Post # 1
This is a topic that has some fierce defenders on both sides! Let’s put ettiqute and budgets and all that aside. I want to hear from anyone who’s actually been invited to a wedding without their SO.
Have you been invited to a wedding without your SO? Did it affect your choice to attend? What were the circumstances? In what circumstances are you personally ok with this, and in what circumstances is it not?
Post # 3
@cbgg: Never been invitd to a wedding without DH, but we already have established that we are a unit, so if he were invited but not me or I was invited but not him, we wouldn’t go.
Post # 4
@cbgg: I was invited to a wedding in the Fall that didn’t include my husband. It was an old friend from university so I wasn’t really surprised. He had never met her plus she was having a smaller wedding so we weren’t offended in any way.
I had to edit…no it didn’t change my choice to go or not o given the circumstances. Now if it was someone who we both knew and had met before then it would effect my choice.
Post # 5
Nope. If I were, it would effect my choice but it would depend on who the person was that was getting married (if SO didn’t really know the person or something). I would be offended if it was a family member or mutual friend of ours getting married and did not invite my SO.
Post # 6
@cbgg: Nope. And I’ve posted about how my friend’s wedding was just parents, brothers and me… and my then-boyfriend of 9 months. She was by no means obligated to invite him, but knew that we were serious so she did. I can’t imagine someone inviting only me to a wedding now that we’re engaged, much less after we’re married.
Post # 7
I’ve never been to a wedding where someone of age wasn’t allowed to bring a date. It would effect my decision of whether or not to attend. After all, is there really much of a difference between a couple who has been together for five years without a marriage certificate and a couple who has been together for five years with a marriage certificate?
Post # 8
@mrsalexander: I had a similar situation.
I was invited to a university friend’s wedding without my SO of many years. We are sort of medium-close friends so I was happy to be invited at all, but a little taken aback when I saw that the invite was for one. But it was local and I knew a ton of people who were going so it wasn’t a big deal. I was happy to make the cut at all and spent the night catching up with old friends, which was easier without my DH there who would have only known a few of them.
In that case for me it wasn’t a big deal. So while I generally think it’s not so nice to split up couples and wouldn’t do it myself, I wont automatically decline the invite because of it.
I think context matters.
Post # 9
Yup, once and I had to travel to Detroit for it. I went, it wasn’t an issue and I dont take offense to be invited to events without DH. That friend was later invited to my wedding with her husband. She came To NY without him.
Post # 10
@Trilly: “After all, is there really much of a difference between a couple who has been together for five years without a marriage certificate and a couple who has been together for five years with a marriage certificate?”
Preach. Don’t even get me started on the married/engaged/living together definition that excludes long term couples who are not cohabitating. So my 6 year relationship means nothing because we haven’t shacked up? That makes me irrate.
Post # 12
Yes. It was a girl I grew up with, and there was 2 tables that sat 20, and only one couple (because two of our neighbors grew up and married each other). It was so much fun! We hadn’t been able to all see each other or hang out, no babies no spouses to babysit. It was local and DH(at the time SO) was out of town, he’d only met the bride a handful of times so he didn’t want to go.
I was also at my cousins wedding, the groom. My younger brother and I were both invited without a +1 (both of us were living with our SO’s also), we both went and had fun. It was a night out of my life, and if i didn’t want to go I wouldn’t have.
ETA: My younger brother and I were both with our SO’s for 4years or so, and we both got engaged and neither of us married those people.
Post # 13
I was once accidentally left off an invitation to a wedding that my husband was invited to. When he asked the groom (his friend) about the exclusion, it turned out to just be an oversight. Apparently they knew I kept my last name, and they wanted to double check it to get it right on the invitation. Then they derped and sent them out before double-checking.
Sometimes it’s just a silly mistake like that, so it’s always good to inquire before you decline an invitation!
Post # 14
I am actually invited to someone’s wedding and the invitation was only addressed to me.
I am not sure the bride is a staunch follower of ettiquette and to be honest the only reason I know half of the stuff I know is from the bee. So, I don’t know if she intentionally only invited me. I am still undecided about going.
Post # 15
So the +1’s you get to attend a wedding (other than the married/engaged) is to prove how serious your relationship is to the world?
Post # 16
Have you been invited to a wedding without your SO? Yes
Did it effect (sic) your choice to attend? It didn’t affect my choice to attend, but the effect was that I spent much of the night taking pictures to MMS him. Some people thought it was rude, but I just couldn’t imagine not sharing the experience with him, especially since I was seated at a table of mostly couples and my siblings.
What were the circumstances? My cousin (C) and her FI got married in NYC, where they met and have their life together, though they are both from LA. They chose NYC because they wanted a more intimate wedding so forcing family to travel really cut the numbers.
They also didn’t meet my now-FI until after they finalized the guest list.
In what circumstances are you personally ok with this, and in what circumstances is it not? I’m ok with it in this context, though I’m not ok with the expectation of an unplugged wedding when that wasn’t set.
I was also irritated to see that C’s sister’s boyfriend got invited, when it was only family and close friends. However, now that we’re doing the same for our wedding, so my sister’s boyfriend is getting invited (FI and I have even hosted his dad one night, for some unexpected business in SF) as we consider him family / close friend, but C’s sister is the only one getting an invite to ours, as we’re inviting only family + close friends. i.e. I can better empathize.
If C’s sister declines, I understand and won’t be upset about it. I also understand if C’s sister gets annoyed that my sister’s BF gets invited, but tough cookies – we have precedent of how to handle this situation, which was set by her sister.
I’m anticipating more of a ruckus tied to 2nd cousins / children not being included.