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I said no a couple of years ago. It was an unexpected proposal, I knew it would never work out, and I started crying. That made it worse because he thought I was crying from happiness. No, no, it was definitely sad crying.
So this past July, when my now fiance proposed (which I was thrilled about), he started crying, and I didn't, which confused him. I pointed out that I have bad associations with crying at a proposal, but will be happy to cry at the wedding. The crying thing has now become something of a joke.
By the way, the first guy proposed to someone else a month after we broke up, so I feel no guilt about laughing at the whole crying issue. 
I can't imagine getting engaged without first having many serious discussions about marriage.
I dated a guy for years and whenever he brought up marriage, I made it pretty clear that I did not see it in our future. He would have been an idiot to propose knowing what the answer would be. Obviously, that one didn't last.
If someone proposed to me without us ever having discussed marriage, I would say no. It would indicate to me that we have divergent values/ideas about marriage. I might revisit marriage with the person later, if we were able to talk about it and I found out that we had similar views.
I had an ex-boyfriend propose to me in Harvard Square. It was a beautiful ring, but I knew it wasn't right to take it. Awkward saying 'no,' but 110% the right decision!
I'm pretty sure that this isn't the kind of response you were looking for but...
When I used to babysit in high school, one of the kids (who was 4) would ask me every time I saw him, if I would marry him. I, very very nicely, explained that I couldn't do that, because I was waaaaaaaaay too old for him!
It used to crack me and his parents up every time.
I was engaged once. After I found out I was pregnant the guy proposed. I should have said no, neither of us wanted to get married, but I didn't. Needless to say, we broke it off and 6 days after my baby was born he made me move out. Winner!
@rachael - my FH’s little nephew has been in “love” with me since he was 4 (he’s 6 now). When his mom told him I was getting married, he burst out crying! Awww, poor little guy – he said he thought I would marry *him*. lol ;-/
I've never said no before, I've never had to. I think I'd probably say yes, in the moment. What a horrible experience for you and the guy, yikes! I have definitely broken up with a guy, in a public place- that got ugly, I am glad I'll never have to do anything like that again!
So, if you say No to a proposal, does that usually end up with a break up? I would think that if I had said no to my DH, he would have ended it. And if any of my ex's had proposed, it would have been me ending it.
My previous BF (turned ex FI) proposed to me. I didnt think we were ready, but I said yes anyway. It was fast, I mean looking at rings on a Sunday and BAM! proposed to on a Wednesday...very fast. A few months later, I called off everything and moved out. It just wasnt what I wanted for my life (hindsight, I saw us leading down a disasterous road physically and emotionally)..
I am so glad that FI took his time to propose to me the way he did and make sure we were both ready for it!!! Lets put it this way...from the time FI and I first looked at rings, until the day he proposed, my entire last relationship came and went within a shorter time frame(dating, move-in, proposal, breakup, moveout)....its crazy to think about that!!! but, thats life!
I did, I had to say no. It was one of those crazy chemical intense relationships, from when I was 16 until I was...21? Off and on. I always thought I'd end up with him, he always thought he'd end up with me. But even though the physical was good, the emotional was bad, and when he said "You have to marry me, you've always known I was where your life was headed", I had to say no. We tried to be friends after that, it was really hard to break away, but when he started to disrespect my relationship wtih FI, I cut all ties. Changed my number. Yeah, it was really hard and pretty sucktastic. But for the best, hands down.
I dated my ex for three and a half years. Towards the end of this time, he became addicted to pain medication that his doctor kept prescribing him for back pain. He became nasty and volatile to such a degree, even his friends avoided him. After a few months of this, I broke it off because he couldn't accept the fact the he needed help and he became verbally abusive. I still talk to his mom at times. A few months after we broke up, she said he had been ring shopping and planning to propose! I would have said no if the relationship got that far.
Out of curiosity... why would you be in a relationship that wasn't headed toward marriage? Some of you had said that you knew before he proposed that you'd never marry the guy... Then why date him?
I'm just curious because right now my close friend is dating this guy she says she'd never marry and I just don't understand why she would keep dating him if she knows he isn't right for her...
@akennefy: hmm, good question. I think that totally depends on all sorts of things, like how old each of you are, how interested each of you are in marriage in general, and what your future life plans (or lack thereof!) are.
I think the key is just that both people are on the same page. If both of you want to date for fun, or company, or whatever, fine, as long as neither one of you has drastically different expectations. In my case, the ex who proposed to me apparently considered our relationship far more serious than I did. I did not realize that beforehand, since we'd never discussed marriage, so I was really surprised. And there were all sorts of other factors that made me say no.
Out of everyone I've dated (not that that's a huge number), I could only see myself married to one of them (at the time--now I know it would never have worked out!). But people change, opinions change, and sometimes you just have no idea going into a relationship what will come out of it . . . you just have to wait and see where it goes :)
I had an ex propose to me. We were already broken up though and he didn't have a ring.
I did have to say "No" and it was the absolute worst.
I lived with a BF and things started not working but it was hard to break up since we lived together so it lasted longer than it should have (by like a year). Eventually I found my own place and ended things but we still kept in touch.
One night he showed up with a ring and proposed. It was horrible and not at all what I wanted or needed, I really just needed to be on my own.
My ex from years ago was going to ask me to marry him. I only heard that he had a ring from him and his mother. I was only 21 and it was too early for me to get married. I am happy that the relationship ended and even more happy that I didn't have to tell him no.
My very first boyfriend, when I was 13 or 14 proposed. I told him I was too young and so was he and to ask again later (he insisted I keep the diamond ring, which I did. Sadly, someone stole it from me a few years later). He broke up with me 3 months later because his parents hated me (I wasn't the evangelical christian girl they had in mind for their little boy). My second boyfriend (when I was 18...I was picky!) proposed and I asked for a week to think about it. Well, he took that as a yes and started to plan the wedding. Not only did his idea of a "dream" wedding freak me way the heck out, but I realized I really wasn't interested in a long-term future with him. It took 3 more months of breaking up over and over, but eventually things ended between us. Otherwise, I had two other proposals before I asked my FI to marry me. One was a guy I was insanely in love with- he left me 1.5 months later for another woman (such a long story!) and the other was from my best friend- He told me he loved me, had for many years, and asked me to marry him all in the same conversation. I said yes and then 4 months later he broke it off after he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend. (which was for the best. We make amazing friends and love each other to death, but we made a very lousey couple! We are still very good friends today. My FI and my friend get along great too, btw.).
Not unsurprisingly, my FI is the only one I've proposed to and the only one about whom I've ever been really excited to marry! :) I figure that bodes well for us!
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I'm an encore and this will be my third marriage (yeah, I know...). My sister recently said to me, "Neva, you know you don't have to say yes to EVERY man that asks." Now, I know she was teasing...especially since she also told me this is the one I should have married in the first place (and she's right).
But it got me thinking. I really haven't said yes to EVERY proposal I got. I did have to tell one guy I dated for nearly two years that I just didn't think it would work between us. That sucked..worse for him, I'm sure, but I am glad I will never have to turn down a marriage proposal ever again.
So I'm wondering, how common is that? There is a proposal and then (hopefully, a gentle) refusal. Of course, this doesn't even take into account the relationships where marriage is discussed, but nothing ever gets to the point of a formal proposal.
So Bees..how about it? Have said yes every time you've received a serious proposal? Have you had to say no? Have you said yes and then changed your mind?