Have uninvited parents to wedding next week

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2000

If they have abused you to the point of making you physically sick, I would call the police if the show up and also file harrassment charges if they continue to send you abusive messages and phone calls.

Post # 3
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

You do not have to invite anyone to your wedding family or not that is abusive to you. You need to forgive yourself for not wanting them involved and try to enjoy your special day 🙂 Congrats in advance.

Post # 4
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I can’t help, but you’ve done the right thing so far and I hope things go well. There is no need to feel guilty for getting abusive people out of your life, let alone your wedding. I know feelings don’t just erase when you know they’re irrational, but try to remember that.

Post # 5
Member
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Absolutely don’t invite them.

Enjoy your wedding day with people who make you feel good! 

Post # 7
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Have you tried therapy/counseling? My SO has terrible, terrible anxiety largely as a result of emotional abuse (much like what you’re describing) from his mother. My SO is just starting therapy after a recent blowout, but it helped his sister who has been in a similar situation. His mother also finds reasons to hate her children’s spouses/SOs, so I completely understand. 

We’re having a small domestic destination wedding, and we won’t invite her… although even if we did, she would likely say she is going until the last minute and not show. She would also freak out over the guest list because she wouldn’t know anyone, and freak out over her little involvement. We’ve been booking things without telling people we’re engaged, and she has no clue. I’m nervous about the backlash that is about to ensue since he is officially proposing soon, so we’ll really start to tell people.

Nonetheless, you should feel relieved. Your decision is the best you can make for you and your FH. Best of luck, darling. Remember, YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1885 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

I can relate, OP! Our wedding is next year and we still haven’t decided if we are inviting his parents. They have always been distant to him, nothing he did was ever good enough. Top that with alcoholism and a very religious (JW) upbringing. They don’t even know he’s engaged.

I am totally for having who YOU want at your wedding, regardless of etiquitte and social norms. Sounds like you made the right decision, and are lucky to have a SO that supports you.

Post # 11
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I had to break ties with my parents due to their abuse.  Your father sounds somewhat like mine.  Your wedding is YOUR day.  You decide who you want present.

My mom, unlike yours, wasn’t a nice lady.  But, she did apologize right before she died for not protecting me from my father.  She never owned her own abusivenes.

You have nothing about which to feel guilty.

I do wish you would consider therapy though.  You are probably suffering more than you need to & I know how much I benefitted from therapy.

My parents are both deceased & I didn’t have to deal with inviting them to my wedding.  I would have let my mother come after my father died, but him–not a chance.  Why put myself through it?

Post # 12
Member
2549 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Miss.E.91:  The trick is to find a therapist that works for you. My SO has hesitant, but he went to see the same therapist his older sister went to… she is now completely removed from their mother. So far he says it’s a lot better than what he’s gone to in tbe past.

Post # 13
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sassy411:  

+1 Therapy has worked wonders for me. It helped take me off the self destructive path I was on. 

Miss.E.91:  

Cut off your abusive family and don’t look back. It took me cutting off my mother several times for her behavior to change. We eloped partly to get away from her nasty comments and controlling manipulation. She behaves herself now because she knows that I will not have her in my life if she cannot be supportive and respectul. 

Post # 15
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

PositiveThinking:  

I’m glad therapy had helped you.  It certainly has changed my life for the better.  I’m now happily married to a wonderful, loving man.

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