Have you ever felt torn between your father and your SO?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@LadyBlackheart:  I mean,  we are talking about the difference of $300 and a car that’s on its last leg.  YOU are the adult and need to be making the car decisions.  If it’s your dad’s car, he makes the decision.  If it is your BFs car,  he negotiates the price. If it’s YOUR car,  you make the call on what the price is,  what you get next and how much input you seriously want.  It’s ok to get other opinions,  but at some point you need to stop feeling like you’re running interference and start treating them for what they are: differing opinions. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

I’d go with middle ground. Meet somewhere between their two suggestions or get advice from someone who knows cars a little better.

I don’t have these problems as my father passed away years ago, and my SO is generally more knowledgable about these things than the other men in my family.

Post # 5
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee

@Mrs_Amanda:  +1

 

You can’t rely on other people to make decisions for you, you need to do what you feel most comfortable doing. Look up comparable cars on craigslist to see what they’re going for.

 

Post # 6
Member
2357 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@LadyBlackheart:  Well first I think your BF is out of line critizing your dad. Isn’t that an unspoken rule – I can talk crap about my family, but no one else can? If he disagrees with what your dad is doing he needs to find a better way to communicate that.

Secondly, your BF sounds like he’s already been proven wrong when he said “no way you’re getting more than 4 or 5 hundred for the car no way no way” and then you immediately got a $600 offer, so maybe your dad does know a little more than you’re giving him credit for? 

Finally, who owns the car? Is your dad giving you any money toward the next car? If yes to either of those questions, I think he gets more input than your BF (assuming he’s not going to help you purchase the next car). Regardless, do some Kelly Blue Booking, google what to look for when buying a used car, and buy a couple of Carfax reports to use on the cars you’re looking at. I think you’ve said you’re in your late 20s? Car buying is something you can certainly handle yourself, although it’s always nice to have a second pair of eyes.

Post # 7
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LadyBlackheart:  Umm…  maybe the best solution would be for you to either- a: seek professional advice on topics you’d usually go to daddy or the bf for, or b: learn about these things on your own as they come up and be self sufficient?

 

 

 

I ask various people allt he time for advice on things, but my guy is in no position to chastize me or anyone else who gave me advice for not doing as he would have done. I’m a grown ass woman. AH DO WHUT AH WANT!

 

 

 

Basically, what I’m saying is, handle your own shit. Get advice, get opinions. But YOU should have been the one to do the negotiating on the car (after you asked around for advice, if you like). You can do this. So the answer to the question “whose judgement should I trust more” is obviously “your own”

 

Post # 9
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

@LadyBlackheart:   this is very uncomfortable position to be in. But if you trust your dad,  it is okay to go with his advice. All your previous points about the price your dad set were valid. 

Your SO seems overly worried about your car. Does it directly affect him? Who are you going car shopping with? If you want (esp if going to an establishment) go by yourself,  find what you like and have both of them look at it at different times. You don’t have to buy it right away.as you have to “think about it”.

In my case I would consider who this car-buying would affect more. My dad’s opinion means a lot to me, but if my BF and I plan to use the car together,  because we are in a partnership,  then I have to consider him too when getting he car. 

PS. Unless something is wrong with the car, my dad’s feelings are worth more to me. 

Post # 10
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  I have not been in that situation, but mostly because my dad will offer an opinion and leave it up to me as to whether I take it. But there really aren’t very many things I have gone to my dad with in my adult life. But when I have asked his opinion I usually just hear him out and make my own decision because 1) He is older and things are not what the once were and 2) He means well, but being my dad does not make him right 100% of the time. I’m a little confused about why your dad is accpeting or denying offers on your car. Is it in his name? Though at this point I would just leave him to the dealings with that car since he’s already in control of that situation and to take it out of his control would cause more problems than it would help.

I can totally see why this is annoying your BF though. How long have you been in a relationship because if you’re still early on I would stick with my dad’s advice as long as it seems plausible to me. But if you’re 4 years in (for example) and in a serious LTR and possibly thinking of marriage, then I’d go with my BF, but also using my own opinion. If you are early on I would hope this isn’t part of your BF controlling your decisions. And well, in general, I hope your BF is just trying to help and worried about you losing out.

Post # 11
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LadyBlackheart:  In this situation I would trust my dad. He has a track record. Plus, your SO has already been proven wrong about the sale price.

However, I would convince SO first. I would never be comfortable with going behind DH’s back and taking my dad’s advice against DH’s. The dollars you save isn’t worth it compared to the tension it can cause in the relationship.

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