Post # 1
I am curious. I have cheated in a past relationship (not with my current partner) and truly learned from it. I obviously don’t believe the mantra ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’. I’m curious how many bees have…and if you did cheat, did you learn from it?
Post # 4
a decade ago when I was in college and a totally different person. I find it really frustrating when people use that quote blindly.
Yes, I think if your boyfriend cheated on his wife with you, you are not going to land a different fate than her.
No, I don’t think cheating in your past always means you should wear a scarlet letter forever. For some people it’s a lot more about what that partner wasn’t providing you (and hence the relationship destructs anyway)….
ETA: What I learned was that you can either be a person who hurts people, or you can be a person who does everything they can NOT to. Having experienced close relationships with people who make selfish decisions, I learned I didn’t want to be like that or treat others that way. Also, I learned that it caused me a tremendous amount of pain, which is never talked about because of how selfish it is….
Post # 5
@Skittles131: I was gunna say nope, not me!
I broke up with my then BF the night I met FI. FI and I met again a month later while I was still torn over now-ex-bf. We then started talking, while I was still not wanting to let go of ex-bf (first boy smitten with ME) and eventually FI asked me out out of the blue (total 6 weeks after last relationship ended) I said yes of course, I loved his company and unlike ex-bf (who almost made me cringe) I WANTED to spend time with him.
But there was a few weeks after we got together that I was still unsure to a degree, because I knew ex was totally smitten with me and I was afraid if I let that go, now-FI would end up not wanting me, leaving me, and I would be left alone forever (totally drama queen I know, but I was that lonely girl)
So I “toyed” with ex bf, made him think I was still somewhat available because I didn’t want to dive into the unknown. I think that counts as emotional cheating? Though to be honest, I don’t feel like it really was.
Post # 6
@Skittles131: I wouldn’t say I’ve had an emotional affair or anything, but I certainly had some inappropriate emotional connections outside of my first relationship. It was high school, we started dating in middle school and stayed together until the end of our freshman year in college. Wasn’t a healthy relationship, I was super insecure and horrible and got excited about the prospect that other guys were interested in me because I was so insecure. I’m 100% not proud of any of it and would never dream of acting the same way in my current relationship. Although I’m not too far removed from the end of my first relationship, this one is a lot more mature, and I understand how wrong it was of me to act that way in the past.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
Not when I have ever been in a relationship.
My SO and I had an ’emotional affair’ of sorts as he was in a relationship when we met. We started talking all the time as friends and were met by the dilemma of having very real, very fast feelings. He ended his relationship a month later (a couple weeks after we admitted our feelings). His relationship was on the demise as they were going different directions, but he was still in love with her so it took a bit to admit to himself that our developing love was much different and worth ending his relationship over.
Nothing ever happened between us until after they broke up – a couple days before their actual break-up (they had started the ‘this isn’t working conversation’ the night before and she went away to her parents) we spent an entire night talking about our situation. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but we didn’t and I am so proud of us for never doing anything. It has been foundational for our trust and respect for one another.
We actually hung out 3 times after their break-up before ever kissing… and let me tell you… it was the best first kiss ever.
Post # 8
Nope. Never. I couldn’t do it.
Post # 9
I’ve never cheated. I was cheated on twice by previous boyfriend. I don’t think I’m capable of it, knowing how it made me feel. It also doesn’t hurt that I find it really impossible to tell when someone is flirting with me, I’m totally clueless. Unless a guy outright says to me “Do you want to go out with me?” or “Do you want to sleep with me?” I have no idea that guys are interested in me. My FI and I were at a wedding a couple of months ago, and I guess some guys were hitting on me, but I thought they were just being friendly and wanted to chat! FI just let me chat with them because he knew that they would never get anywhere with me, and then after he explained to me that they were flirting. I was surprised, lol.
Post # 11
I have emotionally, I guess. One of my ex boyfriends just suddenly disappeared from my life. We were in a long distance relationship and we had a really bad storm where we lost power for a week, so I had no way to contact him. Once our power came back and I tried to call him, his phone was disconnected. He didnt have a myspace or facebook either, so I literally had no way of contacting him. I never really got over him.
Then about 2 years later I get a request on facebook by a profile with his name. No pictures or anything. I accepted it and waited for him to say something to me. Turns out he created a facebook just for the intent on searching for me. He sent me a very long message explaining to me what happened. Him and his room mate had got in a huge fight and he left, which made money tight, so he got his phone turned off. By the time he had money to turn it back on, he thought I wouldnt want to talk to him anymore.
But now he was in a relationship and they were talking about getting married, but he couldnt stop thinking about me and wanted to reach out to me to I guess make sure that he should move on with his life. He was getting engaged, I was in a relationship and I never should have wrote back, but I did. I cant say I fell back in love with him, because truthfally I never stopped.
Those were some painful, but also happy weeks. I was so happy to finally hear back from him, to know what happened. I was happy to hear he was doing good and he still thought of me as much as I thought of him. But I was so sad, why NOW? Why now that we’re both moving on and I’m finally happy with someone else did he have to contact me? It just wasnt fair.
Finally I knew I had to make a decision, so I sent him a final good bye email. I do still think about him, but its more of in a “I hope he’s doing good and is happy” way than an “I miss him so much” way.
Post # 12
@Skittles131: same, cheated almost 10 years ago. I never told him and never will. I learned my lesson and IMO it’s my cross to bear. However, I actually do think that a lot of the time the old “once a cheater” is true. it became a common phrase for a reason!
Post # 13
Nope, never. I can see why/how people do it when they are younger, or in very exceptional circumstances. But I have seen how much it can tear the other person up when someone cheats on them in a supposedly committed relationship, and I swore from then that I would never cheat.
Post # 14
It was a guy who I was seeing but wasnt his girlfriend (though that was were it was heading and we were monogamous – he was more into me) now SO told me he loved me and we ended up having sex.
Never told the guy I was seeing I just ended it. Work out well though.
I didnt really see it as cheating though
Post # 15
@Skittles131: I would never do something like that. If I couldn’t work it out with my partner and wanted to leave so bad I was cheating, it would be time to actually leave and not have my cake and eat it too. I think open communication would deter a lot of cheating.
Post # 16
I would say it depends on what you consider emotional cheating. I have never physically cheated on someone before, but I have completely stopped caring about the person I was dating (I’d break up with them about a week or two later). In fact, I’d tell my friends that I hope X would cheat on me so I wouldn’t have to make up an excuse to break up with him. Not sure if that constitutes emotional cheating or not though.