Post # 1
I’m feeling a bit down today. I just had a falling out with a close friend who I had hoped would be one of my bridesmaids. Over the past year we’ve just been drifting apart and I’ve just been feeling like we’re both pretending to be interested and care about each others lives. She’s recently made some decisions that I don’t agree with and I just can’t support. Our friendship has become more toxic than blissful and now I have her blocked on my phone, FB, and pinterest. I’m not sure if our friendship can be saved or if we’ve burned our bridges. Even if it was salvagable, I’m not sure I would want to fix the relationship with how she’s treated me over the past year.
Have any of you had a falling out with a close friend or bridesmaid? What happened, how did you cope, and where do you stand now?
Post # 2
Yes I have had a falling out with a group of girlfriends who I was hoping would be my bridesmaids. To this day, I don’t know what happened and it hurts horribly. 2 of them unfriended me on FB, they blocked my number and just generally fell off the face of the earth.
My best friend pulled away from me when she first started dating someone, I waited as I thought for sure once the newness wore off, we’d reconnect, but now I rarely hear from her, we are still FB friends but we never talk. She unfollowed me on Twitter & Instagram. What really hurts is that when I got engaged I texted her and complete radio silence. I even called her, she didn’t pick up her phone. Which is weird because this girl ALWAYS has her phone right by her. Another thing that really hurts is that when my mom had surgery a few days before FI proposed, she didn’t check on me or my mom and before we drifted apart, we’d always check on each other, especially when something major happened.
Now when I run into her at the grocery store (it happens a lot as we live right around the corner from each other and the grocery store is righ there) it’s awkward and at best, we manage an awkward wave.
Post # 3
I literally just went through this with one of my BM’s. It was pretty much a friendship that was great, until it wasn’t. All I can say is, some friendships last a lifetime, and some run their course and end. It sounds like this one did. It was really sad to me that our friendship ended the way it did, but it is far better to sort it out now and move forward than drag it out. At least you are realizing it now, before you asked her to be a BM and probably would have had to deal with it later. Dealing with it later can get much messier. I didn’t realize it until after I asked her to be a BM, and come time to talk wedding, she had zero interest and was constantly negative. When I finally addressed the issues, the friendship blew up in my face.
This all just happened, but I can honestly say I feel relieved now to be done with it. I am moving forward with my friends who truly care and want to be a part of everything. At the end of the day, think about what you both bring to the friendship. If there isn’t much there, or if it is more negative than positive, let it go. I have zero regrets now about letting that friendship go. The only part that I feel truly sad about is how it ended, I should have addressed it sooner and she was so hurtful. It is always hard when a friendship ends, but it is much healthier to let it go than continue to have such a toxic person in your life. I hope you can move on and feel good about your decision. It gets better.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2015 - Beach
Yes it has.
I was a BM for my friends’ wedding. Our friendship had been drifting for a while, but I think she kept me around so I could be in her wedding, because for the last 6 months of our friendship, all we talked about was the wedding, and nothing else.
She got married, had her honeymoon (I house sat the pets as I lived close by), and I never saw her after the wedding. Literally, the last night I house sat, I left the house key in the secret place, and that was that. She attempted to contact me a few months later, but by that point, it was too late.
I haven’t seen her since, but from what I see on facebook, she divorced only 2 years later.
