Post # 1
Well not completely…but a few times now while in the heat of the moment I’ve said something to the effect of i’m not sure about this, or then lets just call it off.
While it hurt his feelings…I guess it had been buliding up that I was having some doubts. i tried to bring it up in a normal conversation but it wasn’t getting through to him and he got devensive and acted like a jerk which made me even more frustrated.
Should i have kept this to myself or should i be worried that he didn’t seem to care about my doubts?
My mom tells me I have found my father….when I asked her if she ever regretted marrying my dad she said she didn’t know how to answer and say “yea maybe…sometimes”. This was not very settling. Help!
Post # 3
I don’t bluff. And I don’t play passive agressive. So, I don’t fight that way.
I would say you need to look at WHY you said those things… Why you are having doubts.. what are they? And then also try to figure out a better way to communicate.
Post # 4
no,in dramatic moments i might think of it…more as a dramatic sentence in my head than actual intention.but i dont say it,because i know that i dont mean it and i wouldnt tolerate him saying it. by this i mean, marriage is a life long committment, and if he said it to me ever id tell him to take a step back and work what what he wants,as the next time he said it id walk. marriage is tough at times as are all relationships, and if its used casually in arguments then what will happen at the first signs ofreal trouble
words are powerful. fi and i have agreed never to say stuff like that, curse af each other or use derogogatory words,no matter how angry we get!!
edit im engaged but not married.which is why i said i might walk if he didnt seem sure
Post # 5
Nope. Never did calling the wedding off even cross my mind. If you are having even a little bit of doubt I would talk with your FI and perhaps some pre marriage counciling
Post # 6
@ChiStacy: i’ve said things like that because i’m sensitive and in moments of anger and sadness, my reaction is to hurt the person who has hurt me… but worse. it’s immature of me and i’m working on it. it’s an awful thing to sa and i’ve NEVER meant it. i always regret anything terrible i’ve said (…that’s a lot of things haha) once i calm down.
but it sounds like you have actual doubts. i think you need to figure out what they are and why you have them… and if you should take them seriously enough to seek counseling, or even leave.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
No, sorry. Sometimes (infrequently) I am so mad and I really hate him in the moment… but I always still know that I love him 100%. But not all relationships are this way – if you have legitimate doubts that surface frequently, you shouldn’t overook em.
Post # 8
My fiance said that to me about 4 times after he proposed, a surprise proposal nonetheless. It is one of the most terrible things to say, making someone walk on eggshells is just downright mean. Not that I’m judging you, just telling you how it feels to hear that. Say what you mean, what is really bothering you.
Post # 9
I used to be the girl who would break up with guys when I was mad at them but not mean it. I was even like that with FI before he became FI. Now that we’re engaged I’ve really had to control my anger because I know if those words come out of my mouth there’s no going back. I have thought it, I have had moments when I’m absolutely livid with him but never said it out loud… not saying it has actually made communication between us better.
Post # 10
My FI has once or twice said something along the lines of “well if it’s like that, it obviously isn’t going to work out between us” or similar. We were fighting over some stupid thing the other day and he said something like that and after a moment, I responded, “well, if you think that, you need to make that decision, and if you don’t, you really need to not say sh*t like that”. Because I understand being upset, and I’ve been at the point where I don’t know if we should be together forever due to different/incompatible views on major things, but… really, I feel if you are SERIOUSLY thinking you should leave, don’t threaten it. If you’re to that point, you need to leave. If you’re not, don’t say that. It undercuts the trust in a relationship.
Post # 11
I’ve never said it. I have been so mad I’ve thrown a plate of bacon at his head, but never ever did the thought cross my mind to call it off…
You can’t take something like that back and really need to not say it… one day he may take you up on it if he feels that’s what you really want since you’ve said it a couple times…
Post # 12
Not in any seriousness.
I’ve been so frustrated before that it got to the point he would say something really ricidulous and I’d just throw my hands up in the air and say, extremely sarcastically, “Well maybe we just shouldn’t get married then!”
Not in an I’m-seriously-thinking-this-is-a-bad-idea kind of way, but it’s more like a… ‘you-are-being-so-dramatic-that-I’m-going-to-say-something-equally-ridiculous-to-put-this-in-perspective-for-you’ kind of way.
Generally when I make a flippant statement like that, he tends to step back and go… “Yeah, you’re right, maybe this isn’t that big a deal. In the great scheme of things, I guess it’s not that important.”
We both know that neither of us would actually leave, or even really threaten to leave.
Post # 13
Nope never. We never use our relationship as a bargaining chip, and have agreed that if we ever say it we will really really mean it.
Now, did I ever get so mad during planning that I threatened to cancel the whole thing? Absolutely. But we’d have still gotten married, just eloped.