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My moms friends used to tell me when my husband and I were engaged that the first year of marriage was the hardest and they never thought they would make it through the first year. One woman told me she considered not staying married to her husband through the first year they were married because they fought all the time. My husband and I havent had this problem and we've been married for 9 months, in fact we fight alot less now that we're married. But we never fought a whole heck of alot to begin with. We also lived together before we got married and havent struggled financially much because my husband graduated college and got a good job right about the time we got married. (thank the good lord for that) : )
SO HAVE ANY OF YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS HAPPENING?
Nope. I haven't. DH and I are a couple weeks shy of our first Anniversary. = )
I've heard that. I think it probably is more common for couples who have more to adjust to - like, if they've never lived with each other or even a roommate or whatnot. They have to adjust to considering someone else in every aspect around the house.
If this is the worst it is ever going to be - YES - life is going to be AWESOME! YEAH!
No, I have not heard that before, but fingers crossed it is true! XXXXXXXX
I have heard that, but not true for us either. Just celebrated 6 months. In our first 6 months we moved to another part of the state & are running a business together. It's been great. We did live together prior to marriage so like someone else said that may have something to do with it.
hmmmm i think it depends on the situation. dh and i fight less now because i am less stressed (no wedding planning, no school :)) our first few months have been a breeze (compared to dating anyways) :)
i was told that the first year is the hardest and for someone like me who didnt live with my husband before we married i found the most difficult part was learning it was about taking him into consideration and not asking permission because there were times i felt like i had lost some independance
I have heard that too - and know of people who separated a year after getting married and subsequently divorced - but its been pretty easy for us. We didn't live together before getting married, but we love it and are having so much fun. Thinking about all these "grown up" things like houses, starting up DH's business and babies is overwhelming at times, but we've never thought it was something we couldn't get through.
Yeah I have heard that and I think its a load of dog poo poo. Because marriage is what "YOU" make of it. Its like people saying all women are crazy or all men are dogs... or all children are horrible. People have their opinions and frankly I wish they kept them to themselves sometimes.
YOU and YOUR HUSBAND make your marriage. Just because some people have a difficult time doesn't mean you have to. Maybe they played into someone else telling them the same thing years ago... No, change the mold and have an excellant 1st year of marriage!!!!
Oh and the woman that really tried to drive this point home to me doesnt have that great of a marriage anyway. he drinks, shes difficult, and I saw him hit her in front of her whole family and friends at a super bowl party one time! Oh he also has a child he has nothing to do with and has denied it since before birth. What kinda guy is that? Just thought id give a little tid bit of info there.
Also it is so true that you and your husband make the marriage. My grandmother once told me that when you fall in love with someone there is nothing that do you under if you both do what your supposed to do. Her and my grandfather have been married for 48 years.
I've heard it from some friends, but each relationship has it's own baggage and issues.
FI and I have lived together for 2 years. When we first moved in together it was hard for a while, so I can imagine couples who have not lived together before marriage will deal with those issues, but I don't think that's exclusive to marriage itself.
I've heard it and for us it's been true(ish)! We were together for 9 years on the day we got married and had lived together for over 5 of them so we were not the typical couple. I found that for me personally there was a certain finality to adjust to as well as a more intricate merging of lives. We'd lived with separate checking/savings accounts and we chose to merge everything after marriage. This meant we suddenly had to check in with each other if we were buying something big, and while it hasn't been an issue, we both notice it.
Before getting married, there was always an "out" in the back of your mind that if your partner Reeeeeeaaaaaally ticked you off you could leave/tell them to leave. After getting married, that is gone and some of the stuff that hadn't bothered me before started to bother me. Think "I have to live with his xyz (balled up dirty socks/wet towel on the wood floor/laziness) for the rest of my life???". It's certainly not the hardest period in our relationship but it has been much more of an adjustment than I we expected.
I can't imagine that our first year could be awful...maybe it depends on the level of adjustment that needs to be made, and also how well the couple knows one another?
Losing ones job or fertility issues could contribute to a bad first year- but that is more about situational reasons...
I've heard that as well but I don't know where it comes from. Our first year of marriage was probably the best year of entire relationship so far! It was easy to me :-)
I was just chatting with some of my friends who are recently married and all 3 told me their first years were wonderful!
