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I really don't have any advice. I am having a similar problem. My moh apparently called everyone and told them the date of the bachelorette, but never explained what they would be doing. So now, it is less than a week away, and I find out that she never mailed out the invitations or did a follow-up call. In addition, one of my bm's has to work that night (she is a nurse and works the night shift -- her boss told her she had to choose to have this weekend off, or the weddding weekend off). I learned yesterday that the only plan is to go to a place to learn how to strip tease, and then we are "winging it" after that. I suggested we make reservations at a nice resturant in the area that also has a night club, but was told it would be too expensive. I don't understand because everything is local and I'm willing to pay for myself-- and like you, I've been very careful about bridesmaid costs -- even though we are all in our 30's with good jobs.
At this point I am staying out of it and I am just going to show up and have a great time no matter what.
I'm so sorry! I would be really upset too! I actually had one of my best friends cancel on me for our Vegas trip. We've been planning for seriously 8 months, pretty much right after I got engaged, so when my girl told me two weeks ago that she didn't have any money saved up,,I felt so mad and sad at the same time! Part of me wanted to pay for her way,,,she already had purchased the airplane tickets, I also booked a 3 bedroom villa, which girls,,,its sooo much cheaper than staying at a hotel,,,and I'm still right on the strip! I have 11 girls,,,I think per night for 10 girls, its only $440 a night,,,so its about $97 per girl for the whole weekend! We also have a full kitchen, which we can get food at a store, some liquor and champange so we can get a bit of a buzz before going out! Really,,,after thinking about it,,,I wouldn't pay for anyone who can't pay for themselves! Like you said,,you went out of your way to make sure things wern't pricey for your girls,,,,if they can't afford it, it's not for you to worry about! You have Tons of other expenses on your plate,,,once your sipp'n on some great Santa Barbara wine, you will forget all your worries! While your there, go to State street,,,great little shops and cafes! Even if your out with two girls,,,its better than not being anywhere!
Totally hear where you're coming from
I ended up having reschedule the B-party because most of the BMs ran into $ problems. (even though they all new about months in advance, they start complaining a few weeks before hand)
It really sucks knowing that your friend can't do a few simple things for you. I've been getting pretty irritated as well. The girls in charge never really set a date. I had to reserve the hotel room and let everyone know the change.
Now its just like 3 of us going.
But ya know what? the real friends will make sure they will be there and you'll have a blast without the others. (at least I keep telling myself that)
things have a way of working out
don't cancel the trip
I had to cancel mine too. Not one of my 6 BMs could come/wanted to, so it would've just been me and my MOH (which would have been an awkward reminder of how my BMs suck -- get the feeling I'm a little bitter? haha). If it's just 1 who can't come, I'd just go without her (though you should probably call her or send a note that guilts her into paying at least something).
I didn't cancel mine (I've already had it) but I had at least 3 cancel in the last month (and I planned the whole thing). 2 of the others waited so long to book a ticket their flight prices were kind of ridiculous. I don't know why this is so hard for people to commit and follow through. I've planned stuff before and key to me was making sure I could cancel the hotel rooms a day or two before. That way I could get rid of the "excess capacity". I figured as long as someone showed up - we could party and have a good time. And that's exactly what happened.
But people flake out, and not just bridesmaids. Just happens, I have no idea why. Money is the excuse, but I think often they just don't think enough a head to see if money is going to be an issue. They just think - that sounds fun - and say they'll go.
I don't get it....why would you cancel a trip for 8 just b/c one person can't make it (or might not be able to make it)?
So far all of the posts have been from ladies who have experienced the same thing as you. And,understandably, everyone seems pretty bitter, so I hope I can offer you a different perspective on the situaton. .
Before you continue to get upset about this situation, I suggest you try again to get in touch with your wayward BM. Don't approach it angry or aggressively.
You say she has a good paying job and this and that, but you also admitted you have not spoken to her for a while, so really you don't know what's going on with her. She could be struggling with some serious personal, health or professional issues that she has not wanted to burden you with. (For example, I am a professional who recently lost my job and have been reluctant to tell people because I was embarrassed and don't like to share my problems with others.) Give her the benefit of the doubt. Its unlikely that she is purposefully trying to ruin your bachelorette.
As for the "now I might have to cover her costs"...what makes you think that? The bachelorette is a party your maids throw for you. Just because one girl does not attend does not mean you need to cover the cost. If anything, you maids would probably be willing to split the extra cost; talk to them, share with them how you feel about this and your budget worries and then brainstorm a positive solution to the situtation.
Thank you so much for your advice I really appricate it, but just to clear a couple things up... my bridesmaid has not returned any of my calls or emails regarding the bachelorette weekend. She was well aware of the costs associated with the weekend and had months to save. If she had initally told me that she couldnt afford it, I would have understood. BUT she promised to be there. As far as I know she is not sick or unemployed or going through any problems, but if she is its HER responsiblity to call me and tell me. I cant read minds, only her actions. Sticking me with her portion of the bachelorette party is incredibly frustrating, I would never do this to any of my best friends. I refuse to make my bridesmaids pay for her portion, its not their responsibility in my view. Like I said I'm trying to make this as affordable as possible. I'm so hurt and sad about her actions, I have thought about cancelling because if someone else cancels I cant possibly cover 2 more portions of this weekend. I;ve already made favor bags, tshirts, cds the works for the weekend. WHY cant she just call me back and tell me what is going on its a week and a half until we leave!
