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Just curious, Hive - have you and your FI or husband ever broken up or "taken a break" prior to getting married?
Some Bees have touched on it in the past, just wondering if anyone on the Boards could relate too.
*DISCLAIMER: I don't want this to turn into a debate about whether or not people should get back together if they break up... its not the point.
Yes :) We dated twice before getting together this third time and getting married. Both times were only for 1 month each and we were way too young at the time (22). It wasn't actually a real 'breakup' since we were never boyfriend/girlfriend though.
We got back together at 26 because we couldn't stop thinking about each other and we've been inseperable ever since :)
nope we haven't. he was actually the first bf i've had that i didn't have a "break or breakup" with in the history of our relationship. and i, his first gf, that he didn't have a break/breakup with.
don't get me wrong, we've had our share of bumps and low moments in our relationship (not the direly threatening kind), but def learning curves in our relationship that have had one or both of us contemplate where the relationship was going at that point... but we've never had a break.
there were times in our dating period that both of us needed our "alone time" but it was always knowing that we were together... and that we needed to clear our heads to figure out the next step.
i definitely wasn't this mature in handling differences and growing together in my past relationships (which i think is the key as to why we've been able to hash it out together)
I think for a weekend in college LOL. I had gone through a very difficult time health wise, I got sick during the second week of our relationsip, and after I got a clean bill of health I had a mini freak out that I didn't want to be in such a serious relationship. Then after a night of partying I realized that I had an amazing man who stood by my side through one of the worst times in my life and I needed to be with him.
We haven't at all, despite four years of LDR. I think it made us stronger to stick it out. Of course, those were our circumstances. Every couple is different. :)
We took a small time-out about 8 months in. We didn't see each other or talk for about a week and a half. I think it helped us both put things in perspective and recognize that our relationship was something worth working through the rough patches.
We broke up almost every other weekend the summer before our senior year of college but we always ended up "getting back together" like a day later. Not really sure why, lol.
EDIT: Maybe I should add that this was before we were engaged or really ever talked seriously about marriage...
No, we've not been apart for more than two days since we started dating. However, we did know each other in high school and lost touch for 20 years...then got together. So I guess that's kind of a break, though we were never dated until fairly recently.
We almost broke up once in college (were dating for maybe a year, tops), but I cried and begged him not to leave me (I know, I used to be such a wuss), so we didn't break up, haha. Now I'm in charge! Muahahaha
We broke up twice in 3 years(LDR are hard!) and then broke up for an entire year before getting back together and getting engaged 4 months later. That year of being apart really made us realize we never wanted to be apart again :)
We never broke up. After about 3 weeks of dating, it was just understood that we spent each day on the weekend together and then would go out at least once after work during the week. We were pretty much inseparable from day 1 to be perfectly honest.
Once during a small fight he suggested we "take some time apart" (not a break, he insisted!) but I said that wasn't what I wanted at all, and he changed his mind in the next second, and that was the end of that. That's the closest we ever came! It's funny how many emotions I managed to go through in about 3 seconds though. I came out of that spat much more sure of how much I wanted to be with him!
once... very on in our relationship. He was in the military and I was not sure that I wanted to have a LDR let alone the military lifestyle (we only had three months together before he had to move from Texas to NC). After a 2 month break we decided we couldn't live without each other and 6 months later I was in North Carolina and we haven't looked back sense.
I'm glad it happened though.. made us realize how much we cared about each other!
Yup, we did, technically only for a day. About 3 years ago we just weren't vibing, to put it simply. I loved him, but I wasn't convinced that we'd ever be on the same page. We just weren't getting along and neither one of us was putting in much effort. It took us awhile to get things back to the way they were supposed to be. We recommited ourselves not only to the relationship but to the work it takes to keep a relationship going- its tough stuff! I'm so freaking glad we made it past that rough patch. I'm sure there will be more bumps in the road, but I feel more equipped to deal with them now.
Nope, we did not. I don't really think "breaking up" is a real break up either when it happens for like a week where you go about life as usual minus talking to each other. I dont think it's ever really over that fast.
No, we have never taken a break. There have been rocky times but, we have stuck together through it all. My philosophy has been either you are in it for good or not at all. I personally feel that if I have to take a break from my relationship then something is not right and its probably not meant to be. Please do not think that I am saying this is how it should be for everyone. *** Personally, my views have been if you have to take a break then there is no fixing it... I was not going to be one of those girls who just kept breaking up and getting back together. My fiance' and I have gone through so much but a break was never an option unless it was for good. I am not saying that others can't do this... I am just saying this is how I chose to live personally.
No, we've never been close to taking a break, or breaking up. And I hope that it never comes to that point where we can't work out our differences :)
Yup we did for a week. In year 4 or our 6.5 year relationship! It really was a hard time in our relationship but we didn't stop talking to each other or see anyone else. So I guess it was more like a low point where we both talked and talked and talked to decide whether or not we wanted to continue and hash things out or end the relationship.
Happily we decided to hash things out and things have been GREAT since. We got engaged just over a year later!
Nope. I have never been a yo-yo-er. When I break up I stay broken up! :) I think it is just because I'm way more rational than emotional and I'm generally pretty good at diffusing arguments before we'd get to that point. FI is pretty emotional but he is not one to say things he doesn't mean. Either that or maybe we've just been lucky!
YES! And because of it we are marrying each other with total confidence. We didn't break up early on. We broke up 3 years in (right after my sister got married). THe major reasons were that he wasn't sure he wanted kids and some smaller housekeeping kind of issues. It was really sad, but not a mean break-up. Background: he is 40 and divorced (no kids) which greatly influenced his difficulty in deciding the marry again. He wanted me to be happy and have the life that I was looking for.