My dad even told me the first year was the hardest. Note hardest not worst ;) Truly, even though we've lived together for ages, we've settled into our routines, yes, this has been a hard year for us. I think it's because we're trying to make a lot of big decisions about what we want next out of life, what steps to take, where to take them, it's been very stressful. Sure, we've been through a hell of a lot worse (trust me) but when you're talking about decisions that impact your husband and future children, there's a whole new depth of meaning and it can be really stressful.
However it's also very exciting! We're making plans about our future together and as stressful as it may be, the end of it is that we're building something and trying to make decisions for our family which is pretty awesome! I think we're over the hump now and just trying to sort out the answer that's right for us.
I've definitely heard that, too. We're almost 5 months in and haven't had a hard time at all. As previous posters have mentioned, I think it's harder when you have more changes to adjust to. We lived together for 3 years before we got married, bought our first house 2 years prior to getting married and we actually worked together for 2 years prior to getting married as well. We dated for 5 years before we got engaged and I think we had already been through all of the 'growing pains' together.
I heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest and I'm pretty sure it comes from back in the day when people didn't live together before marriage.
However, I did find our first year together difficult. We had a move across the state in order for me to find a job. We also moved away from my family and friends and closer to his. Plus we both had taken crazy jobs that we hated which made us extra stressed and unhappy. However, once we got settled and got different jobs it got a whole lot better. I think it was a lot of adjustment and changes and the stress of our jobs that made it so difficult. Had we stayed put and kept things the same as before we were married we wouldn't have been so stressed.
We just had our 3rd anniversary and we had 3 difficult years as a start (our legal wedding was in 2008). My husband joined the military right before we got married, we had our son (who I love more than anything but was not planned) right while I was in the middle of university, and this past year all 3 of us lived 3 hours apart each while I finished school. Now we are all back on base together and looking at day care costs while I hopefully get enough substitute teaching jobs to start to pay my school debt and our other debt. We both want off base so badly and to get our own house. It has definitely been a crazy stressfull 3 years - but I figure if we can make it through this - then we can make it through anything! I guess it helps that we have been friends since we were 14/15 years old :)
I have never heard this, I have heard the first 7 years makes or breaks a marriage. We are almost 3 months in and I think it has been a lot easier. Even with me being pregnant with our first child
@marriedtoagreatman: "Oh he also has a child he has nothing to do with and has denied it since before birth."
Is he my ex-husband? ;)
Seriously though, yes, I've heard this. I think it's more apt to say the first year you move in together is the hardest, though. Because you have to get used to each other's habits (good and bad). (add in kids and different parenting techniques and it's even more difficult, lol).
Was our first year together difficult? Yes. Would it have been LESS difficult had there been less outside-interference? MOST DEFINITELY. Things have since calmed down and we're back to normal (despite all the freaking stress in our lives. ugh).
Well, we're only two months in so we aren't there yet. We lived together for 6 months before the wedding - which wasn't really difficult, but just more of an adjustment. So far, married life has been great - not really much different than dating life.
I imagine when we start getting into decisions such as when we want to have kids, buy a house, etc., it might be more challenging - not necessarily hard.
Honestly, the hardest part of our relationship was all the summers + couple semesters we spent apart. DH is not much of a phone person so when I'm desparate to just hear his voice and hear him talk, and he wanted to play games or do something else, there was a lot of frustration and some tears.
Having a webcam probably did a lot to help our relationship!
I havent heard this, but I saw an article recently about how 7 yrs seems to be the highest rate of divorce because of the stress of children, the lack of attention to each other, and other things, and the realtionship finally reaches a point of stress that they say its changed too much and they've fallen out of love.
I have heard of that, but I think its mostly the older people that say that. I think it comes from them not living together before they are married. Then right after the stress of the wedding they are finding out how to live together etc for the first time. I can see that causing an issue I guess, but all of my newlywed friends are still in their happy honeymood lovey phase still after their one year anniversary. :) Its really great to see!!
I heard that too. While our year sucked, it had nothing to do with our relationship. My husband got really sick and had to have major surgery and I had a pretty awful misscarriage. But getting through all of that helped our relationship get stronger!
