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I had a rumor started in high school about me. Two different boys said that I had slept with them and had a "threesome". I was still a virgin and this was completely fabricated. One of the boys's cleaning lady was friends with our cleaning lady and he asked her to relay his apology to me. Well as she was telling me that his cleaning lady said Sorry from him, my mother heard and demanded that I tell her what his apology was all about, so I told her and she told my dad. That next day my dad took me to school and we had a meeting with the school principal and he asked that the two boys be reprimanded because of their libel and slander against me. Needless to say they were suspended for a few days and I received apology letters. The rumor obviously didn't stick because I have such an overprotective father. I love my dad!
In regards to Oprah, I think she does soooo much for and if she did or didn't say that comment it should not portray her in such a negative light. We are human and we make mistakes, and say things that are taken out of context.
we just had a family drama with my 16yr old niece 2 weeks ago and its still ongoing.... :(
she broke up with her first boyfriend because he kept pressuring her to have sex and 2 days after the breakup he started telling his football friends how he had naked photos of her and then a week later his sister was telling everyone that my niece was already having sex with another guy, which is totally untrue as she didnt leave the house except for school for a entire week and her mother drives her to school & picks her up every day so when she had time to do this stuff with a 2nd guy we had no idea. Oh, and not a single person who said they had seen the pics (and one of the uncles had spoken to alot of the boys) kept a copy of it, they were all deleted if you believed those that were asked.
the family drama it caused was huge, on one hand we believe her but on the other hand you know when youre 16 you do stupid things but that doesnt mean you love them any less.
the poor girl even had the ex-bf mother on their doorstep telling my brother (my neices father) that his daughter was a slut (why an adult is involved in kids stuff i dont know btw) and there was the poor girl in her room crying and asking why her father didnt believed her and how she never did these things. BTW, my niece is a GOOD kid, shes not perfect but she doesnt lie or sneek out of the house or drink, really her parents drive her everywhere so she doesnt have time to sneek off.
the women in the family drew wagons around her to be supportive but my brother has been totally stupid over this and one night about 10pm my sister & i had to go over there to settle things down because she was actually afraid of him and my sister removed her from the house. i asked him "why are you prepared to believe total strangers and not your own daughter?"
as i type this i believe my brother has damaged his relationship with his daughter forever, he has behaved badly and has been very unfair, he let her down and it breaks my heart that he has done something she will never forgive him for.
Right after we were engaged, some people started a rumor that my fiance was gay. He's very good-looking, and I guess that the only way that he would be with me (according to them) was if he were using me as his beard. They also spread that he was just marrying me for a green card. (He's German, and has been a legal resident since he was 18). These were people that had never even SPOKEN to my fiance, not to mention didn't know boo about him. He lives and is in school an hour away! One of the girls had seen him with me in passing and via facebook.
I was really, really hurt. They started saying things in class, in front of professors, and I was humiliated. I'm so unbelievably self-conscious, and for people to spread a rumor that I was too unattractive to actually be engaged to my fiance was so, so, so hurtful. Not to mention that it made me appear as if I were an idiot. And totally disrespectful to my fiance, who they knew nothing about! (And is 100% straight).
After the second set of out-loud in-front-of-me comments, I waited a day to get less upset. I talked to friends, family, etc for support. Then I wrote both of the main girls very long emails that calmy detailed why I was upset and my grievances against each. I know that I have no control over others' actions, but I wanted them to know exactly how I felt and how much it hurt.
I thought they were going to fall all over themselves trying to apologize. I am cordial with them, but in no way are they people that I go out of my way to talk to. They have never said another negative word.
Yes, I dealt with it, but the part I hate is that sometimes, when my insecurities are getting the best of me, I wonder if people are looking at us as a couple and assuming that he would never want to be with me. It's just stuck in the back of my mind. :-/
Just once, a very long time ago. It was just before high school, and a girl spread a rumor that a scar on her face was from me attacking her with a broken bottle. (She'd actually slipped on a patch of ice, landed face first and her teeth went through her lip - I remember my mom and I actually took care of her the week after that while she had to eat everything with a straw) It made it really hard to make friends the first couple weeks of high school while everyone thought I was some kind of psycho. But then they started to realize that was something I'd never do, and it just ended up making her look really bad.
