Post # 1
This is both an etiquette post and a bit of a rant.
First a little background
I have a co-worker who is getting married in less than 2 weeks, first marriage and she is obviously over the moon. She has adorable twin boys and she and her Fiance are expecting their first child together.
Today she was discussing the wedding with another co-worker, and she mentioned that she was wearing a complete veil, meaning that she was wearing the part that covered her face as well as she walked down the aisle.
Co-worker busrts out laughing, “how can YOU wear a veil like that? That is only meant for VIRGINS!”. My friend is clearly taken aback, and of course hurt. Co-worker goes on and on about her not being a virgin, what with two boys and another on the way and how everyone will laugh at her if she does this and how she has laughed herself at non-virgins who chose to wear a veil this way.
So I say, I have never heard of this “rule”, which, honestly I hadn’t, and co-worker took this as her cue to go around our office asking every female in there whether or not they had ever heard of it. Turns out, most of them had but, really, who gives a shit?
I couldn’t BELIEVE she was so mean and snarky, and I comforted my friend and told her it’s your wedding, wear what you want to, who cares about some archaic rule about virginity?
Have you ever heard this rule?
Post # 3
I have heard it, I think it was an old school tradition. I’m of the camp of “wear it however you like”, I tried mine on over my face, it didn’t look right on me though. But ya, I’ve heard of it.
Post # 4
Back in the middle ages veils were worn to protect from the evil eye. Take these things with a grain of salt.
Post # 5
That’s ridiculous. I mean, the original meaning for a white dress was to = virgin/purity…why did that change and not the veil?? Tell your friend to ignore how rude her coworker was! She will look beautiful!
Post # 6
I’ve heard of it, but put it in the same category as wearing white…I hope she ignores your very rude coworker and wears it anyway, however she wants.
Post # 7
Traditionally? Perhaps that was true. Anymore it doesn’t and it was super rude to say that to someone!
Post # 8
I’m in the who cares camp, but if it were a friend who has kids (or was an encore bride) that was planning on doing it, I would suggest she reconsider. I would never be that rude about it!
Post # 9
Your co-worker is a little confused and MsMonkey is right: it’s the white dress that signifies virginity, the veil originated from the time when couples didn’t meet before the wedding, and they were used to keep the bride’s face hidden so the groom wouldn’t decide she was ugly, refuse to marry her, and inadvertently start a war between the tribes, clans, etc.
All that notwithstanding, it’s a tradition that is no longer strictly observed, and your co-worker is making herself look foolish by making a big deal of it.
Post # 10
Traditionally, YES a veil (particularly one with a face covering), was a sign of being a first time Bride.
And YES there are definitely references to virginity… for more info check out this entry from Wikipedia (scroll down to find the section on Wedding Veils)
I am a Bride-to-Be “of a certain age”… and so I’ve seen all this in my 50+ Years. Women who were Encore Brides traditionally would choose a hat as their head-covering, and perhaps something small (and more open in form / netting) such as a Birdcage Veil when they were married the second time.
But these days, a lot of these traditions have fallen by the way-side (or at least the knowledge of their meanings)… so more and more Brides are choosing to do things like wear Veils, White, or full-blown Wedding Dresses for their subsuequent marriages (I myself a bit of an Etiquette Snob is certainly entertaining the idea of a long gown in a Wedding Dress style that is made in non-white… Champagne Sheath with a Lace Overaly… and some sort of a head covering that mimics a more traditional veil in look and length)
So ya, it is true your friend may have those who consider what she has chosen as inappropriate… but there will probably be just as many in attendance who thinks it is all quite fine.
Hope this helps,
PS… Lol, as an Etiquette Snob, I can say that the Co-Worker who called her out in public, made fun of her… and spread the word thru the Office was commiting a HUGE breach of Etiquette (kind of ironic when you think of it). And she was BEYOND RUDE !!
Post # 12
I think your other coworker was incredibly rude. To me, its a simple unveiling of the bride and I think it is a very lovely part of the ceremony. It’s where he (or she) can see their bride, truly, for the first time. I think it’s very sweet and I don’t give a hoot whether that person has done the naked mambo.
edited for lame spelling
Post # 13
@MsMonkey: I know a few people who don’t believe one should wear white unless they’re a virgin…
Technically the whole wearing white thing was as much a fashion statement as it was a statement of purity. The concept’s only been around 160 years (which in the scheme of things is no time at all) and didn’t even become available to the masses until post WWII really. It was primarily for the fashionable and wealthy before then.
Post # 14
Your poor coworker! Mean people suck. She should do what she wants and to hell with what other people think.
Post # 15
I’ve actually never heard of it. I do know about the “white being for virgins,” but like other PP’s have said…who cares! You should be able to wear what you want and how you want on YOUR wedding day without someone laughing at you. Not to mention, if someone is laughing at the bride behind their back (or even to their face), they are not true friends and therefore shouldn’t have money wasted on them by inviting them.
I hope your friend takes it with a grain of salt and lets it roll of her back.
Post # 16
@This Time Round: My friend IS a first time bride…just…not a virgin.