- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
Warning: a bit lengthy.
I’m in an early predicament. FI and I decided on our wedding date in January (it’s 11/21/14). I was so excited we were officially planning and I knew already who all i wanted as my bridesmaids, and FI knew his. I already asked my four, FI still has to ask his. I’m having my 2 best friends, cousin, and SIL. FI is having brother, BIL, and my 2 brothers. Problem is, I’ve pretty much lost all contact with my one best friend. She has been my BFF since about 2nd or 3rd grade. I have seen her maybe 3 times in the last 4 years, one of the times it was when she was meeting my FI. I have been trying to arrange a hang out time with her for the last few years, and something always come up with her. She did have a boyfriend of 3 or 4 years but they broke up this year, so I thought that would free up her time. She always says “let’s hang out! let’s plan a day!” and it doesn’t happen.
Over Thanksgiving, I was only home for a short while (I’ve been away at school) and we made real plans to hang out, but when I texted her the evening before asking if our plans were a go, she didn’t answer me the rest of the night (and she had just sent me a happy thanksgiving text shortly before). I asked her the day we were supposed to hang, and I either got no response or she had plans that came up last minute (can’t remember, but I think I didn’t hear back from her at all).
I was home again for something else for a few days or a week, again. For 3 days IN A ROW, we planned to hang out. Not to hang out 3 days consecutively, but plans kept falling through each day. This time I thought it would happen for sure. The first day, I can’t remember why exactly we didn’t see each other, but then the second day she had to babysit at last minute, so I said okay let’s hang out tomorrow. Third day, she had to do laundry then work (this was several hours before she had to work, but she was nixing our plans anyway). We didn’t hang out and I spent three days just waiting and wasting three days of my break, I didn’t have any other plans because I assumed I’d be busy.
Most recently, I had Spring break 2 weeks ago. On facebook I said I was home and she said “let’s hang out over break!!!” and I said okay, and for her to let me know her schedule via text or facebook message. Did I ever hear from her? Not once. Over these last few years I feel I have been making the only effort in trying to see her, but she either blows me off or suddenly has plans. I see her constantly in pictures with the same group of friends (specifically her best friend) going out and drinking all the time. What really hurt was that she didn’t acknowledge my birthday yesterday. I know this sounds selfish, but we’ve been friends for so long and I know her birthday by heart and always wish her a happy one, she’s got my number and we’re facebook friends, and she went online posting pictures of her drinking with her friends again.
History lesson aside, I really feel like I don’t know her anymore. I have a lot of time til the wedding, but I’m thinking I may need to put my foot down now and make a deadline til when I have to ask her to step down from the wedding party. This is going to kill me and probably our friendship, but I feel like there’s hardly a friendship at all anymore. I hate confrontation and drama and I’m not sure how to go about doing this if it’s what I decide to do. We’ve never had any issues in our friendship so I’m just confused.
Has anyone ever been in a similat situation? How did it go?