Post # 1
Long story …
I always hear people say things like “If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing.” I never understood that, because there are a few regrets I have that I really would undo if I could go back. One in particular is regarding an old best friend.
When I was in my 20s and a college student I had a best friend who helped me out a few times way more than she had to. These times also happened to be high-stress times for me, and I snapped at her on these two or three occasions.
I didn’t bother apologizing at the time because I really wasn’t thinking, although I didn’t really have real anger for her. I was just taking my stress out on her because she happened to be in the room. How incredibly wrong and stupid of me. The last time it happened she called me out on it. I realized I was quite wrong but didn’t apologize until a few weeks later because I was scared of appearing so wrong.
I could tell the dynamics of our friendship had changed the day I apologized. There was some kind of “distance” in the air.
The kicker — this all happened ten years ago. We didn’t speak again after the day I apologized. I started really regretting how I treated her in the past a few years perhaps because time gives us more wisdom, more hindsight to get a good 20/20 look at. Also, my life slowed down somewhat to where I was able to dedicate time to think.
I saw her on the street a few years after the incident and she reacted kind of coldly. We also saw each other in a store a few years ago when I was with a friend, and we pretended not to see each other. It was so awkward.
But last year I sent her a Facebook message. Some people would have said to leave the past in the past, but my maturity really taught me how wrong I was to treat such a good friend so badly back then. I sent her an apology on Facebook, which went into her “Other” message inbox for unknown senders. I think she saw the message but she never replied. It was too little too late. I imagine she probably even scoffed at the message when she saw it.
Do you think I did the right thing? Was it right to contact her and apologize years later even though she probably didn’t care at all? How would you feel if you were the recipient? She was perhaps the best friend I ever had, and I carelessly let that go at a time I was too immature to “get it.”
Post # 3
No, not really. I’m no saint, but my past failures as a human being have helped make me into the decent person I am today.
Post # 4
I was a bit of a bully in high school and I absolutely regret it. There was no excuse for me to be like that, especially since I’d been the victim of bullying as well.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Yes, but usually it’s when I remember back yesterday and realize something I said sounded really rude, even though I didn’t mean for it to sound rude. I am an idiot with my words!!
Post # 6
@Aquaria: Those teen years provide a lot of lessons. It’s good that you are a changed person now and feel the way you do.
Post # 8
@Bunny_the_Bride: I don’t think it’s ever ‘too late’ to apologize – so, yes, IMO, you did the right thing!
Post # 9
@oracle: Thank you, I really appreciate that.
Post # 10
@Bunny_the_Bride: I think you definitely did the right thing, I guess you could kinda say I’m in the same position as your old friend, waiting for that one true apology from my old best friend. Still haven’t received it, maybe one day. I don’t know that it would make us BFF’s again, but it would be nice. So good for you, that’s something most people would just brush off, and say “eh nevermind, it’s been so long anyway!”
Also, as for that “other” inbox, I’ve had FB for like too many years and just like 2 days ago realized it was there, had like 4 messages from like 3-4 years ago in it lol. So you never know, she still might just not have seen it.
Post # 11
@Laurenplusalex: +1. There is stuff that hurts and stuff that I sometimes wish I never had to go through (or put someone else through) but I’ve learned from my mistakes. Experience is a tough teacher but usually the best one.
Post # 12
I think it really shows of your character that you took the time to send her a heart felt message. I’ve done the same in the past. The only reason you are questioning it is because it makes you vulnerable but in all the right ways. I applaude you!
Post # 13
@-MONSTER-: I cried when I saw you had written you were in the position of my old best friend. I really hope you get your apology one day too.
Side note: I wish Facebook would make the “Other” inbox not so hidden!
Post # 14
@smarie13: I do feel vulnerable for sure! Thanks for the kind words.
Post # 15
Not many, but i can think of one. When i was in seventh grade I turned down a date with a guy from school because I knew my friends wouldn’t approve because he wasn’t “cool”. In the next year or two I came to realize that being popular was miserable and I embraced my nerdiness. But looking back, that guy was totally my type. I chalk it up to young idiocy about wanting to be popular and caring what other people think. But at least I got over that pretty quickly after that!
Post # 16
@Bunny_the_Bride: I ruined a friendship, because I handled a situation with my friend who was doing drugs, with no empathy or respect for her as a person and a friend. I regret how I acted, and how the friendship ended, and although, I’ve not talked to her in more than a year, amd it’s only been in the last 6 months, I realize how much of a D-bag I was.