I did it with my father. Situations vary but I will let you know the jist.
I was the epitome of a Daddy’s girl. My parents were seperated before I was born but I loved my ‘Daddy’ more than anything. On his weekends I would spend the whole time attached to him – I would hold his hand everywhere – I would follow him through the house. He took us to the park, played video games with us, and we always had sooo much fun.
He had his share of wives and we got to experience more then a few evil step mothers. But we still went over and gladly looked forward to to moments we would get to spend with him. Then, as time passed we became less important to him and other things became more fun and interesting for him…
When I turned 15 a situation was introduced into my life. I told my father in no uncertain terms that I needed his help. I needed him to make sure I was not left alone. He didn’t listen – he stranded me and I was hurt very badly becuase of it.
I never went back. I was young so this decision could have been a little premature at the time but I didn’t feel safe there and I knew I couldn’t trust him to watch out for me – regardless of how little effort it would have required. I couldn’t put myself in the situation to get hurt again.
As the years passed he never called. He never apologized, he never even asked my mother about my welfare. My brother would slightly socialize with him – but nothing serious and still he never asked about me.
When I turned 20 I decided that if after 5 years – if he wasn’t able to man up and try to work on the situation then I didn’t need him in my life. He continued to make bad and then worse life choices and I ended up content with my decision. Recently, his mother, my grandmother (whom I was still in contact with) passed away – his family paid his bail so he could attend the funeral. It twas the first time I had seen him in person in 15 years and he didn’t even come over to say hi. Most people would be sad – or upset but I was barely impacted and if I was is was a slight relief.
I don’t feel bad. I don’t get upset about it. Cutting him out allows me to say ‘he is not my dad’ and I don’t have to deal with the emotional stress that he puts on everyone else who has remained in his life. I don’t need that. I don’t need to feel like I responsible for him or that his actions should impact me either emotionally or otherwise.
I guess what I am saying is that I cut him off. His drama literally goes in ear and out the other when reported. I am able to move forward in life and I don’t have to worry about him or if he will hurt me again.
I should also note that I was blessed with a stepdad at the age of six. He has been my Dad when I needed one. He taught me baseball, how to climb trees and he was my chaperone on field trips and at dances. He was there when he found about the issue when I was 15 and I decided that if my father wasn’t willing to be my Dad – then this man surely had stepped up to the plate and actually deserved the title. He will walk me down the aisle and he will hold my children when they are born. That other guy is barely a memory anymore.
Even though I have this other guy who did step up to me my ‘Dad’ – I think regardless of whether or not I had someone to (somewhat) fill that role – that I would have still continued to cut him out – and still been just as content. HE made the choices and HE has made it a point that he is not going to be responsible to be a part of my family and my life.
I am sorry you are going through this but I wanted to share my story – whether is parallels or not – I think it helps to know that you can cut out a family member if they are not willing to take up the responsibility required to fulfill their role. You don’t need to feel the stress and you don’t have to deal with the drama. Do what you feel is right – but don’t let this man be a weight on your life and on your shoulders forever. His is not your weight to bear.