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I've never cheated nor been cheated on. I have pretty strong feelings on this issue, after watching a close family member deal with a habitually cheating partner. Personally, it's a dealbreaker for me in my relationship, although I understand how other people are able/willing to work through things.
I have never cheated, but I have been cheated on. horrible horrible horrible.
One of the things I've noticed is that people seem unable to leave relationships, so they don't leave until they've moved on to a new thing or they use cheating as a way out. This is why I think so many people cheat. And it bugs the ba'jeezes out of me.
Neither. 'Course, it helps that I'm currently engaged to the only person I've ever dated (ditto for him), and that both of us are the commitment-sort.
I'm like Chalellamus. And it is horrible to be cheated on....even when it's not as serious as after being engaged. It's happened to me more than once (I guess I'm super trusting b/c in all cases I sort of knew something was up, but allowed that since I have a lot of male friends maybe it was harmless). One of the times was in a more serious relationship, but in all fairness he told me soon after and said he thought he was falling for her. They are still together as far as I know, 10 years later, so maybe that was just fate and bad timing. I still think he should have waited to act on his feelings, though. It really does destroy one's ability to trust...ask my FI. I was super insecure about an ex-GF of his early on....b/c most of the situations (yes 2 of the 3 times) involved an ex-GF who was now "just a friend". He had a hard time understanding where I was coming from b/c we hadn't been together very long and in his case she really was a friend (dated kind of casually for 2 mos after knowing each other since first grade), but we obviously worked it out. Now I have the level of trust with him that I had before all of those horrible experiences...but it did take a while to get there b/c I was so cautious.
I was joking with him that he's simply too disorganized to hide something like that from me. He was like, "I'm just too honest. I'd probably tell you right away b/c I can't keep secrets." Which is so true.
I've never been cheated on or cheated, but I really feel for those who have to go through it :(
We are hearing about a lot of cheating lately... it's sad. I "cheated" on one of my high school boyfriends by kissing another boy, but that's it. I've been cheated on once (um... as far as I know, anyway), but we only dated for a few months and I didn't find out about it until years and years later, so it didn't have any emotional impact on me. I think it's hard to understand how devastating something would be without experiencing it. That said, I know I would hate it if my fiance cheated on me!
Ok, kind of a ramble. Signing off now. 
I have never cheated, and I don't *think* I have been cheated on. But looking back, I do wonder about one of my ex-boyfriends.
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Neither for me, but Mr. Bunny was cheated on! I know he'd never do that to me because he knows just how incredibly crappy it feels.
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I have both cheated and been cheated on.
I don't regret cheating and I never will. I was in an impossibly bad relationship with an obsessive, needy guy who would never have left me alone if I had tried to break up with him in a normal way.
Toward the end, he would call me 20 times in one night while I was out with friends and freak out if I didn't answer.
All through our relationship, he maintained daily contact with multiple female "best friends," one of whom was his ex, even after I told him I wasn't comfortable with this.
He got mad at me for not being able to talk to him because I needed to study (we were long-distance while I was away at school and had agreed from the start that school came first. I got A's. He failed three classes in the first year).
He got mad at me for not coming home often enough (I didn't have the money to just plunk down for a plane ticket whenever he wanted me to).
His father made fun of me all the time for my strange eating habits (I had an eating disorder), and he never defended me. Toward the end of the relationship, when we started getting in a lot of fights, he used his knowledge of my ED against me because he knew that was the only way he could really upset me.
When we were in the same town and hung out at night, if I said that I was tired and ready to go home and go to bed, he would physically restrain me from leaving his house/car if he wasn't ready for me to leave yet.
The few times that I tried to break up with him, he cried and begged me to change my mind. I was afraid that he would continue to call me all the time and beg me to take him back, or that he would do physical harm to himself or to me if I ended it. He truly acted as if the end of our relationship would be the end of the world. He truly believed we were going to get married even though he knew I didn't want to. It really reached a point where we were emotionally abusive to each other, but he didn't want it to end, and I didn't know *how* to end it. Who gets into a situation like that at 19, seriously? I think, in the end, the only way I knew of to end his attachment to me was to do something that would make him not want me anymore, so I did.
