- 8 years ago
- Wedding: February 2010
I’ve been trying so hard to come to terms with what will be reality versus what I want reality to be. I want SO badly for reality to be a MIL that is supportive, loving, approachable, and the respected matriarch of a solid family. I want so badly for reality to be a MIL who understand who I am (truly) and is anything remotely like me so we could connect. I want so badly for reality to be a MIL who is emotionally stable and in touch with the needs and wants of my FH. I want the reality to be that I feel like I am becoming part of a good family and gaining a set of parents who love me.
I am having the hardest time accepting the reality that generations of future family are telling me that the least difficult road to take is one of avoiding contact, placing physical distance, and placating her. I break down in tears when I realize that all I’ve ever wanted in life was a bigger family (we were very few in number growing up) and that the wiser are telling me to destroy all hope that I had set on it, because nothing but heartache and drama comes from that home.
I hate to be selfish, but it’s this feeling of it being unfair. Who said life was fair, I know, but my parents have been amazing to my FH and he’s always known it, but on his side its been almost a decade of discomfort and frustration. Is that what I have to gain? Why can’t I let go of this idea of having a nice set of inlaws?
If any of you are dealing with this, do things ever improve? There is no hope of them changing after marriage, no hope of him “sitting down” for a talk to convince them to be less selfish, no hope of them coming to their senses and realizing that they are all ridiculous — these are all things the wiser have told me. I have been told they won’t change. The only thing, I’ve been told, is that I just have to hope that distance will help keep the drama away. I wonder if they will show a desire to connect more once important things in life happen, like children.
Although the wiser warn me that this will only make things worse if the distance is not there.
I’m drowning in it. I can’t read another word about someone’s wonderful inlaws without bawling. And it’s really my fault – I have to force myself to let go of my expectations, and I’m failing miserably at it. How did you do it?