We lived together, so I moved out...about a month later. We still talked and slept in the same bed, but just were not together. I moved in with my parents for a few months. We broke up in March, I moved out in April. I dated...went on match and eharmony. He and I talked occasionally, mostly by text and we also "hooked up" a couple of times (always ending with me crying as I drove home).
Eventually, he realized that he really wanted to be with me and wanted to have (1) kid. We had some deep conversations while broken up and because the pressure was off we were able to make a more rational decision. So we basically got back together at the beginning of July.
On August 17th, he proposed and we're getting married in 11 days.
If pressure is the main issue (not personality) I think a break can really help a couple to figure things out. He jokes that we "pre-divorced" and now we are set.
We never have broken up or taken a break, although I have gone to my parents house a few times, fully intending to stay the night to have a break after a big fight. But every time, I ended up going home and we worked it out. Now I don't do that anymore-- I just wait a little bit, get my thoughts in order and deal with our issue, rather than going to my parents house and getting them involved.
We talked about taking a real break once, but I'm so glad we didn't.
On a side note: today is FH's birthday-- last one before we get married. I baked him a three-tiered checkered cake, woot woot. :)
Yep! We broke up probably 3 times? We've been together 8 years total this week, but we started dating when I was 16 so I think that explains plenty :) I was too young, thought there was no way I could have found the one so early in my life, I needed to experience things (at least thats what new college friends tell you!). But then we got back together and we knew it was true love. (awwww, lame i know haha)
Nope we never broke up. That being said we did have one big fight about a month or two into our relationship and both of us credit that fight to be when we both knew we wanted to be with the other forever. And since that fight we rarely fight and almost never yell...we talk it out a lot better now :)
Yep, once for about 6 days, about 4 months into our relationship...was probably the best thing for both of us
Yes. I "broke up" with FI twice, but both times realized the mistake within hours!
I would get upset about dumb things and let it spiral out of control. The first time I broke up with him, it was because I baked him cookies and he left them at my place on accident....I cried for hours about how he "didn't appreciate me." lol, I got my period the next day.
Second time I dumped him was because we were long distance and I was thinking how much easier it would be to date someone close to home, but I realized that I love him, no matter how far away he is :) Now we are in the same city again, thank goodness!
Nope! In nearly 3 years together we also haven't had any major fights or anything... that seems so weird! we got together though at the WORST time (unintentionally!) when I had been broken up with my ex for a few weeks and my ex was harassing me big time, so the early days were filled with him comforting me quite a bit and helping me move when a room mate started being weird and stalky... I am not a drama girl and I was so worried at the time that he would think that I was one of those people that always had weird stuff going on in their lives!
His support though only showed me just how much of a great guy he was and we have been pretty inseperable from those first few weeks
No, although we did go through a slight rough patch about two years ago.
Actually yes. After two years together and one of living together, we discussed that we were going to be engaged - so we did the whole, buy a house before the ring thing. After we got into the house, all hell broke loose. He moved out, insisted I wasn't marriage material and spent a week doing whatever he wanted to do - and then proceeded to call me every single day afterward. We ended up in counseling and got back together after 2 months. The getting back together was a huge struggle but made us both a lot stronger and more sure of the fact that we wanted to get married.
Our wedding date is about two years since then (this October) and so much has changed for the better. Our breakup is what made us sure we were in it for the long haul.
We did. We had been dating for not quite two months, and we were only 21 anyway, so it's hard to take seriously. That was almost three years ago. He had a close female friend who was going through a hard time, and her friend convinced him to hit on her? Or something ridiculous that I only found out after the fact. He said he panicked because we were getting serious and he thought he might have feelings for her and was confused. Fair enough. He realized, four days later, what a mistake he had made, and came over to talk it out. I had sent him an email telling him that he owed me the truth because his original story was just that he realized he didn't love me or something really transparent. We've come a long way since then, but it took a lot of trust rebuilding, especially because she is the one who turned him down. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if she had had feelings for him, but it was so long ago and so early in our relationship that I feel like it was before we truly got serious anyway.
Yes, about 1.5 years into the relationship we ended up splitting up (I was 18, he was 19.) because we were so young and weren't ready for such a serious relationship. We got back together about three months later and have been together ever since. We don't really count the three months apart- we just think of being together for over five years. We're happy, and planning our wedding! :D Every story is different, and that's okay.
No. never broken up. Year 3 (been together for 6.5 years) was a very difficult year for us, but we worked through the issues really well.
i *almost* broke up w/FH shortly before we moved in together. i won't go into detail, but he did something that was pretty hurtful. i forgave him and fortunately nothing has ever happened like that again. it still hurts to think about it, but i know that he was truly sorry and he's a man of his word.
wow you guys are good...or maybe people that have REALLY broken up aren't speaking up :)...
we broke up for a year and a half before we got back together...we had a quasi relationship for a couple of months, we broke up because "he needed his space but wanted to be friends" I said hell no and we didn't speak at all to each other for 3 months...he begged his way back to just saying hi to me in passing, realized he couldn't live without me (my version) and a year later we were back together :) got married 5 years later and baby on the way!
once for 3 days early on in our relationship...He wasn't sure he wanted to be in a relationship. Then found out he really did.
and we went through a few month rough patch and were tempted to take a break but then decided to work things out about a year and a half into our relationship. And I am so glad we didn't take a break. we learned how to work even better together and I am so in love with him. Sometimes I think it was good we went though our rough patches (even though it hurt a lot during the time it was going on) and continue to not always get along.. we are learning and constantly growing together and each day is a new day to fall more in love. Through the good stuff and the bad.
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