have you had to changes things in your wedding for family?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

No, we haven’t really changed anything.

FMIL/FFIL didn’t want us to have a DIY bar, and wanted us to get a cash bar because that’s normal near them, but that certainly wouldn’t fly with my side, and we WANT to host an open bar.

We’ve tried to be great hosts though, to the best of our ability.

Post # 3
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

PenguinLove:  Nope, we haven’t; and my parents are paying.

We’ve thought of our guests convenience and comfort when it comes to thinks like the location of the venue (not too far away; easy to get to; lots of different priced accommodation; plenty of parking), the music, the food and the drink. When it comes to anything else, we’ve gone with what we want.

Examples:

OH’s mum tried to get me to have his 3 cousins as bridesmaids. I already have 4 bridesmaids and while I like his cousins, we’re not massively close; plus with two of them aged 16 and 18 it’s hardly like they’re little girls who will get all excited. So, I said no.

OH’s mum tried to get us to have a religious ceremony. A) she isn’t even religious herself, and if anyone would have wanted that, you’d think it would be my pretty religious Catholic dad… B) I’m atheist C) OH is agnostic. That was also a no.

OH’s mum tried to get us to invite children even though a) we are childfree and don’t particularly like children b) our venue is not child-friendly c) we are VERY limited on space and for every child we invited it would be an aunt or uncle or friend who couldn’t be invited and most importantly d) we are not close to any children bar my cousin, who is invited. So, that was a no.

OH’s mum (noticing a trend here? We’re now no-contact with her and the wedding is one of the reasons) tried to get us to invite his great uncle and aunt who I had never even heard of (we’ve been together 8 years, so, not having heard of this person in that time is kind of a big deal), and who OH hasn’t seen or heard from since he was 10 (he’s 28). That was also a no.

 

I think for us the 2 major things we wouldn’t compromise on are the ceremony, and that for us includes the bridal party, and also the guest-list. Other things we can be flexible on if necessary.

Post # 4
Member
6866 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

PenguinLove:  Yep. We changed our entire wedding for our family and sacrificed having a honeymoon right after the wedding. Originally we had planned a DW where we would elope in front of a few friends and then have our honeymoon directly following. My mom threw a fit that she wouldn’t get to see me get married. We ended up having a small ceremony for around 20 people. It was beautiful, but was basically just to make my mom happy. We ended up spending over $5k on it so now the honeymoon waits until next year. Womp.

My advice is DO NOT DO WHAT I DID.

Post # 5
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Yes, I made some decisions with with other people in mind and  in the end I was glad I did.  

Did you have to give in on the BM issue?  No, of course not.  But if  this means a lot to your cousin, and to your grandmother, who doesn’t usually impose, and you care, then my guess is you’ll probably end up feeling good about it. At times, I think it’s possible to open a can of worms by showing favoritism within categories of  relatives.  For example two cousins of bridesmaid age, a niece as flower girl over another niece of flower girl age etc.  For some people the family connection is quite important, regardless of how often they see one another day to day.  Your gesture might even bring you closer to your cousin, with whom you’ll always share a history. 

What I did differently than if it had been just me: wording on invitations,  timing of affair to take older and out of town relatives into account, invited extra friends for both sets of parents, and told MOH and mother of flower girl to pick out their own dresses. 

Post # 6
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

Yes. I’m not sure how it effected our day just yet though:

  • We wanted a destination wedding (basically, to elope with immediate family) and are now having it in Michigan. In retrospect, I’m not too sad about this.
  • We wanted a small barn or outdoor wedding, it’s now a 250-300 person affair.
  • We wanted FI’s best friend to be his best man, it’ll end up being one of his siblings because his family threw a fit about it.
  • We wanted a small, intimate, formal rehersal dinner (just parents, grand parents, bridal party and their dates) and it’ll now be a mini-wedding of 150 people. FOR A REHERSAL DINNER. It’s a tradition in FI’s family for all out of town guests and their dates to be invited.
Post # 8
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

PenguinLove:  I don’t see how this is the business of FI’s family to get involved, let alone your FFIL insisting that FI “put his foot down.”  

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