After we finally did break up, and he was aware of my cheating, he told me he had cheated on me, too, almost a year earlier. I remember the girl and I remember suspecting them and him denying it. I wish I would have found out then, so I could have just broken up with him much sooner and never cheated as I did. But I don't regret it. I am so much better off now than I ever was with him, and I never would have gotten into that relationship if I'd known what it would turn into.
I did not cheat with the intention of hurting him, even though I knew I would. I cheated because I was genuinely happy with the other guy, in a way I'd never been with the previous guy. And the guy I cheated with? He's my FI. We've been together three years.
Thanks everyone for the input.
Mr.Flamgino has cheated in his past relationships (not serious relationships but still) and for some reason that doesnt worry me... maybe it should.
I agree with Bamboo. People tend to have an option B before ending a relationship.
Obviously I was cheated on..you'll find that out if you read my responses to brides here who are cheated on! It's a COWARDLY thing to do btw especially when you're married. Plus that I'm going to be an encore bride kinda gives it away.
I haven't cheated but have been cheated on. It was devastating and it was something that took a VERY long time to get over. I also stupidly hooked up with this ex several times after we broke up even though I knew he had a gf. I justified it by telling myself that he was my bf first and it wa okay since he started "talking" to her while we were still together -- I know, I know, what was I thinking!
My ex husband cheated on me with a co-worker. They're still together and now have a baby together. I have never cheated on someone.
@IA_Snowflake Oh am I so sorry. But glad you found some that was good for you.
I don't think I have been cheated on, but I'm not 100% sure. Also, I've been in just a couple really serious relationships.
I cheated once. It was horrible and wrong and selfish and there is no excuse. Especially seeing the pain cheating has caused in my own family, I feel especially selfish. BUT, I was younger and in a relationship that wasn't really going anywhere. I was at a point in my life where I should have just been single and dated around, but I wanted to be in a relationship to feel needed. Basically, I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.
Of course, it goes without saying that I would NEVER cheat on my FI. My reasons for being in this relationship are completely different, we are obviously very committed and I have no desire to be with anyone else.
I've "cheated" on a high school bf (kissed someone else; broke up with the bf the next day), and I was cheated on in two relationships. Both of my experiences with cheating were very different with opposite outcomes, and that makes me believe that infidelity in any relationship can't be broken into black and white. I believe it should be judged on case by case basis. I also now believe that people cheat for a lot of different reasons, and that relationships can and do recover in some cases.
I've never cheated or, as far as I know, been cheated on. However, I was single and dating a man who was in a relationship. As soon as I suspected and found out, that was the end of that. I felt terrible. There were excuses, like some posters have mentioned, that things were already "over" with the other woman, but it still wasn't right.
I agree that cheating is terrible and cowardly, but I don't think that just because someone is an encore bride that there was always cheating involved.
I've cheated on a couple of boyfriends over the years. I guess it's technically cheating, because I called the guys my BF, but they weren't serious relationships by any means and it didn't feel like a big deal. Looking back on them now, I wouldn't call them boyfriends either. I consider those relationships completely different, then my relationship with my husband now. No idea why, but from the minute we met, I felt that way too. Never even entered my mind to cheat.
I've never cheated but I dated a man off and on for a few years never knowing that most of the time we dated he was with someone else, got her pregnant, and quickly married her. I found out when I was dating someone else and ran into him and his son. He didn't come right out and tell me-I put 2 & 2 together about the son and then later found pictures on myspace of his wedding. Even though we dated casually, it still hurt because some of the time we were dating and talking, he was also with her.
@mary alice me: true, I was not incenuating that, but being an encore bride people just have to know I was married before! That was what I meant..
However when I did go to divorce recovery, it was at one of our local megachurches, of the several hundred there with me, about 75% or more of them were there because of reasons regarding infidelity. They did a "raise your hand why you are here" kind of thing.
