Post # 1
Up until a few years ago, I still hung out in a group of my high school friends (from 15 years ago!). Then, there started to be all these petty arguments between everyone and the group kinda separated.
I managed to stay friends with the whole group cause I never got into the arguments. I did stay closer to others, but still all consider them friends. I also moved about 500 miles away about 3 years ago, so it’s been 2-3 years since I’ve seen some of these people.
When I was getting married last year in my new city, I sent invitations to everyone in the group and really hoped they would all show up. Most of them did and I was thrilled and we all had a great time catching up on old times! One of my oldest friends didn’t come and I suspect it was because she didn’t want to see everyone else and have to make nice. To be honest, I didn’t really blame her. She and one of the girls who did come had a pretty good argument to end their friendship and she told me that she didn’t want to cause drama at my wedding. Plus, we’re not really that close anymore (we talk by email a few times a year and I haven’t seen her in at least 3 years). Despite all that, the invitation to my wedding was genuine and I really did hope she would come and everyone would play nicely.
As it turns out, this friend who didn’t come to my wedding is getting married herself this fall in our hometown and I recently received an invitation from her. I’m afraid that it’s a token invitation just because I invited her to my wedding. I really do want to go cause although we’ve drifted apart, she’s one of my oldest friends and would really like to support her. I know what it’s like though to feel like you ‘have’ to invite people and I don’t want to increase her numbers for people that she actually does want there. I also don’t want to come right out and ask if she really wants me there cause she’s probably the least confrontational person I know and would just tell me that “Of course she wants me there!” even if she’s secretly praying that I don’t show up.
Am I overthinking this?
Post # 3
if you want to go then go. Maybe email her and let her know how honored you are to be invited since you know how difficult it is to plan a wedding and decide on the guest list. Even if it was a token invite, once she knows you truly want to be there it won’t matter.
Post # 4
Yeah, I think you ARE overthinking it. If she invited you and you want to go, then just go! Based on what you’ve said, there’s no reason to believe that she *doesn’t* want you there.
Post # 5
I would go. You might be overthinking it a bit. I sent several invitations out to peopel I knew from high school even if we didn’t talk for a long time because they were important parts of my life and I wanted them at there on my special day.
I have received invitaions that I knew for certain were “token invitations.” I went anyway because I love weddings 🙂 I got them nice gifts to sort of “cover my plates.”
Post # 6
I would definitely go! I’m sure she would love the oppertunity to see you!
Post # 7
If she didn’t want you there, and you happened to ask her about the wedding at some point, she could have easily said, “well, ya know, space, budget, blah blah blah” … but she did send you an invite, so I think she does want you there.
Post # 8
@smiles4jo: You should go and, yes, you are over thinking it.
Post # 9
I think you are overthinking it. I would just figure out what you really want and go from there. If you don’t want to go to this wedding, then don’t. But if you really do and you’re just psyching yourself out, then RSVP yes, go and have a good time.
Post # 10
You’re overthinking. You sound just like me. I’m the one who’s managed to bridge the gap and stay friend with the entire high school group from 12 years ago, some i’m closer with than others. They won’t all be invited to my wedding and I wasn’t invited to all of theirs. There will be people who don’t really like each other much as a result of high school related drama but we’re grown ups and hopefully no one cares who kissed whos boyfriend 10 years ago (especially seeing as we’re all with different people and most of us are married/engaged now). Go to the wedding!!!
Post # 12
Maybe she invited you because she missed you, too? I think you’re reading too much into it. I think most brides invite people they want to see to their wedding, not just out of obligation.
Post # 13
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
You’re overthinking this. I’m surprised that you even think it’s an option that it’s a “token invitiation”. I’ve never heard of doing this, and there’s no way for you to know without asking her. Any invitation I receive, I assume they sent it because they want me there. So, if you want to go, then go.
Post # 14
Dude, if you want to go – GO! Token or not, she wants you there in some capacity. Go and show your support.
Post # 15
I’ve gone to a wedding where I was surprised I was invited, b/c we’re not that close, but we like each other and we catch up when around mutual friends. I wanted to go to a wedding and I wanted FI to experience more weddings, since I knew we would be getting engaged soon. I had fun! (And I get them a financial gift which is common around here). That said, I would be fine if she didn’t go to mine.
We’re going to another one this year where I wouldn’t have batted an eye if I wasn’t invited, but i like the people going so it will be fun.
Post # 16
@smiles4jo: You’re overthinking it. If she didn’t want you there she would have sent an invite to someone she wanted to see more. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true, you’ve been there and understand the stress of putting together/cutting down a guest list, if you got an invite it means your presence is wanted.