Post # 1
Ok so this is my first post and it feels sort of rant-ish, but the closer my friend’s wedding gets (it’s next weekend) the more angry I am about the fact that I have to go by myself. This is one of my best friends from college and I’m really happy for her and I have been excited for her this whole time, and I was really looking forward to her wedding. When the invite came in the mail it was addressed only to me, which was strange because the wedding had been openly discussed with my boyfriend and I prior to the invites going out. (My boyfriend and I have been together coming up on 5 years this summer & we live together.) I figured I would just ask her, no big deal if she wasn’t inviting people with guests, I just didn’t want to respond incorrectly.
Literally as I took my phone out of my purse to call her I had a text from her saying that she’s really sorry but she had to cut her guest list down to invite only people who were engaged or married and that my boyfriend wasn’t invited. I was really upset, I actually had recently been on a “why am I not engaged yet” kick so it was just kind of like salt in my wounds lol. Now I understand that you have to cut costs where you can and everything, and she had been having a huge issue with the groom’s mom and the guest list so I just told her I understood and that was that. I didn’t want her stressing about anything she didn’t need to.
So a TON of people basically told me that it was rude that he wasn’t invited and that I should just RSVP no to the wedding. She already knew I could come so I figured that was probably not very nice. So I RSVP’d yes and now I sort of wish I hadn’t. All of my friends that are going are engaged or married, so I’m going to be there like 9th wheeling it with my girls & they’re SO’s. It’s also on St. Patties weekend and all of our friends happen to be going out of town so my boyfriend is basically just going to be hanging out alone on a saturday night which just makes me sad lol. I’m also just sort of annoyed by how inconsiderate this is. It’s like there was no thought at all, she knows I’m going to be the only one there that I know without a date.
At this point I’m basically just thinking I’ll go to the church, go to cocktail hour to drop the present, stay for intros and leave right after dinner.
I’m wondering if I’m being way too bitter about this or if it’s normal that this doesn’t sit right with me. I was also supposed to go to her bach party in another state and it was really expensive and I had all the money saved for it and THANK GOD I didn’t buy the plane ticket because as soon as I was told I couldn’t bring my SO I was like ok well why would I spend all this money, not only on your bachelorette, but your shower, and your wedding and you are cutting my boyfriend to save money and I have to look like an ass? I know it’s not about me and that’s why I haven’t said anything like this to her, because I lover her and I obviously want her big day to be awesome but it definitely put a bad taste in my mouth and I’m just not sure if I’m overreacting?
I mean it’s bad enough I’m still patiently waiting on a proposal but I have to be reminded that my social status as a couple doesn’t quite measure up to those of my friends who have a ring on their finger? I’m just totally bummed. Also any advice on how to slip out early is greatly appreciated because I have to drive about an hour there and back and I want to get home at a reasonable time lol!
Post # 3
I totally get where you are coming from and while I get her rule about engaged and married folks only, I think it’s rude to exclude you and your SO when you’ve been together so long and are co-habitating (especially since she knows about your waiting woes). I feel like you should still attend anyway and be the bigger person (and a good friend) but I think it’s okay to just attend the ceremony and cut out early. As soon as dessert is over, you can gracefully get up, excuse yourself from the table (by saying that it was great seeing everyone but unfortunately, you have to go) and then find the couple, repeat the same thing, and head out. We had people leave after dinner at our wedding, and they said everything from the drive to sitters to a super early morning marathon.
Post # 4
I think if you’re in a serious relationship (like a few yrs), your SO should be invited, esp if you live together. Rude of her not to include your boyfriend, IMO
Post # 5
I would have just RSVPed “no” because I consider that very insulting. Sorry your friend did that to you.
Post # 6
I think she was totally rude for not inviting your SO! You live together and have been together for 5 years, it’s not like you are a new couple! I agree with you going to the church, cocktail hour, dropping gift and leaving after dinner. I mean she is rude for inviting all your other friends FI/DH’s and you are hanging out like a 5th wheel when you aren’t! I’d eat the meal then go home to my man if I were you!
Post # 7
Eeep yeah… my wedding isn’t really +1’s, just due to the size of the reception room, but anyone in a long-term relationship has their S/O invited just like people who are engaged or married. I just didn’t give plus one’s to people who would bring some random friend I don’t know. I understand cutting costs but that sucks. At least you have friends who are going, so you can kick it with them for a bit and then if it sucks, you can escape early 🙂
Post # 8
Add me to the RSVP “no” category. In fact, if I was reading this last week I would have told you to call her an tell her you couldn’t go.
In this day and age, where marriage is on the decline, and cohabitation is increasing, LTR should be treated no differently than married or engaged couples. I know couples who have been together for 15 years with no intention of even moving in together, let alone marrying. I would never dream of not inviting them together.
What your friend did is sooo not on.
Hell, I might actually fake the norovirus and still not go. But I get pissy about things like not-engaged or not-married people being treated as second class citizens.
Post # 9
If people are co-habiting, I do think it is very rude not to include them. I have been invited to weddings of friends/family of my SO that I don’t really know that well by name, and I really think it is because we live together and are considered one social unit. It is rude of your friend to exclude you like that and I wouldn’t go. I would probably reconsider the friendship to be honest.
Post # 10
Let this post be a lesson to brides who are considering not inviting guests with dates. It really sucks, especially when someone’s judging the seriousness of your relationship.
Post # 11
I’ll preface this by saying I’m in the camp that I believe everyone should get a +1 (and especially those in long-term relationships even if you aren’t engaged/married/living together). I understand where you’re coming from initially – it sucks when you can’t bring your SO with you but I think you should have let it go a while ago or chosen not to attend. I think it’s a bit much to say she’s making you look like an ass.
Honestly, every wedding I’ve been to with my fiance, we spent most of the night apart – him hanging with the guys and I was off dancing with the girls, even if one of us didn’t know most of the others there. I love my fiance and spending time with him is great, but honestly I’d have equally as much fun at a wedding if he wasn’t there than if he was. Try and put this behind you and have a great time!
Post # 12
you should have just RSVPd no when you had the chance
Post # 13
I think it was sucky of the bride not to invite him because you are living together and have been together for a substantial amount of time, but also because the bride should have been sensitive enough to take into account that your group of friends would all be there with partners. That’s the part that really gets me, especially since I have seen posts on here where brides have extended +1’s for that very reason, including to coworkers who would know no one else there. So I think that was the inconsiderate part. I also totally empathize because about a month before my wedding I went to a friend’s wedding and was invited without my fiance. I would go, be gracious, and leave after dessert.
Post # 14
@Car7yn44: I would have also RSVPed no. I think you shouldn’t have said yes in the first place, but I support your decision to skip out after dinner.
Post # 15
Thanks ladies! I mean I know it’s too late to do anything now, and I guess it was one of those things where I wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about it and I actually put off rsvp-ing until the LAST possible second. ugh, I guess I’m not good at making decisions under pressure lol!
Post # 16
It may suck that your bf wasn’t invited and your upset by it but your friend explained why she wasn’t able to invite him.
I know exactly how it feels. I was invited to a very good friends (my MOH) daughters wedding and even though I was living with my bf at the time she explained that due to trying to keep costs down I was the only one invited. I told her I understood and was prepared to go by myself. She called a few days later and told me she made room for him because I wasn’t upset he wasn’t invited. I’ve been to plenty of places by myself and am perfectly ok with it.
If she’s truly a good friend try to be more sympathetic towards the reason why she made the decision she did. It may not be fair but one day you’ll be planning a wedding and might not be able to please every guest you’d like to.