Maybe I'm wrong..but I don't consider cheating quite as bad when you're in high school or something. I did dump a guy in hs because I wanted to date somebody else I'd met. But when you're living together or married or in a very very long term committed relationship somehow I feel that's different. What I did at 16 isn't the same as the things I do now (ahem...I'm 40..still freaks me out btw!)ya know? I feel maturity should be a factor that comes into play when discussing infidelity. My xh was 34 years old. I think he knew right from wrong by then and that being married and being a parent should have taken top priority.
I have been cheated on a few times and after the last time it took me awhile to get over because after a few times you start to wonder what is wrong with me? But in all honesty it was when the relationships were on their way out, just neither one of us knew how to get out. However, I still dont think cheating is ever warranted. It hurt so bad, that I would never cheat and have not. I can not and would not want to put someone else through that hurt and I am too honest and cannot keep things a secret. I feel horrible immediately if I hurt my FI feelings if I snap at him if I am having a bad day, bc no matter what day he is having, he never does that to me, so I cant imagine doing anything more hurtful. It is disheartning seeing all these recent posts about cheating partners, it does make a chill run up your spine but you havve to have faith.
I cheated and have been cheated on.
When i say I cheated, it was my high school relationship (from age 15-20) and I was young and stupid. I don't have much more of an excuse than that, it's not even an excuse, I wasn't a very good person when I was younger but I began to change and mature as I got older. The same guy did end up cheating on me, which was horrible as well, but he was older (20) and sleeping with a (15) year old (don't worry, her parents knew and APPROVED!!!). After some therapy and reflecting, I realized my relationship with him was really bad, he was emotionally and physically abusive, there was a date rape incident, and I may have cheated to try to escape the situation but we were too scared to be without each other. I really grew a lot after that happened and I'm happy that it did because I am now a better person for it. I called him up after a few months and thanked him because he helped me to see the person I wanted to become. I'd love to thank him again because my FI was the next person I became seriously involved with (I dated, just didn't become serious with anyone until my FI).
I agree w/ Bamboo that people cheat to get out of a relationship in a weasely way, rather than being honest about not being happy. Also, I've noticed that once people cheat they have a pattern of doing it, it seems indicative of pretty deep seeded issues that take a lot of work to get through. I've seen some couples work together to get through that kind of thing and I admire them for it, but it seems like VERY difficult work.
I cheated, on my current SO- we hit the three year mark, and we hit different places in our lives. We'd received some bad news, and he didn't react well to it- I grew up in a family where depression is totally non-existent, and he fell into it hard, and when it happened, I didn't know what to do- I freaked. Our relationship got worse and worse over a one month period until I told him I wanted to break up- he cried and begged me not to leave, but I said I had to- I tried to talk him into it on 3 occasions, but every time it ended with him crying and begging- I felt like shit, and I'm sure he did too. But we lived together, which made things double difficult. I still loved him but I wanted to run, and he wouldn't let me go, so I cheated, a one night thing, with a guy I knew- it was like my desperate attempt to find a reason to make him leave, because I didn't even like the guy. He still didn't want to let me go after that, but I called things off and made him leave so we could cool off. Fast forward two months, and we met for dinner. Both of us were a hundred times better- he was happier, he was finally taking life seriously, and oddly enough he'd matured a lot in such a short period. I'd matured a lot also, and had gotten to a really good place in my life- I'd straightened my life out, so to speak. People had told us for years that we were like that great old married couple, and after one date, we were immediately a much improved version of what we were before. I don't regret it at all- I regret the hurt he had to feel, because it still kills me to this day that it happened, but it without a doubt has made our relationship infinitely stronger and more resilient. We are basically glued to each other, hah- we love each other dearly and don't know what we'd do without each other- we've been together a total of 7 years now. I have since them learned to cope with his ups and downs, and am generally able to pull him out before he gets too deep into any emotional issues- we balance each other that way: I'm pretty unemotional and happy, so I help him rebound, and he makes me realize it's ok to have emotions sometimes.
