Post # 1
Hope you can help me with an etiquette/bridal shower question.
Last night I was out for coffee with my aunt on my mother’s side. She is the only aunt on that side of the family and asked me if I would like her to throw me a shower for my friends from church and mother’s side of the family. I wasn’t really sure what to say! How do you respond when someone asks you if you would like a shower without sounding completely selfish, or ungrateful?
I don’t want people to feel like they have to come and buy presents, and I certainly don’t want my aunt to feel like she has to throw me a shower just because the other side of my family is!
My response was something like, "oh! umm, well, if it’s something you want to do, that would be nice. But don’t feel like you have to!" Awkward. Now I’m wondering if I should just tell her to not worry about and have her get involved in the shower my father’s side of the family is hosting.
Did any of your friends/family ask you if you wanted a shower? How did you respond?
Post # 3
What a generous offer! Perhaps your Aunt asked because she wants to do it but wanted to check with you first to make sure you are ok with it?
I think your response was perfect. If its still on your mind I dont think there’s anything wrong with calling your aunt to discuss it further. Just explain that you don’t want her to feel obligated and would like to leave the decision in her hands.
Also showers are awkward, I understand that. It’s totally weird to have people throw you a party to buy you things. HOWEVER let me tell you, people WANT to buy you things. Crazy, I know…but it’s tradition and the people you love want to help you start this new exciting phase in your life. Just be gracious and make sure to get your thank you cards out in a timely manner 🙂
Post # 4
Yeah, my aunt offered, and the shower is this Sunday!
She just asked if we were having a shower for that side (my mom’s) of the family, and I said that nothing was planned. She said, "I’d love to throw a shower, if you want."
I took it more of a gesture to celebrate the marriage and also to get my family together, so I accepted gracefully.
People won’t offer unless they want to host one. And I guarantee she doesn’t see you as greedy.
Post # 5
Out of curiosity what is the purpose or meaning behind a shower? I’ve only had a few other friends and family members get married and nobody had a shower, but my mom told me she wants to throw me one. What is the difference between gifts you give at the wedding shower vs. the actual wedding. I know that lingerie is typically given as a gift at the bachelorette party, and gifts given to the couple at their wedding are typically home related gifts, but what about a shower? What is the meaning of wedding showers?
Post # 6
If your concerned about this gifts , why not just say that , maybe if they REALLY want to get you something they can make a donation to your church , or something. I had a lot more fun at my shower then I was expecting. It was really a great chance for some of my family( new and old) and friends to meet before the wedding.
Post # 7
No one offered – our family tradition is to have one shower and to invite all family and female friends. They are fun!
Post # 8
Annie, I think the tradition of the shower is the replacement of the dowry. Back in the day, the bride used to bring a dowry of stuff (a trunk of things) with her to her new home. Now that we aren’t exactly given away in the same sense, it has translated into a shower where women bond and shower you with gifts for you to take to your husband. The gifts at the shower are generally from your registry but are generally more female related, ie lots of cooking stuff!
Latte, I think she was likely testing the waters, do you have time? is it something you want to do etc? A lot of time and effort can go into planning these things if they are so inclined. I would just be honest with her about how you are feeling, and don’t worry they will want to bring you gifts, people will spend what they can afford!
Post # 9
i spoke with my mom and she said that my aunt is SO excited about hostessing this shower for me…so the pressure is off! I just felt terrible telling her I wanted one if she was only offering out of obligation. Now I can help with the guest list and enjoy it!
Post # 10
LatteLove, I’m glad your aunt is excited about throwing your shower!
No one asked me if I wanted a shower. I was more than happy to find that my sister and BM were throwing me a shower. However, my FMIL decided that she was throwing me a shower, and it has become a total fiasco. I wish there was a way to say "thanks but no thanks" but I don’t know how…