I, too, feel sorry for the Oprah situation and I hate when I see people taking part in adding fuel to the fire of rumors. I've been in several situations where the rumors have been about me, and it hurt, A LOT! I'd personally rather not share my experiences, but sometimes some rumors just never go away, no matter how many years have passed and it just sucks. :(
@fifty, I've been hit with the rumor that my fiance is gay as well! It was when we were freshmen in college and had first started dating. One of the things I've always loved about him is how tolerant he is--no pretenses of being "macho" or anything, and really friendly and warm towards everyone, no matter what. Well, he was in a choir and a band, and several of the gay guys in those groups interpreted that as him being in the closet. When we started dating, I got TONS of nasty remarks, including my favorite--"give me ten minutes alone in a room with him and we'll see how straight he is."
Well, yeah. In high school I was the subject of a different rumor every day, it seemed. But that was then, and I've let it go. I really thought that stuff would stop in adulthood but man, was I wrong.
My FI's best friend started a few rumors about me, out of jealousy (which he admitted) but not before it destroyed several of my FI's friendships and wiped out his whole side of the wedding party. Utterly ridonk.
@50 - My FI is accused of being gay all the time too. Can't a good looking guy that gives a crap about his clothes be straight? For real. :/
I've always had a hard time with putting too much into what other people think, but for some reason, the older I get, the less I worry about rumors.
At 18 I was pregnant and placed a baby for adoption. You can only imagine the rumors that came from that. One day, I was at home, having a really bad day. I was crying about something someone said or a rumor that was being spread and my mom came in to talk to me. She said
"Honey, you can't fight rumors and gossip. You just can't. If you try to defend yourself, you look like you're covering. The people who perpetuate the rumors don't deserve your time. Make sure that the people who mean the most know your truth and will defend it. After that, someone else will give them something to talk about soon."
My mom was right - the more I tried to defend myself and my decisions, the more fuel I added. I've tried to stick with mom's advice ever since and it seems to work, but rumors still come and go and it still hurts. My instinct is always to defend myself or others and "set people straight", its just not productive.
@Querida - First off, you are a very brave woman. And secondly, your moms advice is wonderful and spot on. That is so true.
Like many other high schoolers (and above...what is wrong with people?) I was hurt by several rumors. The thing I realized was, the people starting or spreading these rumors were only spreading it amongst themselves. Outsiders knew they werent true, and my circle of friend knew they werent, so I had that to go on. The fact that someone could be SO insecure to try to damage someone elses credibility is kind of sad.
Ah, rumors are so stupid, they make me mad. I've had a few in my hayday.
1) I'm gay. No, i'm not, but don't spread it around if it ain't true. I wasn't super into boys in high school and I was athletic, and my mom (who heard it through the grapevine) sat me down and had this "discussion" with me and she wouldn't believe me when I said the woman on woman porn on the computer wasn't mine (it was my brothers). Apparently something was wrong with me b/c i wasn't into Backstreet Boys. She lamented that she never should have let me play basketball. Sigh.
2) i had a tummy tuck and a boob job. Sorry, no tummy tuck (kinda drastic, no?) and my boobs are all real.
3) Broke up with a bf in high school (he wanted me to have sex with him and i got tired of him asking) and a week later, rumor went around he "tapped that". Right.
4) Not really a rumor but i had lots of people tell me that "of course" DH was cheating on me while he was deployed. Mmhmm. I'm sure. It just irritated the hec
5) when i was a kid, my dad's mom used to say these falsities about me when we'd go shopping--about how i picked out a miniskirt or an inappropriate outfit for my brithday gift. It got blown out of proportion (i was awkward and uncomfortable and always dressed more modestly than anyone) and ended up taking my mom to the mall to show her what i picked out. SHe was livid--it was so obvious my gma was telling everyone i was picking out slutty clothes. My parents got into a huge fight over it and i ended up in the middle as the innocent child. Gma used to say lots of nasty rumors about us to pit my dad against my mom and/or us.