Have never been in either situation. And honestly, I can't imagine ever being in either situation. I've never had any desire to cheat on an SO and I've never been the least bit worried that an SO would cheat. But that must be the young naivety in me!
I really can't imagine how I'd deal if my guy cheated. I just hope that I wouldn't end up growing old with a bunch of cats because I was scared for life. It would be extra sad because I don't even like cats.
I have been cheated on. I found out about it the very first thing on Monday morning early this week. Days are different. I move from shock to denial to bargaining back to denial again. I still don't know the details or even the full story (to all the bees who've been following my story). hopefully i'm finding out tonight, not looking forward to. What I can say is that it's horrible, especially when you have planned your lives and future around each other. Almost everywhere you go you seem to be surrounded by the shadow of your partner who has cheated on you. The worst is when you have to answer to your friends and family when they ask about his whereabouts.
I've never cheated. I've never been cheated on by my FI, but I was cheated on in high school. That sucked!
Sadly, I've been cheated on by just about every serious relationship I've been in. And yes, I have issues from it. :o( Mr. Sushi was also a pretty promiscuous guy and he and I had many issues our first year of dating. We broke up, worked things out and have been stronger than ever, ever since. :o) I really could write a book though on my past relationships.
Sushi, Im sorry to hear... I say go for it! (Writing the book that is) ;)
I've only had one significant other (the fh!), all of my boyfriends from high school I consider significant only in the sense that they helped me realize the qualities of my perfect partner. I know that one of the exes that I'm still on speaking terms with cheated on me during one of our many dating sprees, and this has never bugged me because I knew from the beginning of each of my previous relationships that I wasn't with the guy that I would be marrying (I especially like to remember this when I reflect on the skeez balls that I used to associate with!)
I have both cheated and (I suspect) been cheated on ...
I was in a serious (2 year long) albeit self-destructive LDR when I was younger. My ex was an older man, was divorced with 2 little kids, and some serious trust issues. I was in school when we were together so didn't have a lot of extra money. I travelled to see him almost every weekend, but near the end of the relationship, I was not as motivated to spend the money to see him as we fought a lot.
Every weekend I didn't visit he accused me of cheating on him, he called me, drunk, yelled at me, called me names every time I didn't visit. Eventually I got tired of the verbal abuse, and decided that since I was being treated like a cheater I might as well do it.
I am not super proud of what I did. But the relationship was obviously over anyways, since he could not trust me. He called me drunk calling me names, so I went out with the guys and hooked up with one of them. I canned my ex and told him he was finally right, I had sex with someone else, and did it make him happy? Then I packed his stuff in a box and sent it on greyhound to his city. It was over.
I haven't cheated but have been cheated on (twice). It was devastating and it was something that took a VERY long time to get over, especially the second time. The same thing happened to my husband in his relationship prior to meeting sweet 'lil 'ole me, and while I hate he went through that...I have to admit I'm kinda relieved he knows how heart wrenching it is. One of our first committment discussions relvolved around cheating and how unacceptable we each viewed it to be. I'm thankful we have the open, out there relationship we do b/c I honestly feel that we'll talk through relationship issues before we get to the point of cheating our way out.
Sadly, I know I'm not the type of person who could forgive and forget that type of breech in our marriage....although I know people who can (I was raised by one of them).
....and I just realized this was the first post where I'd referred to my SO as my husband. And yes, that was just a little bit cool inspite of the serious topic. :)
FI and I both were cheated on by our ex's
I cheated at the end of a bad marriage. I told him the next day. He forgave me, but I decided that if it had come to that, I should go, and I honestly did not believe he could forgive me. I didn't even ask him to, it was just time for me to go.
It wasn't a one night stand, but with the person I should have married many years ago. I will marry him in October.
Regrets? No. Guilt for the pain I caused? Absolutley. It's taken a long time to forgive myself, and I don't expect him to , ever. It's something I live with.
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I seem to be reading more and more cheating story and it kind of worries me.
Aren't we able to stay commited to our SO? I've personally never cheated or been cheated on (well not that I know of anyway)
So if your willing to share, whats your story?