Post # 1
I have a “friend” who I decided not to invite to my wedding. She causes drama in every situation and there is a long history with her that I could go through about why she is a terrible friend, but that’s not really my point. I have made up my mind that I don’t want her at my wedding or in my life. We don’t communicate regularly (she lives out of state now) but I did attend her wedding earlier this year and she has sent occasional texts/emails saying, “Can’t wait for the wedding!” or “How is wedding planning going?” to which I have not responded. Obviously, she is going to figure it out when she doesn’t get an invitation.
So my question is, if you cut someone out of your life, did you simply stop talking to the person? Did you give them an explanation of why you would no longer be affilitating with them? It seems a little uncomfortable if she contacts me and asks me why she isn’t invited to the wedding for me to flat out say, I don’t want to be friends with you. At the same time, I don’t want to lie and say it’s because of another reason because I have no intention of continuing the friendship.
Post # 3
@jennygrl070: Yes, I have. We have cut both family and friends out of our lives. Whether or not you should tell them or just let the relationship come to a natural close is entirely up to you and what kind of person you are. If they cry and beg you to keep talking to them, are you going to hold true to what you want to do or give in?
I didn’t want any misunderstandings, so I told the people directly that our relationship was done. I am strong enough to stick to what I want regardless of what they say or do. If you think you could end up relenting to pressure, then end it via email or just ignore them. Whatever works for you is what you need to do. I can honestly say that my life is so much better now. I spend time with people I actually want to be with and there is no better feeling.
Post # 4
my aunt and grandmother.
she moved in while i was living with my grandmother. she made my life hell. she did many things that are unforgiveable. when i confronted my grandmother about all the stuff being done to me, my grandma took her side because, and i quote “she’s my daughter”.
when i moved to an apartment with my FH (now DH), I did not give them my new address. After I changed my cell phone, I didn’t give them my new phone number. I keep denying facebook friend requests. I only see them at major functions like funerals and weddings.
Post # 5
I have and I explained why in an email. I had a friend who was super judgemental of me, and was always putting me down. I made sure I wrote it in a kind way, because even though I no longer wanted to be friends with this person I didn’t want to cause drama myself. I basically said something along the lines of ” we’ve grown apart, and even though it’s probably not your intention you’re negativly affecting my life” it was hard for me to do, but I fell a million times better now!
Post # 6
Thank you for your feedback. To give a little more information, this person and I do not communicate regularly, so I think a natural close to the relationship is possible. I completely agree with you, at our marriage classes the priest talked about how you have to consider if the people in your life are a “plus” or a “minus” to you. I realized a few people just suck energy from me and add nothing joyous to my life. I have no intention of going back on my decision with this person, but there was no *huge* falling out that occurred. If she contacts me and asks why she wasn’t invited, I may just say, we only wanted really intimate friends and family at our wedding. That may sound mean but I feel like it would get the point across.
Post # 7
In April I cut three of my “close” girlfriends from my life. There were a LOT of reasons for this; they were one sided friendships, the girls were selfish and only cared about themselves. They were never there for me when shit hit the fan in my life, I’d always have to go out of my way to catch up with them. Three of our birthdays were within a week of each other and the other two always had joint parties and my birthday was an after thought, to the point where last year they told me they were having their party on the 3rd of the month and I could “join in too, I spose”, when my birthday is on the 4th, the next day! When I told them I had made plans with my bf and family, they got mad at ME for not inviting them along. Every other year I’d invite them to something for my birthday and they would always say they’d come if they “weren’t too hungover”, wtf?! Anyway the straw that broke the camels back was when I suggested getting together for a day out to celebrate one of the girls engagements and then logged onto Facebook one weekend to see that the three of them had organised my suggestion and gone without me. I texted each of them and said I was done with our one sided friendships. Two of them claimed to be heartbroken and blah blah blah, but it’s been months and I’ve not heard a peep from any of them. Life’s too short to carry on with fake friends. Spend time with those worth spending time with :).
