Post # 1
I’ve recently encountered some jealousy from an unexpected person in our life. DH’s younger brother has become more and more jealous over me in recent months, with our marriage bringing it all to a head. I never thought this was possible as I’ve always been so warm and welcoming to his siblings. Part of this is because I don’t have any siblings, so feeling close to DH’s is important to me. His brother and I do have a past history of not getting along, but I thought that it was water under the bridge since I truly believed we had made up and moved on. I guess I was wrong though..
DH’s brother is now causing family drama because he is claiming that I’ve “stolen” his brother away from him. I understand that he’s a young guy and having his older brother get married might have been hard on him, but we’re all adults here. It’s not like I’m talking about a 10 or even 16 year old brother…we’re all in our 20s. His brother is claiming that I force DH to lie and make up excuses so that we can avoid him because I don’t want DH spending close time with anyone but me anymore. When I brought out the wedding photo album we just recieved in the mail DH’s brother rolled his eyes and said, “I’m going home if you don’t put that shit away.”
This is absurd! DH and I are working adults who barely have time for each other, let alone to be able to go and socialize with people daily. Now DH’s brother is getting my in-laws involved and they believe him. It’s sad because this recent drama erupted from me informing my BIL that he could not come over tonight because DH and I are going to view a couple of houses and have other plans. I invited him to come over tomorrow instead, but now he thinks we are lying again…
Good grief! Has anyone else dealt with jealous family members after you were married? How did you cope with it? I’d love to hear some things you might have said. Although I want to say “GROW UP!” I think I need to be a bit more sensitive because his brother is obviously hurt and not reacting appropriately. I can see this getting worse before it gets any better and that really bothers me because we’ve worked so hard to make this a happy family as a whole…. dang… ;(
Post # 3
No one have a similar experience?
Post # 4
I wish I had some good advice but I’m kinda in the same boat…
Here’s my situation and how we’ve best dealt with it:
DH mother has been like your BIL the entirity of our relationship and still continues since we tied the knot. It’s been close to 2 years
We’ve haven’t found a way to really resolve the issue though b/c well we can’t control her and as of now she prefers to see herself as the victim and continues to act ugly & passive aggressive when we’re around or when DH talks to her.
All we’ve been able do to is change the way it affects us… as we know that we aren’t secluding ourselve or totally cutting off ties (as I’m sure ya’ll are either) and we just brush off whatever is said and continue on the next time we see/talk to her almost as if nothing has happened.
I’m not talking about denial.. but considering the fact that her and DH have talked COUNTLESS times about it and her and I have talked.. even me apologizing for causing her any issues and anytime I’ve made her feel unwelcomed.. as well she still continues *sigh*
I hope that your DH And BIL can talk it out and that maybe just him affirming the relationship as something that’s important to him and dear to him will be enough.
*hope it gets worked out*
Post # 5
@runsyellowlites: Thanks for your reply. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with this. I’m sorry you going through that with you MIL. I used to have issues with my MIL and that is a whole other story. DH is being pretty good about this all, so we will just have to do as you have mentioned and try to ignore it. I certainly don’t want any fighting to happen..
Post # 6
This is pretty common. Since you have no siblings you don’t know what it is like to lose one. Despite your claims he has lost his brother. It is no longer his bro and him… it is now his bro YOU and THEN him… and it hurts him. Does it justify his behaviour? No, but that’s how he feels and it isn’t going to change.
Now to improve the situation. Get a backbone. Next time he suspects your lying say listen buddy, I am not lying we have stuff to do believe me or don’t. I’m not keeping brother away, I want you to hang out and you can, but tonight we’re busy. If you want to hang out you’re going to have to give us some notice and make plans.
After that, I suppose you just have to let them to hang out on a semi regular basis.
Post # 7
@west.coast.blonde I think your best bet is to talk to FI about this. It would be best if he has a talk with his brother so that everyone is on the same page and you are no longer being seen as the one who is taking him away. Your FI can rationally explain to his brother that he loves you and that their relationship will stay the same, just a little different. I dont think you should get involved. The brother is looking for some one to blame. Dont give him more ammo.
Post # 8
My goodness. Sorry I can’t relate, but your BIL sounds immature. Has your DH talked to his brother and family? I hope he is defending you and calling them on their madness.