Post # 5
We started falling out after the wedding. As soon as I got back from my honeymoon things switched completely. We went from talking on the phone and texting every day to once every couple of days, to maybe once a month to now once every couple of months. I would purposely not call or text to see when she would call or text me back. She never called or text. Her dad had an accident, she never told me until I called and asked how everything was going. Her dog died, she told me three days later. I finally had the courage to ask her what was going on, how come we don’t hang out anymore? And she said for me to not take it personally that she is in an awkward stage in her life and she doesn’t want to be a Debbie-downer. But she will call my friends that I introduced her to that she has now become close with, but she won’t call me to hang out, or meet up to chat? So it was making me feel like she was singling me out. <br /> Finally I decided to call her out on the way she has been treating me. I wrote her an entire email telling her that I missed her and that this first year being married has not been hard for me with my DH, family or work. I said that my year has been hard without you in it. I got married I didn’t divorce my social life and I am hurt that you feel like you can’t talk to me. I am your best friend and the fact that you don’t call me to go out to the local pub for a drink anymore hurts. You won’t let me be there for you and I don’t know why. If you don’t want to speak to me anymore and we can just be cordial let me know. There is a lot more to that email, it was a very lengthy email and her response to me was one line – “I am sorry you feel that way. Lets meet up for dinner soon” I never responded because I poured my heart into that email and all you can say is I’m sorry you feel that way? That’s a real slap in the face. So I am ready to let go, because I know I have tried. And that’s the problem, I am the only one that tried to save our friendship. Its sad because she was in my wedding. We’ve known each other over 10 years. I wish this had happened BEFORE the wedding, because now, she is in my pictures and I feel like I have a stranger in my pictures. Its sad. I feel like I broke up with someone. I am seeing her on Thursday for a fundraiser for a friend of mine and she is going to be there because she is now in that circle of girls I hang out with. Since I haven’t responded to her last email I am anxious to see how she will act towards me.
Post # 6
crisy003: Yes- very recently actually. She was supposed to be my MOH and has been one of my best friends since middle school. Her parents are my second parents and our families even vacation together. Once I got engaged, we started growing apart. She was living with a guy 4 years ago and he dumped her and broke her heart. She went years without having a boyfriend (though she was constantly going on dates). She also changed because she became very religious- which is weird because she kinda dresses like a hooker sometimes and parties HARD. She started dating a new guy a month before I got engaged and we started drifting apart. I called her to talk about a wedding problem I was having and she was just annoyed. She said I was too negative and she didn’t need negativity in her life (I was really stressed out- and it was 1 phone call). I called her with good news that we booked our venue and officially had a date. I left a voicemail, texted, called again a couple days later… nothing. After 2 weeks, still nothing. I texted her that I was only trying to get a hold of her to share the good news and I would appreciate her calling me back. She claimed she was really busy, she “didn’t have time for me, and all her free time was dedicated to her relationship.” This guy became her entire universe. A few months go by, and I let her know that I think she’s being a bad friend, her life is out of balance, and everyone is busy but you make time for what is important. I told her she is supposed to be my best friend and I can’t count on her. Her mom even got involved and said her daughter would return my phone calls within 48 hours. But when I would call or text her every couple weeks, she wouldn’t call me back- or she would, but only to fight. Plus the guy she is dating is a total loser- over 30 and still lives with his parents (never been on his own). He lost a parent, and she was there for him, which is great, except she was there for him so much that she failed out of school and hasn’t gone back. I’m the only high school friend she even has left- she’s an intense person and most people can’t handle her.
She was supposed to be my sister’s BM, but never called her back and was flaky, so my sister said she wasn’t a BM anymore bc she obviously didn’t have time. She RSVP’d to my sister’s bridal shower I threw- I was looking forward to seeing her in person (we live in different states). She didn’t show up- no excuse- just didn’t come last minute. I told her that was rude. She was so late to my sister’s wedding that she missed the entire ceremony (and her dad officiated it!). I asked her why she missed the wedding (hoping she had an excuse) and she got defensive. She wouldn’t answer my call and told me to kiss her ass, she’s done with me, and she’s blocking my number. The other day I realized she de-friended me on facebook. And that’s how she went from MOH to not invited. How do I cope? I realize it’s her problem and her choice. And I have lots of other friends who love me!
