(Closed) have to invite both cousins to wedding?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Honestly, I think if you invited the parents and the sister, it is kind of rude not to invite the brother. I have 25 cousins on my moms side alone. I am super close to some, others not as much, but we are inviting them all. You could use their excuse and say it was an oversight and invite him, so as not to upset the parents and sister. Was there a reason for not inviting him, financially or otherwise?

 

Post # 5
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee

I’m in a similar situation.  We are inviting my parents’ friends/distant relatives and their adult son, (whom I really like).  However, their adult daughter and I have never gotten along and I can go so far as to say we’ve hated each other.  She invited me to her wedding and clearly I didn’t go.  I DO NOT want her at my wedding, (I really really dislike her and know all she’ll do is talk shit about it later).  Alternatively I can see her RSVPing yes and then not showing up on purpose just to cause us to spend money on food and a placesetting that wont be used.  I’m stuck and don’t know what to do.  Good luck on your situation and let us know what you decide. (Sorry, I was no help)

Post # 6
Member
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would think you pretty much have to invite him, just to avoid any problems.

Post # 7
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You might just have to suck it up and invite him to avoid any problems.  If only we could just invite the people we actually have relationships with!  This whole wedding thing would be so much easier….

Post # 8
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I had a very small guest list — 50 total.  I have 2 cousins on my mom’s side and only invited 1 of them.  It was fine… and these are my first cousins!  The cousin I did not invite is much older than me and we were never close.  We haven’t seen eachother in many years and he lives in another state.  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have attended anyway, so I saved him from having to send an obligatory gift.  The other cousin that was invited didn’t attend for financial reasons.  Their dad (my uncle) came to the wedding and never said a thing.  I think most people understand that being related doen’t necessitate getting a wedding invitation.  I always feel funny when I’m invited to a wedding for someone I barely know….

Post # 9
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I think, especially since he is in the same immediate family, it would be proper to invite him.  If the daughter who is invited was the only second (?) cousin you were inviting, and idn’t have a sibling, that might be one thing.  But since it seems he is the only one in the family not invited, I would think it would be bet to invite him.  If it were me, I’d feel insulted. 

@MissEsq  If you and your cousin truly HATE each other, I wouldn’t think you should feel obligated to invite her. 

Post # 10
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Sorry, bubblebee, but I think that unless you have an actively and mutually negative relationship with their son, you should invite him to the wedding, too. Try to think of how you would feel if your whole family was invited to a wedding but you were not. I’d play it off as an oversight to save face, if I were you.

Post # 11
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Agreed. I too have a bunch of cousins, many of which I am not close, but we are inviting them all to the wedding. With all that said, and with what the others haev said, one thing I would say is ask your mother what she thinks (or your father if it is his sister) if your parents are ok with it then it should be okay I guess.

Post # 12
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

PS – It sounds like, if you’re really not close, he probably wouldn’t come anyway, so it wouldn’t hurt to extend the invitation out of kindness and to avoid hurt feelings, right?

 

Post # 14
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

If you don’t invite him, I think you need to be prepared for your aunt and his sister not to come to the wedding.  

Post # 15
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Hmm I guess I am the minority here, but I do not believe you have to invite him AT ALL.  My father in law has 1 brother and one sister.   We invited his sister, her husband and all three kids.  We did not invite his brother, his brother’s wife or one of his brother’s sons, but we did invite the other son.  He came with some hesitation, but ended up having a great time.  I believe that this is your one wedding, your one special day.  You should not have to invite someone just to keep the peace.  If you would not invite them to your home, why should you invite them to your wedding?  Do not let yourself be guilted into inviting everyone just because you "should".  Make it YOUR day and surround yourself with those you love and enjoy spending time with!

Post # 16
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Bubblebee, I understand the problem.  It’s hard to plan a wedding without stepping on anyone’s someone’s toes.  You’ve already invited the daughter.  Now your choices are:

1 Invite the 10 extra 2nd cousins to make everyone happy.  (Great if you can.)

2. Invite the one extra son.  (And field the questions from the other cousins.)

3.  Don’t invite the son.  (Potentially hurt the feelings of him, his mother and/or sister.  And potentially still field questions from other cousins who wonder why the one daughter was invited but no one else, including her own brother.)

If it’s at all possible, inviting them all is the easiest.  Of course there’s a good chance many will not come.  Family feelings are often more important to the parents than brides/grooms.  If it’s important to your mom, would she be willing to pay the extra money for them?  If money is an issue, then I’d guess that the lesser of two evils would be to invite the brother, and not the other cousins.  It seems like a cleaner cut, than to exclude one member of an immediate family.

If you must, you could explain to the complainers that you are very close to "that family", or the the one cousin "and her family".  How did you become so close to her?  Your homes are near by?  You work together?  You’re close in age?  Went to the same high school?  Some of your family might already know or figure this and be more understanding then you think.

Good luck.

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