Post # 1
So, I was just wondering if anyone has actually enjoyed being a bridesmaid?
I’ve decided not to have any bridesmaids as I haven’t actually enjoyed being one and don’t want to put anyone else through it…
I’ve been bridesmaid twice, the first one I didn’t pay for the dress or the make-up and hair – but my partner and I paid to fly over (to NZ), hire a house, rent a car and stay a week before to help out with organising the flowers, setting up chairs, cleaning the house etc (probably costs us over $2000 all up). Only to feel like a glorified waitress on the day refilling everyones drinks the whole time whilst wearing some light pink balloon dress…
The second time I had to buy this awful poor fitting purple short strapless dress (no lining for a winter wedding – WAS SOOO COLD ALL DAY and ended up sick) for $375 plus flights for both the hens party and wedding (almost $400) plus decorating the entire hens party and paying for it (another $100 odd)…
Neither of them know how much I hated being bridesmaid – i would never NEVER tell them – but it got me thinking – who actually likes being a bridesmaid? What aspect did you enjoy about being a bridesmaid? what have you not liked doing?
The one aspect I REALLY ENJOYED was just hanging around the bride in the morning, watching her get ready, chilling out and just having fun… So i’m just asking some of my closest relatives and friends around in the morning to have breakfast and get ready together…
Post # 3
You need an option for “Eh.”
I’ve been a bridesmaid like 6 times or something (I’m 40, and most of my friends are married, and I can’t remember all the weddings I was in, at this point). I’ve been an “Honorary Bridesmaid” about 5 or 6 times, too – which means that I got to stand over the guest book or serve punch or some other free labor that kept me from even enjoying myself at the reception but which is supposed to be some sort of honor. The honorary thing was always obnoxious. Being a real bridesmaid was fun or not depending on the bride, and the other bridesmaids.
When it was relatively drama-free, it was sort of fun. The dresses were always impossible to wear again (some so awful, I had trouble giving them away for free to my sorority sisters – I eventually gave one to a theatre buddy who used it for a costume, and the rest went to Goodwill after hanging in the closet for years). It was always expensive, even when the dress was a gift, but that’s fine if the wedding is fun. Most of the times I was a bridesmaid were fun, some of them turned into drama fests, a few of them were just kind of nice. The nicest one was my sister-in-law, who is the most laid-back person I know, and we had a wonderful time at her whole wedding weekend because she’s so fun. She and I rode to the wedding together, and the wedding had to start a few minutes late because we were so late getting there. She stopped on the way to go shopping. I adore her.
I have to add that my experience being a bridesmaid is totally unlike what seems to the going thing nowadays. I’m horrified at some of the stuff I see on here that’s expected of bridesmaids nowadays. My friends pretty much all got married 20 years ago, and it was quite different. In some cases, I gave a small shower for the bride working with my mom or with some other bridesmaid, but other than that, I was not expected to organize anything at all. This nonsense of bridesmaids being expected to chip in for massive showers and expensive bachelorette party getaways with limos and whatnot – just completely out of my range of experience. And the ones who are expected to do all this DIY stuff for the bride? Whatever. I have helped put birdseed onto little tulle circles and tie it up with ribbon. And that was because I happened to be in town early enough that I could volunteer to help with something. Now it looks like bridesmaids are combination slave labor and financial backers. No way would I ever agree to anything of the kind.
For my part, I will have one bridesmaid, my bff who lives 10 hours away. She is showing up two days before the wedding. I bought her dress for $50 on clearance. I hope she’ll make it to the Girls’ Night Out, but she may be too tired after travelling. I expect her to: wear the dress and be in some pictures and hand the preacher the ring. I really hope this is fun for her.
Post # 4
I’ve had good times and bad. At one, we were required to be there at ten in the morning, but the wedding wasn’t until two, and then the reception eclipsed dinner. There was no food! Seriously, if you do end up having bridesmaids, make sure there’s food available!
For both my best friend’s wedding and my sister’s wedding, though, I had a blast! I loved getting to spend more time during the day with them and getting to help out with things leading up to the wedding. I think the big difference is that you really need to be close to the bride to enjoy being a bridesmaid. Oh—and you shouldn’t ever have to serve as the waitstaff, no longer how close you are!!!
Post # 5
I have been a bridesmaid 4 times and I honestly love it! I really like being a art of the wedding party and helping out if I can. Also- I always know going in that it will cost me $$ and that I will most likely never wear the outfit again, so my expectations in that regard remain low.
Post # 6
I’ve been a bridesmaid twice. The first time was eh. I didn’t really have to do any bridesmaid “duties” at the wedding or anything and I paid a whopping $60 for my dress. The second time was for my college roommate and I loved it! I didn’t get to go to the bachelorette or shower due to financial reasons (had just graduated college and had no job) but still the whole experience was great. I went dress shopping with the bride for her dress and our dresses and then the days leading up to the wedding and at the wedding were so much fun!
I would be pretty peeved if I had to act as a waitress though.
Post # 7
Absolutely! I enjoyed being a bridesmaid in each wedding that I was in but then again, I love weddings. One of my experiences was kind of “meh” but that was because of my own selfish feelings and had nothing to do with the couple or what was expected of me as a ‘maid. Our friends (who we set up around 4 years into our relationship) got engaged after 6 months of dating and I didn’t take it well. I thought that it should have been us marrying and not them so I let those feelings get the best of me. I still really enjoyed being a bridesmaid in that wedding even though it was tough at times.
