Have you confronted Other Woman– WHY?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@CatsDogsBees:  I don’t get it either, and I 100% believe the significant other is the one with the responsibility to the relationship and thus any and all problems should be taken up with him/her.

That said, I think people who do this are grasping at whatever straws they can in attempt to gain some control over the situation (or feel like they can/have). It’s just much easier emotionally to tell yourself problems are due to someone/something else than to examine your relationship with honest eyes and admit to yourself the person you love is in fact the one to blame for your relationship not being stable.

Channeling anger and frustration at some stranger you don’t have strong feelings is more attractive to a lot of people than either moving on from a mismatched relationship or putting in the time to work through issues, especially if the significant other is not interested in being faithful/changing behaviors/etc.

Sadly, I think it’s ALL wasted energy and usually only results in stirring up more drama and making the person look silly and/or crazy.

Post # 4
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CatsDogsBees:  This may seem blunt but man do you seem to lack empathy. 

I have been confronted by an ex’s current girlfriend, she called and yelled but we ended up being friends. One of me and my ex’s mutual friends had given her false information, she wrongly thought we had been seeing each other. I felt so bad because she seemed exhausted and completely confused. I let her get her frusterations out and then let her know that nothing had happened but I am sorry she ever felt the need to set boundaries with me. I could care less about WHY she felt the need to contact me. You gotta do what you gotta do

I have never confronted another girl and have never experienced what it is like to not trust your partner so I can’t even imagine how hard it is for someone to be caught in that jazz. 

Post # 5
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

@polyblonde:  +1

Except in cases where the other girl is harassing the guy and he doesn’t know how to tell her to back off… then it’s not 100%

This just makes me so glad my partner and I are both poly. Never had any jealousy issues.

@CatsDogsBees:  I’m so sorry that you’re being attacked when you’re not at fault. That totally blows.

Post # 6
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No I haven’t, and I’ve never had a woman confront me either. It seems strange to me that would happen to you so many times if you were innocent!

Post # 7
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@polyblonde:  +1 

I think it is just them looking for some sort of control or them trying to get a leg to stand on. If my DH ever did something shady I would hold the blame on him but I am not even remotely aware of how I would handle the other person. When a girl confronted me I felt nothing but bad for the aweful situation she was in, I had done nothing wrong but the gal was obviously destroyed. 

 

Post # 8
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@CatsDogsBees:  Lot of reasons why:

  • Because women always blame the other women as opposed to their lying cheating scumbag partner.
  • Because women are more controlling than men yet are never called on it
  • Because rather than working on their insecurities, trust issues and other personal issues they prefer to project onto someone else
  • Because sometimes their partner is a lying scumbag and they think they might get the truth from another woman

Post # 9
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@CatsDogsBees:  I think the point is to get proof? Or the other side of the story? I never have but I’d hope if I started seeing numbers or emails etc.. The person on the other end would clear some things up for me. Usually cheaters aren’t the most forthcoming With the truth.

Post # 11
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I totes agree that it’s the partner who broke the commitment’s problem/issue and that it doesn’t make sense to blame/confront the “other woman”. HOWEVER, we have a cultural expectation that men are willing to have sex with anyone and women are in control of when and how sex happens. Therefore, women are “taking advantage” of a man by having sex with him when he is commited. The idea is, after all, he is a man and will have sex with anyone so the woman is causing trouble by having sex with him when he has a partner. That idea is tied to women  are whores for having sex and men are just being men by nature. I think that’s where A LOT of it comes from, whether it’s consciously thinking that or not.

Post # 12
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@blushpinkbride:  I thought the same thing.

I think this is a pretty unusual situation to be in, I have never been in this situation at all and to have out happen to you 3 times makes me think you are probably doing something to provoke them.

Post # 13
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@CatsDogsBees:  I didn’t confront the chick my ex was messing around with. No point. As soon as I knew he’d been unfaithful, he was basically dead to me and she was welcome to have him. He was the one who had committed to me and therefore he was a piece of crap – I certainly wasn’t going to fight for that. 

Post # 14
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

Never. My female friends and I all have different tastes with the exception of a few celebrities who none of us have chances with.

Post # 15
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@CatsDogsBees:  Yeah, he definitely is the one you should be blaming. Obviously he is seeking out something outside of the realationship and that should be where the main focus is but…

 

The third time I won’t reveal much except to say in retrospect: jesus, bitch. calm down. I made my choice and it wasn’t him, so relax”


certainly doesn’t make you any less guilty or wrong. The other two stories-the girls were clearly going nuts out of anger and pain (which I can imagine leads you to do crazy things) because they knew there was something off-kilter whether it was with you or not. Orrrr maybe they were just genuinely crazy.

 

But as for the third situation, she had every right to call you out on your crap. You did something deceitful and wrong from what it sounds. I’m a little unclear on why you wouldn’t expect a woman to call you out on your behavior if you’re out of line and crossing boundaries with someone she is in a relationship with..regardless if you had a history?

To sum it up, females can be down right nuts but most times.. they do it because they know something is up. If you did something shitty.. expect to be called out and questioned on your shitty behavior. You’re an adult, confrontation is natural. End of story.

Post # 16
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you are being confronted about your behavior with an unavailable man I think you can assume that it is because your behavior is either unacceptable or can be construed in some way as being inappropriate. I’d take the feedback at face value and simply respect the request. 

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