Post # 8
I have and I was upfront and told themI exactly how I felt. I figured if I didn’t care if they were in my life or not why would I hold back and worry about their feelings. satiatedHowe I felt andof course they tried to cause drama but I was mentally prepared to just end it right there and was able to walk away from the friendship.
Post # 9
@jennygrl070: I have, I just stopped talk to my “best friend” point blank, I just couldn’t take her shit anymore. So I didnt engage with her at all. Eventually it lead to an angry text from her saying that I’m such a horrible person because “I didn’t reach out to her when her grandfather died” ..I had no idea he died.
Again I didn’t respond to that, and that was it. I feel bad he died, but previous to that I hadn’t talked to her in about three or four months.
I say, since she lives out of state, just ignore her. Its not like you’ll bump into her when you go shopping or to the mall or something
Post # 10
I guess… I don’t know, I would be extremely pissed if you attended my wedding, ate the food, and I regularly contacted you excited about your wedding & then you tell me that I am drama?
I get why people cut people out of their lives if they are toxic. I just find this extremely rude OP and sort of dramatic itself. Had her wedding been years ago, that’s one thing, but this year? Unless some sort of HUGE blowout has happened since then (because from the sounds of the OP, she has been supportive of your wedding) this is going to be a slap in the face.
Post # 11
@deetroitwhat: Thanks, but I wasn’t asking for advice on whether or not I should invite her to the wedding. It’s not really relevant to my question, but she invited us to her wedding, we travelled eight hours to be there and got her a nice gift, and when we arrived, we discovered that she had not included place cards for us or a place to sit. While all of the other guests sat for the ceremony and dinner, we had to stand which was uncomfortable and awkward. But I understand, this may have been out of her control. I discreetly asked one of the aunts and one of the employees of the establishment if they could help us locate some extra chairs so we could at least sit, and nobody was willing to help. I introduced myself to her new husband when they were doing rounds and saying hello to people. I congratulated him and told him how happy I was to meet him. He responded with…”Uhh, okay.” He was very rude. We discreetly left after they cut the cake. She completely lashed out and sent me a nasty text message the next day saying she couldn’t believe we had the nerve to leave early. We didn’t even have anywhere to sit or set our belongings while *all* of the other guests did. I guess she just forgot about us, which okay, I can get over, but then to cause drama over it was just plain ridiciulous. This is just typical behavior for her.
Also, I do not feel that just because somebody invites you to their wedding that they are required to be invited to your wedding as well.
Post # 12
I just stopped talking to/seeing them. I don’t feel that they deserved an explanation, they knew what they had done.
Post # 13
@jennygrl070: And I didn’t say you should invite her to the wedding. From the OP I was more concerned that the way you’re going about this would make YOU look bad — not her. So thanks for the follow up.
That being said, I think the silent treatment is kind of .. you know, what kids do. It won’t accomplish anything. Text her and be like sorry, you were a giant asshole to me at your wedding and I don’t have any interest in continuing our friendship. Wish you the best of luck in the future.
If she’s that big of an asshole, she had to know that it was coming sooner or later, a person can only take so much.
Post # 14
My friends make fun of me b/c if I feel someone is toxic I quickly drop them like a bad habit – and I do it quick and painless by just no longer speaking to them. They get the point after that.
Post # 15
I see your point. The other thing is, she totally ignored me once she moved out of state unless she needed something. That’s her style. She will only call you up if she has a problem or needs something from you. I wouldn’t end the friendship over just the awkwardness at her wedding, but the friendship has kind of dissolved on its own over the past couple years since she moved out of state (which has made my life far more peaceful). Now that we have had to trim the guest list, I have just realized that there are people I want there way more than her. So not much will be changing – we already don’t really talk – but I won’t be inviting her to the wedding which I guess may come as a bit of a suprise to her.
Post # 16
@deetroitwhat: yea….I gotta +1 that
OP it’s up to you but it’s not unreasonable to actually talk to the friend and tell her it’s over for those reasons. Because ignoring texts, in this situation, kind of makes you look like the lesser person – not the bigger one. But if you just want it over and done with (which is reasonable) then you have every right to end it how you see fit.
Personally – I would just feel better ending it on a note where I was telling the friend WHY they were being cut out