Have you ever brought an uninvited guest to a wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I was the uninvited guest of my mother when I was 23, and planning my own wedding. My mom swore the bride would be happy to have me there, and that she’d brought me up, so I was mortified when I walked in, and it was a tiny ceremony with 30 guests, and every seat (at the ceremony) had a place card. I tried my best to blend in to the walls, and the bride was super gracious and made me feel invited even though I definitely wasn’t. There were a couple of uninvited guests at my own wedding (pretty much children of parents I’d invited), but with 180 people there, 2 or 3 extra didn’t really stand out to me that much. The bigger problem was that my mom unofficially invited people without telling me. I smiled, hugged them all, and told them how happy I was to see them. It all turned out!

 

 

 

Post # 4
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Never. My mother was very insistent that we learn the social graces at a young age.

Post # 5
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Xu:  i was unknowingly the uninvited guest once.  My FI is totally clueless about etiquette, so he wrote my name in on the reply card, even though he was NOT invited with a guest.  He just assumed I was invited, and I didnt think to ask if he had been invited with a guest or not.  The bride ended up handling it very well, but I am so embarrassed that I went to the wedding not knowing until AFTER that I was not  invited.  We had to squeeze an extra chair into our table! I am mortified to this day about it!

 

Post # 6
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Xu:  the year after my mission our supervisor got married. Both bride and groom were supervisors so there was no way they could invite all their teams to the wedding. A few if my teammates and I went anyway. We went to the ceremony, went out to dinner together and then crashed the reception once their dinner was over. They seemed happy to see us and we stayed and cleaned the hall after. I would totally never do that again but at 21 I thought it was fun. 

Post # 7
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Xu:  Oh yea, it happens all the time in my family. It’s expected. If it’s a family function, I’ll bring a friend. If it’s a friend’s event, though, I generally won’t as it’s not the norm in their culture. With my family, there’s always a dance, so I’ll bring my own dance partner. No one really cares because, like I said, it’s super common. It’s also very rare in my family to have a seated dinner, so there’s always plenty of food and because everyone’s dancing, having enough chairs is also a non-issue. 

Post # 8
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We had an uninvited guest at our wedding. I had a close girlfriend from out of state come to our wedding and she brought a friend of hers with her to make it a mini vacation. They asked me if she (friend’s friend) could come to the wedding a few days before. I told them that I didn’t have enough chairs becuase we had submitted our final order. She showed up anyways, and oddly enough we had 1 no show, so it all worked itself out in the end. Still super awkward to see her there. Keep in mind this out of state close friend knew and is friends with about 15-20 people at our wedding, so it wasn’t like she was going to be alone for the evening. I just felt put off by the fact that they treated it like a house party instead of a wedding.

Post # 9
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

There was only one time I brought a date.. and I was underage at the time. I honestly have no idea if he was invited or not.. but there was a seat at the table for him so I assume he was.

Post # 10
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee

I TRIED to do it. My long-term, live-in boyfriend was not invited to a friend’s wedding. Other’s had dates and SOs there. The bride simply didn’t like my boyfriend. I even offered to pay for his plate, which I know now is a big no-no, and she said no. She simply didn’t want him there. I went to the wedding, but have no communication from her since then. Oh well …

Post # 11
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Xu:  NOOOOOO!!! That is so beyond rude!!!

Post # 12
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Never, that is rude.

Post # 13
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

FIL was the pastor of our church until the end of the summer. A young couple form church was getting married, and invited all of DHs family, including him on the invitation even though he didnt live at home. MIL called and told them that there was no way DH would go without me (it was 2 months before our wedding) and so I was kind of invited. When we got to the reception, there was a place for me, but not one for DH. THere was however one for his aunt, who had said multiple times she couldn`t come, at another table. That whole thing was very awkward.

Post # 14
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I went to a wedding last summer but my husband decided on the day of that he didn’t want to go. Rather than let his meal go to waste, I brought a friend instead. No one even noticed.

Post # 15
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Xu:  I didn’t have any uninvited guests at my own wedding. However, when I was 16, one of my mom’s relatives (not someone super close to us until around that time) invited my parent’s to her son’s wedding. My dad couldn’t go, so she said it was fine if I went in his place. So, my mom and I, along with another relative who was invited by the MOG showed up, and it turns out we were TOTALLY not invited. As in, there weren’t even enough chairs.

It was worked out and no one ever said anything to us about it, but oh man, my mom was embarrassed (I didn’t fully comprehend that we weren’t invited at the time… I just thought they ran out of chairs or something).

Post # 16
Member
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Xu:  Yes. I was 21 or 22 (maybe even 20!) and had no knowledge of etiquette. A family friend invited my parents, brother, and me so 4 people. My brother couldn’t make it so I asked/insisted if my bf at the time could come. I don’t think the hosts were too enthusiastic about it, but I did it anyway. Very stupid idea on my part. Not only were the hosts not too pleased (they didn’t show it, but I could tell plus the wedding was VERY low-budget), but my then bf (now ex) felt out of place as he is Jewish so couldn’t eat any of the food (pork meatballs, etc.). Now  I pay attention to invites and know not to “substitute” guests.

 

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