute baby, I may cooo over the baby first, and then address the Adults accompanying him / her.

“Is he yours ?” is an often refrain, I guess because I’d like to establish for example that the woman with him isn’t the babysitter for example… or Aunt Martha

IF they say yes, I’ll probaby say “He’s beautiful / delightful / wonderful baby etc… CONGRATULATIONS”

IF they say no, I’ll probably change that slightly and say “She’s gorgeous / entertaining / a real doll … do let the Parents know she’s wonderful, and you are so lucky to be his Auntie, Babysitter etc and get to spend time with her”

Lol anothewords without saying it…

If he was mine, I’d probably not want to spend a second without him.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 8
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@babypearls:  Tact people, TACT. I have done as ThisTimeRound said and confirmed the identity of the accompanying adult, but not in such a rude way. Where did the tact go…?

Post # 10
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

I get asked if the kids I’ve nannied for were mine before, and they looked very similar to me. I think some people might also not want to assume a child is yours when you could be watching them. Are you fairly young or older, often age indicates a lot more than appearances. Otherwise, it’s ridiculous if they judge based on how the child looks. I know plenty of kids who don’t look much like their parents but no one mentions anything about it, most people are aware of how genetics work.

Post # 11
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

And another thing…

Maybe it is different where you are… but here in Canada where I am, my world is like the United Nations, so instead of actually “noticing” race, I think I am more blind to the whole issue entirely.

Hence the words that would just come tumbling out…

The amount of inter-racial marriage in Canada is huge, and then there are the International Adoptions…

And Gay Moms & Dads… just to name a bunch of common place variables herre…

Honestly, the Parents could be Martians, and if I thought the baby cute, I’d probably still politely say…

“Is he yours ?  Cause he’s beautiful, CONGRATULATIONS”

 

Post # 12
Member
3032 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My White mom had to deal with strangers questions when she pushed my brother in a stroller who looked more like our dad- Peruvian.  It started with “Is he yours?” and then at the time into questions over his adoption and what a “saint” my mother was for taking in this poor boy.  My mom said at first she would say, “my husband is Hispanic,” then realized it was none of their business.  They would ask if he was adopted and she would just say yes…”oh what an amazing person you are” “thank you.”  He was a baby so he didn’t know and the whole area thought my mom was this wonderful women taking in these Brown orphan kids.

Post # 13
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@This Time Round:  I watch my niece during the day and often when we’re out and about, people will comment thinking I’m the mom. I always just say thank you. My sister and I have the same parents, so some of my genes are in there somewhere and I watch her often enough that if they comment on her behavior, I can feel semi-responsible. If I was younger than I am, and I’m young as is, then I might get offended that someone thought I could have a baby already, but generally I just roll with it.

Post # 14
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@babypearls:  congrats on your new addition!!  this is the first i’ve heard of it.

i understand how some people have zero tact when it comes to sensitive issues but please don’t let that upset you too much.  maybe they just don’t know better.  there is definitely a proper way and honest reason why someone would ask this.

i hope mom and baby are doing well.

Post # 15
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

@babypearls:  it’s very rude that people asked you this question, but try not to get too upset about it. As your baby grows, he’ll look more and more like you (similar features) and people will not ask if he’s yours.  The same thing happened with my sister.  Strangers thought she was adopted because her colouring was so different from the rest of my family (she’s a redhead), but now at 26, she is the spitting image of my mother (if she were a redhead).  People ask a lot of stupid questions about babies, try not to let it get to you.

Post # 16
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@babypearls:  Oh man. People are so nosey and rude!

I’m Mexican and my nephew is half-black. It’s hilarious when my Filipino boyfriend and I are babysitting and we take him out. My nephew is seriously gorgeous, so people often stare at him and come over to tell me how adorable he is… but then they look at me and my boyfriend and you can just see them get totally confused. Luckily no one has actually SAID anything yet but the looks on their faces always crack me up. I’m sure they all think I cheated on my man or something. It’s hilarious.

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