Post # 7
Hi, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I had falling outs with my two closest friends in the year leading up to my wedding. One told me she didn’t like my now husband and started driving by my house to see how much he was there and commenting on this. She blasted me for being a horrible friend and had a lot of negative things to say. looking back, the friendship was never very healthy. We parted ways, she has since blocked me. At the time, it was horribly painful to the point where I started counseling. However, now I can look back and see that it was for the best. I have other friends now because I have made the effort to do things with them and am much happier overall. One of my other friends stopped talking to me after I asked her to be in my wedding and she said she couldn’t because she had plans to go camping. And then she stopped talking to me. Wouldn’t return my calls, etc and unfriended me on Facebook. I honestly don’t know what happened there and wish we had the opportunity to discuss things. But, it is what it is and in the end I had a beautiful wedding with people who really love and support me standing by my side. Hang in there. I’ve found out this is extremely common and you will feel better in time!!!
Post # 8
It happens…if she’s toxic you’re probably better off. This happened to me years ago, my former friend just stopped talking to me (she let me know). I got a new phone so I didn’t even have her # to call to see if we could work it out. I’m glad now, as it was a pretty one sided relationship. funny thing though I bump into her family all the time and always stop to chat and catch up but I never see her and if I did I’m not sure if I would acknowledge her presence… As pp have stated don’t worry too much life will get better
Post # 9
I ended a friendship with my best friend in the last year. Thankfully, things were on the downslide before I got engaged so I knew better than to make her a bridesmaid. She isn’t even invited to the wedding.
It’s hard because I miss her as a friend so much, but I miss how we used to be. She became extremely controlling and manipulative around the time I started to date my FI – and things only got worse from there. It was hard because I’m a people pleaser and she was telling me (and everyone around me) that I had dumped her as a friend since getting a boyfriend.
Her behavior (crying and begging me not to date him, sobbing when I’d go on a date, telling me I was a bad friend for only seeing her three nights a week, telling me she hoped he’d be hit by a car, etc) actually ended up as a self fulfilling prophecy for her – I did indeed end up dumping her after getting a boyfriend.
I tolerated it and tried to work through it with her for OVER A YEAR (which from this perspective seems mind-blowing to me, what was wrong with me?) but I kept praying it was a phase or that she would get over it. Nope.
The day I cut the rope was one of the best days of my life. The sense of relief and happiness I felt told me that I did not have to feel guilty about it. I still don’t. Best decision everrrrr.
Post # 10
You will get through this dear… My FI’s sister was supposed to be a BM. We used to get along very well. She is a user, a liar, and a plain old mean b*tch. I am so glad that we never got to the point of looking for dresses or anything. We had a falling out about a year before the wedding. My FI told her the day that we booked the venue, and there was not an ounce of happiness on her face. I actually think that she was surprised… We all lived together for a while, and it was a freaking nightmare!!! I NEVER wish to see her ugly face, nor the ugly face of the thing she is married to. I want them to move to another universe! She is controlling, vindictive, and tried to get FI to choose her over me. She is married to a secretly bisexual, even bigger lying, cheating, loser who came from a third world country (her words) to live off of that stupid woman. It is no surprise that she is miserable. She has lost so much for her giant turd husband that it is crazy. None of that had to do with FI and I. She is not invited to the wedding or anything else. She had a baby this summer and we do not acknowledge the event.
It was a relief to walk away. I greatly dislike drama and constant fighting. That relationship means zero now. I do not miss it at all. It was one-sided. She used us to find a place to live because her credit is trashed and to borrow money. She did nothing but disrespect us and project her issues with her life onto us.
You have lost very little. You will see this in time. This is soooo common. Sometimes people were not meant to be in your life permanently. People and circumstances can change. Weddings can bring out the absolute best or the absolute worst out in people. I am so happy that I do not have to look at that crusty woman’s face in my wedding pictures now. You will eventually feel better about it and actually be happy that it happened sooner rather than later. I wish you well!