6) Sorority gossip in general. This you kinda HAVE to ignore, considering the sources they came from.
Anybody who knows me knows the real truth about my life.
I dated this real jerk for almost a year when I was in highschool. After we broke up (we went to different schools, and I found out he continuously had a second gf at his school, which my "friends" of course knew but never told me), he told his friends at my school that I had sex with him, etc (all lies). So, when I am innocently talking to my friends, one of his friends comes up and asks me for a blow job since I "do that stuff now." I told him off but burst in to tears. It was awful!
I don't think I've actually been hurt by a rumor, because I tend to not care about people spreading lies. I know it's false, anyone who knows me knows it's false, and anyone who is silly enough to believe such lies? I probably didn't want to associate with them anyway.
That said, my favorites have been:
- I was pregnant. At the time I was quite the virgin, not even having kissed anyone. That'd be kinda cool, but sorry, I'm just fat.
- I caused some sort of crazy happening that ended up with people not being allowed to work in a certain place. Maybe that I stole something, or was engaging in questionable activity behind a shelf? I don't know or remember. I had been gone for three weeks, which is when whatever it was happened.
- I had braces and TB. This is true, yes. Well not really TB, just a positive test. My mom goes on about oh no, don't tell anyone about the positive TB test! Then why is it that I heard about me having TB and braces from a friend that I rarely see or talk to? Oh, wait, because mom told my aunt told my cousin told his gf told my friend.
People where I grew up looooove to spread rumors and cause drama. It's lovely. Everyone knows everyone knows everyone *knows* everyone... So I stay away from most all of them.
My parents moved around a lot, so when I started middle school it was my sixth school and I was going through some hard times from leaving my friends behind again. They were only thirty minutes away, but we were all too young to drive and had busy parents.
My new school was a small Lutheran Pre K - 8th parish school where there was one class per grade with 20 or so students. It was really hard adjusting, but it was made worse when kids started spreading rumors that I had done something to get kicked out of so many schools. It didn't help that I questioned the teacher in science class (okay, she taught that when you flipped the light switch, you knew it'd turn on because of faith in God! Smart ass me went on to explain electricity, and she was not pleased.) Needless to say, I was the new kid so there were lots of rumors that I don't even know. I did end up meeting FI there, though, and kids forget quickly, so I guess it was worth it!
In high school it was usually my friends who were the target of the rumors, although I sometimes got lumped in. They were seen as the partiers/stoners, and often girls blamed them for everything. I remember once at a party a guy came on to one of my friends, and she turned him down only to have his girlfriend march over and slap her. (Yes, she hit back, haha!) Rumors are cruel, and I imagine it's only worse for this coming generation with the internet and texting.
When I was in the process of divorcing, my ex husband began a vicious rumor about me because he was truly embarassed to reveal the reason (his fault) why we were divorcing so he made something up and it was horrible. Nobody who knew me believed it at all, but the gals he flirted with sure did. It was very very hurtful. And 100 percent untrue.
I am sure that every one of us can recall a hurtful rumor about us. Not only that, but I can also recall the inadvertant rumors that I accidentally started in middle school. (You know, when you are fantasizing with your best friend about why the bully is out of school, and all of a sudden it's the rumor of the day... despite the fact that you never meant it to go further than your best friend?)
I don't worry so much about Oprah, who is a consumate professional and more than used to speculation and rumors (poor Steadman, right?)... but I do often worry about friends and family who may get misrepresented here and aren't available to defend themselves. I try to always be careful about what I say on the internet... and if anything, I give extra benefit of the doubt to the other side when I'm discussing an issue I might have. I think it's because of the hurtful rumors that I've experienced or been a part of.
