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Well i saw this on a t.v. show one time. But this one couple found out they were pregnant,so they had to get married,to not upset the parents. So they had a small civil wedding, after they had the baby, they had a huge "dream" wedding event. What if you did something like that?
Otherwise, my opinion may not matter much since i'm not christian,but I would go ahead and move in now and get married later. Besides, you can learn alot more about your partner before you finally tie the knot together.
I suggest getting married now and do the best you can, and then after you are married, plan a vow renewal with the wedding of your dreams.
what if you married now and planned the wedding of your dreams for a year from now - giving you time to save and plan?
personally when i was ready to commit to my hubby it was about the marriage and not the wedding - i wouldnt wait a year but thats just me
Is it possible that family memebers could help you plan and contribute towards the wedding of your dreams?
If not, then I would go ahead and get married and then plan a really nice renewal for a few years down the road. I know how you feel about the whole - I have to live with him now - I feel guilty for having sex before we're married. You need to get it done so you don't have that guilt and you need to do it so you don't fall into lying to those you love or other things.
you're going to live together the rest of your lives - what's the rush? a year goes by pretty fast
Hope you dont mind me sharing as I have had a similar experience.
My dad is a baptist minister and I have grown up with the christian church all my life. Met my FH who happens to have grown up as a Jehoviahs Witness.
We decided to move in together as we couldnt wait either... I went through misery for about 2 months at the fear of dissapointing my parents... I could barely talk to them. I hadnt been going to church for the last two years tho and my parents were respectful of my decision to not go.
FH proposed One week after we moved in together.. and everything with my parents.. went to fine. Once they knew we were getting married they were ok. However FH and i suffered backlash from friends of family, who have all since turned the coin and are now welcoming. We will been engaged 13 months before we get married and it will be great to have a decent wedding. There is no way I could plan a wedding in 5 months. I would turn into a nutter.
Do whats best for you and what you can life with. However I wish I waited in regards to my parents. On the otherside its been great living with my FH. Good luck!
Get married now, and if you're still longing for your "dream wedding" then have a vow renewal on your first (or later, when ever you can afford it) anniversary.
@IA Snowflake, yeah that's exactly how I feel! like we were always raised that sex before marriage is forbidden, but I was living on my own and was a long ways from home. so we did it, and never stopped. I still kinda wish we woulda saved it for marriage, but what can you do now. you seem to understand exactly what I'm feeling.
also - my family is helping a lot. I mean fiscally not so much just because of the economy and we have a really big family, so my dad can't afford it. He put down some money for me dress and that's about it. but we have people pitching in, we now have our cake, photographer & flowers fully paid for by family/friends. it's so sweet. Our biggest issue now is affording a venue and the food.
I agree... why not have a small civil/church wedding and then for your one year anniversary, throw an anniversary party?
Also, have you tried every option to make the most out of your budget? Can either of you cut back and save a little more? Friendors? Craigslist vendors? I think you could do it for $5000! My "dream wedding" would have cost me $15,000 but I doubt it will even cost $8,000 thanks to me researching things that I can do/save on to get better deals and still have the SAME look!
@laboroflove, the most expensive thing we want is the venue. And that's nearly 4k just to rent, not including anything additional. eek. then you add in food and it comes out to about 7 right there. but even 5k is pushing it for us, I've been out of work for awhile and have no money coming in, so there is no way I can make enough money by our date.
ccranetobe- thanks for sharing your story, it was so sweet :). I wish I could know my parents would be okay with it :(
also my fi's brother got pregnant before he was married and then had a civil wedding, and he broke his parent's hearts, especially his mom. I know my fi doesn't want to do that to his parents.
Wow 5K for just the reception venue...that BIG. I would think you could find another place that's fabulous that's a faction of the cost. I can't even imagine how expensive the food cost at that place.
well the venue is $3500, and I haven't found anything like it..plus I come from an area where there isn't much to choose from as far as venues go, unless you want something more formal...and they don't have their own caterer, so you could get food cheaper. And it's not even that "big", it's just beautiful. It's a farm/garden
but honestly just $3500 is over our budget :( (for the actual wedding day, not including rings, honeymoon etc)
Well I'm a fan of doing what YOU want to do, not just doing what your parents want to do b/c they'll be disappointed. Parents get disappointed in lots of things; they have to realize they raised you and you have to make the decisions that are right for YOUR life, not theirs.
However I Fully understand b/c i have lots of friends in the same situations. It's just hard to watch them still be under the thumbs of their parents, even though they are adults and they are only doing what their mom and dad want them to do to please them. In the process they make THEMSELVES unhappy. I'd rather make mom and dad unhappy/upset for a short period of time (they'll get over it, they ALWAYS do!) than myself.
After all, YOU want to live with him and are ok wth it. And your sex life is none of their business, so keep it between you and the birds and the bees =]
haha @ejs, I like the pun at the end ;)
yeah I do agree to some point... I mean after I turned 18, I really did take control of my life - but it wasn't always the best decisions (mostly dating around and hurting guys), and I did it because I finally had the freedom to... and now I regret it all because I had to share that with my fiance and he's so hurt by my past and what I'd done with guys :-/
It seems like, with everything else I could do that might upset my parents, I could easily hide it, but obviously this you can't. And not only my parents but I know my sister, my best friend, the rest of my aunts/uncles/grandparents, my other friends, everyone - would be really disappointed in me. And I almost can't bear the thought. I used to be really involved in my church when I was in high school and still maintain close relationships with my youth pastors, I see them on a regular basis, and I'm also afraid that my dear friend & pastor wouldn't marry us if we did that too..
I guess what I'm leaning towards is just doing what we can for now...while talking with my fiance last night, he made a really good point, he said there is no such thing as a dream wedding, but there is a dream marriage. Kinda reminds me of what @eloping said, we want the married more than the wedding... but at the same time - both matter.
but my fiance is right, soon we will be married, and even if our wedding is super simple, it will still be special because it's ours, and it's us joining together to be one and celebrate our lives together. And that is more special and beautiful than a wedding day every could be...
I'll still miss the idea of my "perfect wedding", but I'll do my best to be content.
And maybe I will have a vow renewal like ten years down the road and do what we want :) thanks bees.
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I need some serious help... I have an account on here as another bride, but I'm afraid of being found out...just in case.
here's my issue.
My fiance and I can't afford the wedding of our dreams, it wouldn't even cost that much, probably around 10k, but our budget is more like 2k. I am so saddened because I know this is something we only get to do once in our lives, and I want to do it right.
but having the wedding of our dreams would mean putting off the wedding for a year or so...which normally I wouldn't be opposed to doing...but honestly, I want to move in with my fiance, I want to live together. If we could just do that, then I would have no issue waiting another year, because that is huge to me.
However, we have conservative Christian families who would probably disown us if we lived together (or if they knew now that we've had sex...oh what a sin!). And yeah we'd call ourselves Christians, but we love each other and will be spending the rest of our lives together, so we don't think of it as a big deal.
Our families would be crushed and I have NO IDEA what they would do if we said we wanted to live together so that we could wait a year...there is no way that I could hold off on living together over a year anymore...
So what do we do? Have the wedding as planning in about 5 months, and do the best we can to make it beautiful... or disappoint our parents, move in together and hold off a year or two so we can afford our dream wedding?
thanks girls..