If I was one of the other girls, I would be upset with the last minute dcancel. I would ask her to cover part of her costs. Also, are you sure you still want her as a BM if she is acting this way? First, give her the benefit of the doubt WHEN she does contact you, but be prepared for some tough decisions. Good luck, and I really think going on the tirp would be a good stress relief!
So, I guess what's at issue financially is her portion of the hotel bill (because there will be one less person to share the bill)? How much $$ is that?
I understand that you're upset with her nonresponsiveness; anybody would be. But I still really don't understand why you'd cancel a fun trip, and require 8 nice people to change their plans, just b/c of that one person's nonresponsiveness.
Well, people are funny about money, and about group trips. If this is the first time you've experienced this, it won't be the last. Really, the first rule of planning any group trip is to set a deadline for handing over the cash - and make sure you get it before you have reservations on your credit card. Over the years you learn who is reliable and who isn't, but my experience (from many years of planning group ski trips for 6 to 20 people) has been that any trip you plan with more than 6 people has a high likelihood of at least one person saying they would love to go and then never coming through with the cash. (My DH says it's any trip with more than 4 people!)
I think, as people have said, that it sounds like big fun when it's just a concept. Then, as people actually have to carve out the time and write checks, they actually start to think about whether they can afford it, whether they have other priorities, whether they are too busy... And it's not nice, but it's not unusual for the folks who don't come through to be really evasive about it.
For future trip planning - get the money before you reserve the condo/buy the tickets. Then at least you're not out of pocket. If somebody cancels after you cash their check, then you can let them know that if either you or they find someone to take their place, that person can pay them back. That puts you out of the loop.
For a bachelor/bachelorette party, it's harder to manage - because you really want everyone to be there. But if your friend has decided that she can't or doesn't want to go, there's no fighting that - unless you can figure out why. DH actually scaled back his bachelor party by a lot - his friends initially planned a 8 person golf weekend at a very expensive resort - because he knew that a couple of the guys were likely to flake out, and of the ones he really wanted to be there, they would have a hard time justifying the cost. He ended up with three friends at a smaller resort, just a little off-season, for a much lower cost - and everyone he really wanted to be there was, and they had a great time.
At this point, I really wouldn't scale back your plans so that your one friend can attend. I would just tell her that you'll be sorry not to have her there, and go on. It's not really fair to everyone else to cancel at this point in time. If half of your friends couldn't go, then you might think about changing plans. But honestly, you'll have lots of fun with the ones who do go. I ended up having several bachelorette parties - in several locations - because my various friends had very different ideas of what they could do. And that's just fine; they were all fun. If we had tried to organize one thing that everybody could do, it would have been a disaster.
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Girl I totally know where you're at! I'm in the same situation, its almost like people can't commit till the last second! I'm afraid I'm going to have a couple of girls drop out too, and I'm worried about covering the difference of the no-show girls! I've decided its all going to work out some how and if worse comes to worse, I have a credit card to cover the difference. To me its so worth going and getting out with whatever girlfriends you can round up, and just having a good time! If you don't have a c.card, maybe one of the girls going does, and you can work out payments,,,I know you shouldn't have to do that, but just trying will show your girls how much this means to you, and who knows, maybe they will want to help out with what they can! Be postitive girl, if you want it to work, it will!
p.s. Good idea on the little party bags!
dang... look at all of us... We should just have our own damn weddingBee B-party
haha
UPDATE: She FINALLY Called me back tonight and as I suspected she is flaking on the weekend and I am stuck paying her portion (as well as my own too). Her reason was of course money. But I'm sorry she could have called me sooner than a WEEK before the bacholrette. I could have invited another friend. We were limited to 8 people because of the limo. I'm so upset right now, I would have understood if she would have canceled a couple months ago, but this is so inconsiderate. She knew about her money situation months ago but still continued to confirm that she was coming. I really regret asking her to be my bridesmaid. I chose her over my friend from high school and I really really wish I could take it back. My other high school friend has been so sweet and wonderful to me I wish I could have her stand up for me now. AGGGHHH Do any of you girls have any regrets on chosing bridesmaids?
You know ladies, I'd be happy that you have girls coming at all! I had three different people schedule bridal events (two showers and a luncheon) and as of tonight, all three have flaked off for some reason or another. You guys just have one flaky bridesmaid? Count yourselves lucky. You could be me with no bridal shower, no bachorlette party and now no luncheon either. People get busy, money gets short-sometimes you gotta roll with the punches.
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I'm so so upset right now... a couple months ago my MOH send out an email to 8 of my closest bridesmaid & friends about doing a Santa Barbra wine tasting trip she made sure to include the dates and the costs associated with the weekend. Pretty affordable considering most Vegas bachelorette weekends can get expensive. ( I am totally paying for my share of the hotel room etc.) Anyways everyone said they were in. Its now a week and half until the my bachelorette and one of my bridesmaids has not returned any of my calls regarding if she is for sure coming or not. She does live out of town, and hasnt come to my engagment party or my shower (even though she was in town!). I was fine with that I understand that not everyone can make it, but she promised to come on the trip and now I might have to cover her cost if she flakes, I'm so stressed out right now with money anyways I am thinking about cancelling. I've been sooooooo careful with bridesmaid costs.. the dresses were only $115 and they can wear what every shoes/jewelry etc. Dont have to get their hair or makeup done either. I should mention all my bridesmaids have professional jobs all making good money so its not like she is a student or something. I am so heartbroken I dont know what to do.