(Closed) Have you ever attended a wedding and not given a gift?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Have you ever attended a wedding and not given a gift?
    If I attend a wedding, I always give some sort of gift to the couple : (62 votes)
    60 %
    I've attended at least one wedding where my card wishing the couple many good years was my gift : (13 votes)
    13 %
    I've attended at least one wedding where I came completely empty-handed : (23 votes)
    22 %
    I've never attended a wedding but have a compulsive need to answer polls : (5 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    18646 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I usually try to give something no matter what.  If I didn’t have a lot of money, I would probably try to give something inexpensive.

    Post # 4
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I always give a gift.  But that’s my “love language”, to be cheesy and best-seller-self-helpy. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    877 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If I were invited to a wedding I would give a gift/money/gift card, even if I don’t attend.  Even during my poor grad student days, I would still give something.  However, I don’t expect people to give us gifts for our wedding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I have attended several weddings where I didn’t bring a gift. On some occasions, I brought a card but most of time I didn’t bring a gift because I couldn’t afford one at the time. If I can afford it, I will do my best to buy a gift. Otherwise, I will just send a card.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    One wedding that I went to right after college I was unable to afford a gift so I just gave them a card. I spent about $400 just getting to their wedding…so I just gave them a nice card wishing them well. Other than that every wedding I have given gifts!

    Post # 9
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2008

    @redherring:  Only once did I not give a gift, only a card, and it was a wedding that involved flights, rental car, lodging, etc.  I apologized to the bride and she was so gracious and insistent I NOT get them a gift because I traveled so far, etc.  I still felt guilty about it for awhile as I’ve given gifts for other weddings I traveled to.   I’m the type of person who buys $100+ gifts for couples who say “no gifts” with their invitation as that’s what’s in my heart to do so.  I haven’t been to many weddings so it’s only been just close friends whose weddings I get invited to. THat said, I never knew how rare that was to give a nice gift to those who say “no gifts” and I put “no gifts” on my wedding invitation as we had a lot of out of town guests with travel costs. No way did I want them to also feel they had to spend money on a gift. However. I didn’t necessarily feel that way about our local guests, but there was no dignified way to say travelers no gifts please but local guests can get us such and such.  So I left it as no gifts and stupid as it sounds I was shocked we got, well, almost no gifts from our 100 guests.  And 1/3 gave not even a card!  These are 40’s-50’s mid-career professional  people too.  It was an eyeopener how much I had projected my sense of etiquette on others and I’m still recovering from the shock! I read the other posts about some think an empty card is redundant if you’re going to a wedding – I don’t, but that’s me.  I would have really appreciated an “empty” card with a heartfelt message than nothing at all. Verbal thanks are just too ephemeral especially on such a whirlwind day.     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2476 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I always give a gift… always have, always will. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    240 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    There have been times where I’ve given a gift AFTER the wedding (i’ll always make up for my procrastination by giving a more generous gift!).  But I have always given a gift if I’m invited to a wedding.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    1932 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2008

    I definitely think you should give SOMETHING, even if it’s the $7 oil caddy from target they registered for. And if you REALLY can’t afford anything, fold a piece of paper, make it into a little card by coloring a pleasant picture on the front and give all your love and wishes for the couple… They definitely understand! Many of my friends didn’t give a gift for my wedding, and several didn’t even give me a card and I have to say I was a little hurt because even though I understood that they couldn’t really afford anything, I would have appreciated just an “I love you, wish you the best” etc..

    Post # 14
    Member
    1701 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I may have had to wait do to financial circumstances, but I always give one eventually, even if it is small.

    Post # 15
    Member
    536 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Well my situation might be a little different.  I went to a good friends wedding and didn’t bring anything.  I was young and had no idea about wedding etiquette..I did however give them a gift at the bridal shower.  At the time money was tight and I couldn’t afford two gifts, not to mention I had no idea I was supposed to give a card and money at the actual wedding.  Oops:)

    Post # 16
    Member
    5892 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    i live on the east coast and most of my friends/family are on the west coast, so every wedding i’ve been to has involved minimum of $500 in flights and accomodations alone.  if i can’t afford to do that AND get a gift, i don’t go to the wedding.  i couldn’t imagine not giving a gift.

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