Our second year has been much better for us so far. We had a baby girl and bought a house! We are struggling with money due to all of that... but trying hard not to let it stress us out.
I've always heard that the first year is the hardest but I don't buy a word of it! (And we've been married for over a year now so I speak from experience). We lived together for 3 months before getting married so we certainly weren't fully settled into that yet either.
DH even wrote in my anniversary card that "If the first year is supposed to be the hardest, [he] can't wait to see what our future years together will bring."
It's been a crazy hard year for us, but that's pretty much because I've been looking for a full-time job since right after the wedding and it's taken a big toll on me.
I think its what you make it. But then FI and I have been living together for over a year now. Even that wasnt hard, I expected it take some adjustment etc but we just kinda moved in and it all just flowed....I think we just automatically made any adjustments without it being too complicated or difficult. But I am expecting our first year to be a little more...challenging? Im going back to college a week after we get married,and we will be down to one income which I can imagine will be stressful for us.I`ll let you know in a year or so lol!
It definetly has not been the worst year and I loved it but I was definetly harder. DH and I bought a house right before the wedding so we had to adjust to being homeowners and dealing with all of the unexpected maintenance as well as learning to balance our relationship, work, and our household duties. It was an adjustment and growing experience for us but I turned out to be a great year. I don't think any year is going to be easy. There are always going to be changes and adjustments that need to be made but I hope there isn't a year that I think is the worst.
Hmm, I don't know. I know everyone says that is more directed toward people who don't live together before marriage, but we did not live together and we're doing great so far. :)
I'm just starting out my first year now. And so far it's been good. DH and I are very understanding and laid-back so a lot of things that may bother some people do not even exist as any kind of problem in our relationship.
My SIL, on the other hand, she's just married my bro-in-law less than 1 year ago. She's been independent for the longest time and now all of a sudden she has to live with a Mother In Law [from hell] and her 1st year is obviously going to be VERY DIFFICULT. And it's not even so much her DH and her arguing/fighting, etc., but a lot of crap is being fueled by the MIL. There is really nowhere else the MIL can go. Her DH was sort of a mama's boy for along time. He's breaking out of that shell but the process is very slow and painful. And his mom makes sure it is painful. Lol. That is contributing to a problem '1st year' for them. 
I think it's all relative to personality and life situations.
Some people fine adjusting to the commitment overwhelming. Others do just fine with it.
I think there will all be harder years in marriage than others... and ones where we are super blissful and others where we want to run in the other direction. I think it's all part of how marriage (and life) ebbs and flows.
Thankfully, we have not had a difficult first year in our relationship - but, much like our engagement, have had trouble adjusting to some family relationships (as they adjust to us). That's been the most trying thing - but, gratefully, has brought us closer together.
i have heard that too, but we had a great year as well! lots of change with new (lower paying) jobs, so that added stress, but we got through it very well. we didn't live together before, so that was an adjustment, but i think we've argued less since being married. i agree with PPs that said if the first year is the hardest, then we've got a great marriage ahead!
I think it depends if you lived together before or not. If so, you probably already went through the adjustment phase.
I never heard that.. and for me at least i doubt its true... we have been together for nearly 7 years... If I have made it though 7 years with the guy, then I Know I can make it the rest of my life :)
I heard this too, so I was bracing for the worst. We certainly had some trying times but all in all it was a wonderful year - better than we could have imagined! And we didn't live together before we got married so I don't think that is always what it has to do with.
we have definitely had our ups and downs, but we have learned that our love is super strong and can get us through anything. I do think it can be true for some couples, even if you have lived together before.
I think a lot of people do a lot more marriage prep now and know each other longer and wait longer prior to getting married... So I heard this alot in my parents' generation, but it doesn't seem to be so true now... Probably due to demographic changes.
Being married doesn't feel any different to me and we are coming up on our one year wedding anniversary next week. It all depends on the couple, how well they know each other, and where they are in life. DH and I lived together before getting married. Also, we're older (30+), established in careers, and financially stable. While this year has had it's share of ups and downs, I have to say it's been a really great year. :)
@Mrs. DG: So true! Even though we didn't live together prior to marriage, we dated for just over six years...I'd say we knew each other pretty well!
And ladies, I think we should all be super thankful that this adage doesn't apply to us!
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