Post # 11
I’m going through this right now. I’m suppose to be her moh in her October wedding. She used to be there for me when I would have panic attacks about my boyfriend but once I started to get professional help for that, our relationship started to go down hill. Then she got engaged….she asked me to be moh and I was so happy. Then I found out things her mom used to say about me (I’d drop out of college, get pregnant two months in, wasn’t going to do well at school/life and so forth, none of which are true) which made me feel like I had to be fake. I asked her one day if the floor in her venue (barn) would stick to our sequin skirts and she flipped out on me. I should’ve dropped out right then. Then my birthday came and she forgot about it. During my birthday weekend my grandpa was in the hospital. He’s my world because he is literally the only family I have since I’m an only child and lost both my parents. She didn’t even ask how he was the 5 days he was in there. That’s when I knew our relationship was over. I studied abroad this summer and when I got back told her we needed dates set in stone so bm’s could take off for activities (this is completely reasonable) and she once again flipped out on me. Her mom even texted me bitching me out. It’s been 2 months since I’ve talked to her and her wedding is 2 months away and I don’t even know if I’m invited. Since then my grandfather has only gotten worse and I’ve been trying to find a homw for him to live in and he’s been in the hospital and now rehab. I have bigger fish to fry than her stupid wedding. I’m living in the real world and she continues to live in the land of rainbows and unicorns. She closer on the house that her mommy is helping pay for and that’s all they’re putting on social media And I haven’t congratulated her. She doesn’t deserve it. She’s a rude, immature, self centered brat. Over the past year I’ve realized we were raised completely differently and she will never stop breast feeding and grow the hell up. I wrote a couple of post about this if you care to read.
Post # 12
crisy003: I am actually strategizing the falling out after my “friend’s” wedding this fall, I wrote a post about it the other day if you care to read. We were good friends many years ago, we kept in touch on a pretty superficial level, but last year she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I felt too guilty to say no…now after spending more time with her than I had in previous years I realize how toxic the friendship is and how little we have in common anymore. Mostly she brings a pretty negative influence into my life. I won’t back out of the wedding because it is so close now, but I do plan to be less responsive and just fade out afterward.
Like other bees have said, some friendships have their time and place, and some can last through many life changes, this one is one that had its place in my life but there is really no longer room for it. It still makes me feel bad/sad but when I look at what I’d really be losing at this point its just a few negative phone calls a month.
If your friend is toxic and you’ve become too different then you are making the right choice. You can’t force a friendship, it will just become a begrudging task that you resent.
Post # 13
Yes, in college. I’m not going to tell the whole story, I’ll just say that even now, over 10 years later, it hurts that we’re not on friendly terms anymore. A couple years after the falling-out, I tried for a while to make amends and she would have none of it. If I could turn back time, I might have just kept my mouth shut about the ways she was hurting me when we were friends. Just dealing with it probably would have been better than being cut off for good. If you think there’s any chance you could want to be on friendly terms with her again, do what you can to make amends now.
Post # 14
Yes!! Over wedding stuff, I fell out with 2 of my bridesmaids. Took a cooling off period of a couple of weeks, and then we made up, and carried on! What we fell out over was pretty insignificant in the greater scheme of things though, and just other stresses we all had made things worse.
Post # 15
I had a huge fallout with a BM/Coworker who is now engaged to my ex BFF. Phew!!!
So…. my BM and I work together, we became really close through the years, we have friends in common…. would text contantly. Anyway I started dating my now FI and 2 months before he proposed, I introduced her to my ex BFF. They hit it off great (I still think she’s using him and is still in love with her asshole ex….but that’s my opinion). The moment my FI proposed….. wow things changed FAST.
I asked her to be my BM with 9 other of my girlfriends and family members. She bitched about it all. “I hate long dresses on me but I guess this will do….”, oh bachelorette party? “sure! I’ll come if I can bring ex BFF”, “who would want to go to Las Vegas for her bachelorette? That’s so played out!”. She then through a hissy fit because our common friend and also BM had a baby, so between my recent engagement and her newborn child, she was pissed off because she wasn’t the center of attention.
The thing that really made me loose it…. she told our friend that I didn’t deserve that ring and it was her turn. That ring should’ve been hers. Needless to say she is ex BM….
She then told my ex BFF lord knows what….. but he hasn’t spoken to me since. He proposed (or else….) and apparently they are getting married next year.
I see her at work often. You can feel the tension when we decide to have a really awkward 2 minute conversation. It is pretty sad