(Closed) Have you ever felt this guilty before?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m going through the same thing right now! Omg.. I actually just ended my period yesterday and all day yesterday and today I have been so mean to my fi.. I also feel down, depressed and want to cry about everything. I don’t know why!

Post # 4
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you seriously have issues with PMS you might want to look into medication to help with that time of the month.  I have had friends that had very similar issues around that time of the month and have had luck switching up birth control or taking meds for PMDD.

That being said I think I would be hurt too if my husband told me he wants our kids to look like his side of the family,  I think it is just a weird thing to say.

I hope you feel more like yourself soon!

Post # 5
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

@al1988: I can totally relate because I’m the same way. After 9 1/2 years my SO knows me so he either doesn’t take me too seriously or he’ll take our son and do something away from home (and me). I get really irritable and sensitive. I’ll cry over any little thing. lol I appreciate that he gets me now because it caused a lot of problems in the beginning of our relationship.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the comment he made. I’m sure you’re not ugly, at least not to him (I don’t know what you look like so I can’t say) because if he wasn’t attracted to you he wouldn’t be marrying you. I would rather my kids looked like my family too. SO family isn’t ugly but I just want to pass along MY GENES. Our son looks like a clone of SO, his dad, his grandpa, and all the other male’s in his family. I want my genes representing too. ha ha

Post # 6
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

It happens!

I would go wild woman crazy on occasion during PMS-everything was magnified with lots of crying and irrational thoughts. My FI could look at me with his head tilted and it automatically means I am fat or there is something worng iwht me 😉

I’m sure your loved ones know about how you roll by now and they love you no matter what! Its only temporary!

You can also put a disclaimer out like: Hey it my time of the month, please excuse my madness! Anything you say or do can be used against you 😉

Post # 7
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ok, three things…

First of all, since you’re aware of a general problem, the best thing to do is to try and find a way to fix it. If you can recognize your triggers, try to hear yourself off – count to ten, avoid certain topics, step away from the phone, etc. It’s not easy and it takes practice. But it’s easy to snap under stress.

Second of all, if you’re on a hormone contraceptive (like the pill) consider adjusting it. I don’t mean to be offensive going the “hormonal” route – this is actually from experience. I spent about two years on a pill and had pretty bad depression swings each month. I had no idea until I, by chance, changed my pill, and suddenly realized I was not having that swing. It was like waking up. When I talked to my doc, she was like “Oh.. yeah, that can happen.” Lovely.

Last, but just as important… um… why would he say something like “I hope our kids have my family’s looks”? Honestly, I’d get pissed too, not PMSing.

Post # 8
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Its hard to tell how he meant tha comment even as a joke. Sometimes people say things that would normally be mean, but said in such an obviously joking, I dont mean this sort of way, that its not mean. But I can see being a little upset by that.

You have had a lot of good advice about trying to adjust for your mood swings

PMS is a reason for having mood swings, but not an excuse. I feel like if a female came on here saying herfiance was really mean to them a few days a month due to XYZ most people would say that it was not OK, that they need to be treated with respect and the fiance needs to find a way to deal with the problem.  Its not OK to just brush off being mean no matter the reason and, even worse, to expect it.

The solution may be as simple as  you recognizing that day will be one of “those days” and letting your fiance know ahead of time so he calls up some buddies to go to dinner and drinks after work to give you some space to watch movies and do what you want. Whatever the solution, I do think its something that needs to be addressed.

Post # 11
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would get mad too

Post # 12
Member
46137 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you know you get emotional when you are PMS’ing, you still have the choice to say something or keep quiet.

We all have to learn to control our actions in response to our feelings.

Just respond with” I’m sorry, I am hormonal now. I don’t think this is a good time for me to be discussing this.”

I’m sorry it is so hard for you, but getting a grip on your responses will save you a lot of stress over the years.

Post # 14
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh. I never, ever “expect” my FI to know that I need anything. If I need it (even just a hug, or patience, or whatever), I tell him. Directly. “Honey, right now I really need _____.”

Before I learned to do that, I would just be pissed whenver he didn’t know to do ____ on his own, and then I’d be mad and he’d be mad and I still would not get what I needed.

Post # 15
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Men get PMS also!!!!!! and they are even worse then we are! I do feel guilty sometimes but my FI knows me well enough to know when not to mess with me….i am def a mean B*tch during that time of the month thankfully my AF only last for 4 days!

Post # 16
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

I understand you completely! You could look into hormonal options for it, but I also overreact to his jokes, ESPECIALLY when I’m pms-ing…

I’m going to throw something out here. Some women with really bad PMS could actually severely improve their symptoms by dealing with their everyday anger. It seems that a lot of women with bad PMS keep their angry feelings pent up and the PMS hormones just let out a big waterfall of emotions. If you deal with them on a day-to-day basis you might find that your PMS lessens. Counseling is very good for this, and can help you a lot!

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