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OMG what a terrible situation. I am so sorry you have to worry about this in your current and future life.
Can he go to some court to get the rights to his kids back? It doesn’t seem right that he cannot see his kids because the EX is jealous.
@aandmklover: Yeah he went and put down a retainer while we were visiting that week. There is a court date set. I am praying it will be a quick and easy agreement. She is very angry about him not being there physically to help her raise the kids. But he really can't tell uncle sam where he wants to live. She is so angry that she can't see the reasons he stays in the military. Healthcare for his kids is one example. He pays her childsupport. Even more than the amount the state says he should. He EVEN offered to help her get a place of her own (she lives with her mom). But she was still angry!!
She sounds like a bitter person.
I feel that as long as they aren’t being abused in any way EVERY parent should have the right to see their children. Regardless of how the main parent feels. Have you been able to have a lunch or sit down with the EX while FI was there? Maybe she feels threaded by you and maybe if you meet she will feel less angry.
It sounds like you are marring a very nice man that cares for his children.
@aandmklover: nope. She hates me so much that she refuses to speak with me at all. I asked if we could talk over the phone but she basically cursed me out. She is beyond difficult to deal with. I just want to meet them and get to know them BEFORE we get married. I don't think that will happen. Even his mother asked her to be reasonable...but the answer was still the same.
Would the ex feel more comfortable if she had someone there as a mediator along with her while you meet the kids? She may be feeling threatened by you. This may be because she thinks when you marry FI he'll take over custody of the children and never see them again. Which by the sounds of it would never happen. But hopefully the court will try to settle this so it doesn't ruin the lives of you future step-chilren because clearly you want to care for them as much as FI does.
Just a quick question, but is he legally married and engaged to you? That could be sore spot for her despite her being in a relationship now.
Fwiw, my FI's ex wife (he was divorced for 2 years before he and I met) is not friendly at all and refuses to talk to me. She has been in multiple live-in relationships and yet refuses to understand or fathom that her ex husband is getting remarried and that I will be the kids' stepmom (I get along w/the kids wonderfully).
@bellenga: No he never married her. That is probably the sore spot. He said he asked her once and she said NO. Even after having 3 children she said no. She moved up here with him and they still couldn't get along. SO she packed up and moved back home. That was 2 years ago.
Now I get it..sorry you're having to endure this. Just do as I have had to do, smile and bear it (for the kids) because they will look to you to see calmness and sanity in your home.
I am nice to T's ex wife no matter how she acts. Imho, it's hard to look good when being mean to somebody else if they are nothing but nice back to you. What I say about her in private is another story...but not to ever air in front of the kids.
I am really sorry to hear this too. I have a future step daughter and her mother is evil. She is completly unreasonable and is basically bankrupting us by constantly dragging him to court for riduculous things. She is always making up things and harassing us. Luckily he does have legal rights to see his daughter and a schedule. She is the sweetest little girl in the world and dispite her mothers inability to behave we have a wonderful relationship. Hopefully your FI can get this dealt with in the courts. Her refusal to let him see them may reflect poorly against her and give him the upper hand.
Good luck!
It's unfortunate that she's being unreasonable and she'll definitely have to get her act together. But until the two of you are actually married and therefore, she'll have to relent and allow the kids to spend time with the person that'll be their step-mother, as of right now, the only person that has any visitation rights is your FI.
Hate to sound that way, but from a legal standpoint, it's how it is. It's too bad your FI wasn't allowed to visit and had I been in your shoes, I'd have allowed him the space so that she'd be okay and he could visit. There'll be plenty of time (hopefully) in the future to visit, but as of right now you don't really have any rights and since anything can happen before the wedding, she is perfectly within her rights to say you can't visit with the kids (though she cannot do that with your FI).
@thebriz: I do understand she is within her desires to not have them meet me. I never said I had rights to see them or spend time with them. However, they have no custody agreement right now. So she simply withheld them because I was around. This is not about me allowing him time to see his kids. I NEVER said he couldn't see them. She said it was because I came. I also came to meet his family too. So our trip wasn't just so I can meet his children. So to make things clear. I would have gladly "given" him the space to spend time with his kids BUT she refused to allow HIM NOT US to spend time with them! I am glad if you were me you would have stepped out of the picture for awhile. Which I gladly would have done...but was not given the opportunity to do so. I had planned a day with one of my friends that lives in the area we were visiting so he could spend the whole day with just them. BUT their mother still withheld them. Wouldn't even let them talk to him on the phone. So now you have a better idea about what was going on, you will see I could have stayed in our hotel room the entire time and she would have still withheld them.
But yes thanks for pointing out I have no legal rights. Oh and FYI we put down a retainer with a lawyer when we realized she really was going to hold the children the entire time!
To everyone thanks so much for your advice and ideas. It was helpful to know I am not the only one. Sometimes I just get so down about the whole ordeal. Hopefully this will all be resolved in court next month!
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I have yet to meet my soon to be step kids. Why? Because his ex refused to let me meet them when we came to visit. My FI is currently stationed in another state because of the military. His ex and him have not been together for a long while but she is very angry...although she is in a serious relationship. So angry that when the plane landed she and we turned our phones on she had told us since I was there he would not see his kids. Well...we never saw the kids the whole week we were there. I felt so bad about him not being able to spend time with his kids but there wasn't anything I could do. So basically, I have yet to meet them and they cannot attend the wedding either because their mother will not allow them to go.