I wasn't one of those very likable queen bee types in middle school or my beginning years of high school. So yes, I got hurt a lot, lots of things were said. I think I grew a thicker skin from that experience. I don't really care really what anyone thinks or says about me now. Unless, you are a really good friend, someone whose opinion I treasure and respect I don't care what you say. I also learned what Querida's mom told her. It does not matter, over compensating for the rumor is a waste of time. So I laugh and move on with my life.
I think the Oprah thing Mr. Bee is refering to on this page has morphed now into a discussion of tipping habits of people and the service industry in general. Or at least that is how I see it. It is a hot topic because lot of people are servers and it is amazing how most people don't know how to tip.
I'm from Memphis originally and it used to infuriate me when people would make jokes or there'd be a rumor about Elvis somewhere. Like he's working in Michigan at a burger joint. He was a great guy, the most famous musician ever, and everybody had something to say about him..usually wrong.
But then again, I guess if you're a celeb, it kinda comes with the territory. Sad but true.
My senior year in high school I was very hurt by a rumor. A month before graduation, we already knew our class ranking. I was valedictorian, one of my best friends was salutatorian, and this girl I had known my whole life (but never really been "friends" with) was ranked 3rd. The girl in 3rd place started a rumor that I was cheating in my government class, which led to the principal suspending me from school pending an investigation. I ended up missing 3 days of school, and I had to defend myself in a special session schoolboard meeting. I was only fully cleared and returned to the post of valedictorian the week before graduation.
It was a really small class (87 people), and a lot of people only heard the rumor that I was kicked out for cheating; they didn't hear the end result of me being cleared by the schoolboard. It was really hurtful to have to explain to my friends and the people I had grown up with that I didn't cheat. In the end, I tried to ignore all the rumors, and I wrote a really nice graduation speech. The sister of the girl who started the rumor came to graduation with a big sign that said "Congrats to (girl's name), the REAL salutatorian." And she boo-ed my speech. It was very hurtful.
Now, it's not as a big of deal to me, but it still upsets my mom. In fact, she just called me last week because she was thinking about all the pain we went through my senior year in high school. I told it's ok and that she can get over it now, but I think moms hold grudges on these types of things more than kids do. :)
I can't remember too many rumors about me once I hit high school. For the most part, I was generally liked and minded my own business and was the "good kid" so I didn't have too many problems (at least none that came to my attention!) Jr high was a mess though! Well, 6th and 7th grade (I moved quite a bit too). Someone, I have no idea who, told a girl that I called her a slut or a whore (she kept switching the story). Not a great big rumor, but when you're new to a school, and have few friends (and a hard time making new ones), it hurts. The girl was a friend of mine and also got on the bus at the same stop as mine and I met most of my friends through her, so they all took her side. Basically I had about 2 friends that year. Luckily I moved again. 6th grade, I got my first "boyfriend" but wee eventually broke up after like two months (we didn't even talk to each other hardly lol. occassionaly wrote notes, and when he wrote a note asking if he should kiss me, I eventually broke up with him. well, a friend did it for me... lol...) but anyway, before he "dated" me, he was "dating" another girl first and he went back out with her after we broke up. A few months later she got really mad at me and wanted to beat me up because she accused her boyfriend of cheating on her with me (SO UNTRUE. I didn't even talk to him lol) Luckily, it also brought out some people I hadn't even known were my friends! Another girl said she'd beat the girl up for me if she tried to do anything lol So, luckily I've escaped most rumors. What circulates about me in my family, I have no idea. My family is full of gossip-y aunts and my grandma
rumors DO suck when they're obviously not true. Really the only one I've ever had spread about me was...my aunt, who is a lesbian but has never really come out to the family...told everyone in the family that it was ME who was a lesbian.
It goes without mentioning that I have nothing against anyone's personal choices as far as their sexual identity goes and have MANY friends who are gay - but my family is pretty back-woods and just downright mean sometimes...(and I can't stand half of them anyways and most aren't even invited to my wedding...) but they all believed my aunt and started saying nasty things about me.
