(Closed) Have you ever received a B list invite?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you attend if you knew or suspected you were B listed?
    Never! : (24 votes)
    18 %
    Heck yeah! : (55 votes)
    42 %
    Depends on the situation... : (52 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11273 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @MadameTussaud:  i have from work friends.  i was not at all offended.  i completely understand that close family and friends take priority (or it’s obligation) and when rsvp’s come in as decline, they have enough room to invite the next tier of guests.  it’s not like they don’t want you there, there’s just always a limit/budget to the numbers.

    Post # 4
    Member
    869 posts
    Busy bee

    Yes.  And it didn’t bother me at all.  I totally get it.  Money doesn’t grow on trees, and I don’t expect to be the center of the universe.  I know people have friends/family that are closer to them than I am.  Budgeting a wedding is hard.  I was happy they were able to send me an invite, but I wouldn’t have been offended if I didn’t make the B list, either.

    Post # 5
    Member
    9825 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Nope. And honestly, if I was asked as a “B lister” I wouldn’t go. Nothing against budget constraints either, I understand that people can only afford to invite so many. I guess to me, invite who you truly want to be present, see who RSVPs and go from there. Saving a list of backups (to me!) seems like at that point you’re just filling seats for more gifts. I can see maybe having a small list of “Argh I really want this person there but my parents are helping pay, so let me see if any of their people aren’t coming” in terms of backups, but not like 50 people. Yes I know this opinion is unpopular, but that’s how I feel about it.

    Post # 6
    Member
    250 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I and my family have received two different types of B invitations.

    For one, there were space/$$$ limitations, and the bride was very upfront about capacity when it came to inviting a certain subset of people.  She was very gracious about it; it did not occur to me to be offended, and I was delighted to attend the wedding.  It also helped that the issue was clearly one of space — we were all quite closely packed into the chapel!

    My parents and I received a wedding invitation to a ceremony and appetizers/punch reception immediately following at the church. I believe this wedding was also announced in the church bulletin, so there were people there who had not been personally invited either.  We enjoyed the ceremony, enjoyed appetizers and punch after, and waited around for the bride and groom to finish taking pictures to come visit with their guests.  Except they didn’t.  The crowd started dissipating.  We hung around by the gift table, and some friend or extended relative of the couple casually asked, “Should I leave my gift here or at the next place?”  The NEXT PLACE?!  Yup, the couple had invited some to the ceremony + reception and some to the ceremony only.  I know this isn’t the strictest definition of a B list, but my parents were quite miffed and kept talking about it for awhile.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1735 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @KatyElle:  Agree I am only sending out one set of invites.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @KatyElle:  we see time and time again… we don’t get to choose who comes (ie that aunt whom YOU don’t WANT there, but HAVE to invite. You can argue all you want about it’s ultimatley the couples choice (but more times than not it’s no so cut/ dry or easy).

     

    I sent out about 45 B list invites. I don’t care if they are offended or not. I wanted to invite them, but couldn’t until other people (who I don’t want to come) decline.

     

    To asnwer the question- Yes I have recieved a B list invite. I was thrilled to be invited even if it was  Blist thing.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m considering a B list because I think we’re looking at 30-40 guests max, so closest friends and family first, but if, say, 10 can’t make it then it’s 25% of our list and we can afford to invite more people we would ideally want there but had to leave out at first. I would hope they wouldn’t be too offended, we’d invite family and maybe the 10+ year friends only, then more recent friends. Not expecting gifts though, just want people I care about there but we’ll be very very limited. If I was B listed for a big wedding, or B listed when it was someone close I’d probably be offended, but not if the wedding was super tiny or it was a work/school friend.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9825 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @vmec:  Ok? It’s your wedding not mine, you do what you have to do. As a B lister I wouldn’t be offended, I just wouldn’t come.

    Post # 11
    Member
    973 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @KatyElle:  agreed. 

    If I recieved a B-list invite, I’m not sure that I would go.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4194 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    Twice, and I’ve had two different reactions.

    First time: I’d known the groom for a while, but we’d had a bit of a falling out, and his now wife and I became friends after they’d been dating, and helped my friendship with the groom. She sent me a really sweet e-mail, saying how she had really liked getting to know me, and wanted to invite me to their wedding. She apologized that it was close to the wedding (think this was over a little over a month out, though)- she said she had a very large family, and they couldn’t invite all of their friends until after they heard back from family invites.

    I said yes, that I was honored to be invited, and had a fantastic time! (Ironically, a friend who received a save the date and “mocked” me for not getting one, didn’t receive an invite because he and the groom had a falling out-which was typical behavior for the groom before he got married and his wife set him straight!) Attending the wedding made me feel closer to both of them.

    Second time: Just happened this last month. FI’s cousin is getting married, and we’d been told all along that it was a small wedding, just immediate family and a few friends- second marriage for both.  About 3 weeks before the wedding, FI receives an invite, after we sent them a save the date for ours. 

    I felt this invite was a bit rude- the wedding’s in Tennessee and we’re in Maryland- a little more notice and we *might* have been able to swing it. I feel like they asked us just to get a gift (letting FI deal with this one.)

    We have a B list, unfortunately, and if we’re able to invite those guests, I’ll handle it the same way my friend did. I don’t think you can fault a couple for being honest about it.

    Post # 13
    Member
    212 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I received like a D list invite once. This couple fiance and I sort of knew (we never particularly liked them but we were in circles where we would see each other from time to time.) Anyway two days before their wedding the guy sent fiance a email saying “We have room at our wedding and need to make our food minimum we would love if you both came.” We declined.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It wouldn’t bother me. I’d much rather go and enjoy the party/celebrate than not go at all.

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