Post # 1
So my Gmom told me a while ago (and reminded me again this past weekend) that she actually bought us an engagement present back when we got engaged 1.5 years ago. It is a beautiful glass bowl that one would put on a coffee table or other table to hold other objects, decorative and functional.
But she decided actually not to give it to us since we live in an apartment and kept it for herself. Her reasoning was that our current space isn’t big enough to justify having such a thing (hello, we have a coffee table!) and guess what, she never went out and bought us a different gift to replace it.
Now, first of all Fiance and I never had an engagement party and don’t expect anyone to buy us engagement presents. I kind of think it’s too much: Engagement, shower, wedding. So my issue isn’t about not getting an engagement present. I’m just a little miffed that she ‘decided’ we didn’t need it since we don’t have an entire house and used that as justification to keep it for herself. I feel like she is trying to tell us our lifestyle isn’t up to her standards (she has never worked a day in her life and came from a wealthy family) and doesn’t approve of our living in an apartment in NYC. By The Way our apartment is a two level very large 1-bedroom, larger than some people’s houses.
So has anyone else had this happen? Have a family member or guest actually NOT get you something on your registry or otherwise because of how they sized up your lifestyle? Did it annoy you?
Post # 3
That seems silly. We live in a condo (he bought it before we met) and plan to stay there for a few years and wait for the market to come back before selling and getting a house. I would hope no one would not give us a gift because they thought it didn’t go with the condo! I mean, I’m not registering for a Kitchenaid Mixer just because of the fact that we don’t have counterspace in our condo, but that’s my decision. Not someone else’s.
Post # 4
I’ve not had that happen, but I’m annoyed for you! I know she’s your grandmother, but still. It’s not up to her to decide if your house is “appropriate” for a gift. She should have just kept the information to herself, just like she did the bowl!
Post # 5
That is so strange. If she didn’t want to give it to you, she shouldn’t have even said anything about it! Plus you might have a house later, you can’t buy things for that now?
Post # 6
She just sounds bizarre. We live in a teensy tiny apartment and people have gotten us plenty of gifts and never said anything like that. That’s just a weird thing to do.
Post # 7
That’s really annoying–and seems pretty rude!
We’re also in an NYC apartment that sounds much smaller than yours–we really don’t have space for any gifts that people might want to get us! Hence, one of the reasons we’re not registered. Although, we have received somethings (like a pewter salad bowl serving set) that currently lives at my mom’s apt, since they have way more room! We’re moving in May–I can’t wait to have more storage space!
Post # 8
I’m also annoyed for you! She shouldn’t have told you about it if she was going to keep it for herself! I feel like she said it to you to remind you that she doesn’t approve of you living in an apartment in NYC – even though the apartment is bigger than some houses.
We also lived in a condo after we were married, and I feel like people gave us things so that when we eventually got something bigger, that we would love to be able to use it. And now that we have a house with more space, it feels like we’re having our wedding all over again! We’re using gifts that we never were able to use in the condo! It’s fantastic! But, to your point, something like a very nice crystal bowl can be used in an apartment just as much as it could be in a mansion.
Post # 9
I dunno, I kind of get it. When Fiance graduated college, I got him this really nice glass decanter with some really pretty double old fashioned glasses because I knew he wanetd them. He made me return them because he said that he was living in an apartment, and even though he lived by himself he had a lot of wild friends and just felt like it didn’t really go with the whole vision of his apartment, and was worried something would happen to them.
Post # 10
Oh goodness, that hasn’t happened yet, and I certainly hope no one decides to get us gifts based on the size of our home, because we own a VERY small downtown loft–650 sq ft. We bought at the bottom of the market, so we got a fantastic deal, and we’re not selling until the market comes back and we can make a good profit…we’ll be here for a couple of years. We still want the new dishes we registered for! I can’t believe she did that, and I REALLY don’t understand why she felt the need to tell you?? Odd…
Post # 11
Ugh. No one has actually not given us a gift, but a few realtives on my mom’s side hve asked how on earth we plan to store things or why we need china since we live in an apartment. (Which makes no sense to me, but fine. Get us the pizza cutter instead.)
Post # 12
Thanks for all your responses! Sorry I haven’t been back until now, I was pulled into a long meeting.
And yes, my Gmom does sound annoying b/c she really can be! She’s also told us we HAVE to have the Eucharist during our ceremony since she found out we aren’t planning on it adn that we shouldn’t take the train anymore from NYC to Philly, we should take the bus. I just let it go in one ear and out the other, she always acts better than me. Jokes on her though – she doesn’t know that I know, but my Dad (her son) is actually giving her an ‘allowance’ every month as her late husband’s retirement has run dry. And since she never worked a day in her life she has no savings. So I don’t really take anything she says personally, I think she has her own issues and is overly critical of anyone she is near.
I guess I was just wondering if anyone else has had this happen – guests ‘skipping’ certian registry items since they’ve ‘decided’ your apartment (or house!) isn’t big enough to hold something like that.
Post # 13
WHATTT?! That is the crazies thing I have ever heard! That’s just plain mean! Who cares if you live in your car! IF she gave you a gift (or was planning on giving you a gift) she shouldn’t change her mind because you might not have a place for it! Isn’t that for you and your Fiance to decide! Crazy!