In all honesty i think they all believed her because my mother (out of 7 kids) is the ONLY one of them who A. actually stayed married (37 years now) to her one and only husband and never cheated on him... B. has had both her children got married BEFORE having 3 kids by 4 different guys... C. has had BOTH children graduate college and get great jobs..
I always tell her she was adopted and is NOT part of that family! lol.
Even though I can't stand that side of my family - I'll agree it is irritating to have untrue rumors going around about you...I'm not even sure half of them believe I'm getting married to a man! :D
oh well - I just remind myself I know the truth - I'm better than them and life goes on!
Its also sad that people where using wedding bee to spread it :(.
Yes I am very tender hearted and get hurt when rumors are spread. There is a nasty rumor going around about me and my FI sexual habbits!
I honestly can't think of any rumours spread about me. I'm lucky!
I just think it's terrible how a rumour can destroy someone's life. My mom has a friend whose husband is a teacher. He works at a middle school. Some students started a rumour that he molested them. He was suspended from his job, and was going to be charged. Finally, the girls admitted that they made it all up and he never did anything. It has completely ruined his life. It's scary because it's a subject you want to take so seriously when a child makes an accusation, and it is assumed by most people that children couldn't make up something that terrible.
My high school sweetheart and I, while we were together, was touted as the "perfect" couple by all our friends. When we broke up, our circle of "friends" started talking amongst themselves about what they heard about our breakup. They kept saying to me that somebody told them something very negative about me, but refused to tell me who told them or what the rumour was. Eventually, I bugged one of my "friends" enough that he told me. He said that people were saying that they heard from my ex that he broke up with me because I was a real b*tch, or that he broke up with me because he just couldn't take me anymore.
My ex was not a talker and we were still friends, so he was just as angry to hear the rumours. The most hurtful thing wasn't even the rumours. The most hurtful thing was when I finally dragged the rumour out from my "friend," I asked him if he believed any of it as my friend? He replied with, "All rumours are based on some sliver of truth" and looked away.
@KellyV - Thanks! :) and yup - my mom is pretty awesome. I'm lucky she's one of my best friends.
@carrie and layla- That's such a sucky thing to deal with. Like, I dunno. It's mean to both people!
Just because he doesn't dress like a southern frat boy and is quiet does not make him gay. lol
bellenga - something very similar happened to me when my ex and I separated. It was going around the firm (we work together at a very large law firm, fortunately he's in IT, so we almost never see each other at work) that I had broken up with him because I had been "using" him to get myself through law school, and now that I had the big salary of a lawyer, didn't need him anymore. That couldn't be farther from the truth - I had a decent salary for almost two years before we separated, and the real reason we split up was his emotional/verbal abuse towards me - I had finally screwed up the nerve, after all those years, to do something about it. Still, it really hurt that people could think that about me.
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I feel awful that Oprah has been the subject of an internet rumor that she said something negative about tipping:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/does-anyone-know-where-oprah-said-tipping-10-was-ok-i-cant-find-the-quote
I've done a lot of research on it, and I can't find any evidence that she said anything like this. I feel really bad for Oprah... my research showed that she's been the subject of a whole lot of untrue rumors over the years. :-( I know she's a celebrity so she's learned to have a thick skin, but I wonder if even big celebrities are hurt by stuff like this.
Anyway it got me thinking... Bee has told me many stories about how she's been really hurt by rumors at various points in her life. Here's a story she shared once on the blog:
"When I was younger, I changed high schools when my family moved from LA to the suburbs.
I went on three innocent dates with a boy I met, and somehow the rumor got out that we had slept together. Before I knew it, people were saying that I had had to move from my old school because I had to escape my “reputation”. Other boys even told their friends that they had also slept with me.
In the two years I was there, those rumors never went away even though they weren't true. They didn’t go away until I left for college up north, in the Bay Area."
I also got hit by a rumor recently... I felt so helpless while it was happening. It really made me think about rumors in general. Anyway this all got me thinking... I wonder what most peoples' experience with rumors is like.
Have you ever been hurt by a rumor that wasn't true? What happened, and how did you deal with it?