(Closed) Have you ever waited til the reception to fill in the gift amount?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
12878 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sticking with my new resolution to not use the word tacky, I will say… poor taste!  haha, I don’t think that’s much better.

No, I write a check before I leave, in a sealed envelope, with a nice card expressing how happy I am for the couple.  There may have been things that make me want to change the amount, but there’s a reason I write everything in Sharpie pen – no take backs!  It’s rude to go and rifle through the card box to go take money out of a card just because you weren’t happy you have to buy your drinks!  (I wouldn’t be happy if I had to buy my drinks, but…yeesh, that’s line crossing!)

Post # 4
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I give gifts based on what I can afford and how close I am to the person and not on what they served for dinner or whether they had a photo booth.


Post # 5
14498 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That is rediculous.  We always just give what we can based on our relationship with the people getting married.  I will say that my dad waits to write checks until he gets to the wedding, but that is because he procrastinates and usually buys cards on the way to the weddings but he always gives the same amount.

Post # 6
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow would someone ACTUALLY do that?? That is appalling!

Post # 7
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sorry… but that is absolutely asinine. I also give gifts depending on what we can afford and how close I am to the person. A gift is given out of generosity and appreciation for the bond you share with that person… not on what you are going to get in return.

Post # 10
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t change it but I would give based on the scale of the event. If they are my closest family or my very best friend, then the amount stays (or maybe increases if it’s a very fancy one).

However, if it’s just normal friends or relatives, I tend to :

i) Cover my plate

ii) Add maybe $50 or $100 p.p. as a gift

So if the event is just a barbecue which costs say $20, I would give $120-ish p.p.. If it’s at the Four Seasons, I’ll pay $300 p.p. for the food+drinks + $100 as a gift.

Post # 11
3943 posts
Honey bee

I give the same amount, regardless if it’s in their backyard or at the Ritz. The point of a gift is to help the couple start their life together, not to cover your plate.

Post # 12
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Um. What?! I’ve never heard of that. But that is just wrong!!!

Now, is it that they’re taking money out to use @ the cash bar to buy drinks or are they taking out money because they feel as though they were entitled to something?Honestly, in this case, the intention doesn’t even matter much to me…the action speaks too loudly.

Post # 13
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

No, I’ve never waited until the event.

I will adjust based on going alone or with Fiance and if a meal is involved.



Post # 16
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

No, but I know people who do. They wait to see how the food is, what drinks are provided and what kind of entertainment the couples arranges before deciding how much to give. I don’t agree with it but what they choose to do with their own money is none of my business.

For the most part I base my generosity on how well I know the couple and how close we are. Family and close friends will get considerably more than someone who invited me because they had to (i.e. distant relatives or something of the sort). I also take into consideration the kind of event it is. I’m probably not going to gift the same amount for a black tie event as I would a simple backyard BBQ. I try to cover my plate as best I can so the difference between $15 p/person and $150 p/person is considerable.  

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