My friends are all really laid back and couldn’t be farther from ‘zillas. The only member of our group that ran the risk of going over to the dark side was me (I’m a control freak) but I kept my cool pretty much the whole time. If any of my friends would have been super high maintenance and demanding then I probably would have had some very different experiences.
Post # 8
My bridesmaid experiences have been very different from yours. I did have to shell out some cash but I was treated like a guest and a best friend. I was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding in Chicago this past August. It was tricky because I’d just started a new teaching job but I went anyway. I had to take off a Thursday and Friday (the wedding was a Thursday night). I bought a dress, had to get the dress altered and fixed up and the flight. The bride paid for my hair and I had a really good time at the wedding. The only part I slightly regret is that I shouldn’t have stayed for the whole weeked, I should’ve just flown home on Friday.
Post # 9
I really think it depends on the bride – but my experiences thus far (3) have all been wonderful. I went to Jamaica for a DW as the MoH and had to pay out the wazoo for flight and accommodations, but I couldn’t have felt more special or more a part of the whole planning process and wedding weekend. I’ve also done the more traditional wedding route where the cost was far more minimal and I really just had to show up at the big events (shower, bachelorette, wedding day) but I still ended up feeling really special.
It’s all about the person who asks you and how they choose to treat you! I hope my lovely ladies all appreciate being a part of everything…I haven’t asked them to help on much of anything and my Mom and sister are throwing the shower so they don’t have to pay for that. The only thing they are planning is the bachelorette and I’m sure it will be nothing less than amazing! 🙂
Post # 10
I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times. Once was for my sister and I paid for nothing and only had to show up the day of the wedding and for a few fittings. I was away at school at the time so she didn’t expect much from me. This was an enjoyable experience because al I had to do was show up wearing a pretty dress.
The second time was for a shot gun wedding. Horrible, cheap dresses that could not be worn again, but overall it was a fun experience. The bride was pregnant though so we couldn’t even do a proper bachelorett party (we were all newly 21 so we wanted to drink! lol!).
The third time would be my last time unless my younger sister gets married and wants me in her bridal party. The whole experience just sucked! I was the fattest one of all her bridesmaids yet she insisted on putting me in this horible, ill-fitting Amsale gown that only looked good on people size 4 and under. The dress cost me $450+ alterations (still not happy about that one). AND she made me buy these horribly painful 5 inch heel sandals. I spent that entire year being at the bride’s beck and call and what I got for my trouble was some tacky costume jewelry I could never wear again because it made me break out. She hasn’t even called me to ask how MY wedding plans are going.
Anyhoo, being a BM sucks.
Post # 11
I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and am currently the MOH for my sister and I’ve had a great time every time.
But I avoid being friends with people who bring about drama so that probably helps matters. 🙂
Post # 12
@Mrs.KMM: hahaha maybe that’s what i’m doing wrong – friends and in a family with people who love drama!
Really the weddings have been great – just all the added BM stuff has put a downer on things for me personally… like at the second wedding because i was a bridesmaid I didn’t get to sit with my partner (of almost 5 years) and he didn’t know anyone so that sucked for both of us..
@jo.lee: try 7am for a 2:30pm ceremony… BOR-RING – i ended up reading the paper… I think it would have been ok if I was actually helping on something – or if there was some loud music on and something to drink – but i was just sitting there waiting for other girls hair to be done…
Well i’m glad i’m not the only one…
and i’m still convinced i definitely don’t want any bridesmaids – I can hire people to pour the champagne!! the girls can come round in the morning for brunch and champagne and watch girlie movies while we do our nails, hair and make-up together…
Post # 13
No, it was a mistake to say yes given the drama in our history. We’re not friends anymore — being her bridesmaid was the straw that broke this camels back. And, no I didn’t go through with it. I’d only be a bridesmaid for family and certain friends who are drama free and just chill like me.
Post # 14
For the most part, I really do enjoy it. But there are aspects of each wedding I have been a BM in that will always annoy me:
Pros: Being with the Bride thru the entire process (near or far), getting to know other friends/family more intimately, since as a BM you are around for a lot. Sharing the day with the couple via photos/transportation/etc. Getting a drink quicker at the bar bc you are wearing the same dress as 5-8 other gals (:)). Being pampered by the bride (in all the weddings I have been in, they have gifted mani/pedis/hair/make-up, etc.) The need to travel to new cities, see new things, and see different aspects of each wedding up close and peronal. Feeling ‘special’ enough to a close friend that they have asked you to stand and witness their marriage!!
Cons: The continual rising costs of being in a wedding – bigger parties, expensive dresses/shoes, alterations, etc. Planning, potentially, the shower/bachelorette party with 5-8 to other gals, all of whom have an opinion on what they want to do, or how much they can and will spend (and the opinions always seem to extremely differ, and then it can become a nightmare to figure it all out). The cost of traveling to different cities. The nerves of walking down the aisle (bc I always get them!!).
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I’ve been a MoH twice and a MB twice, and I have a great time all four times. I loved all my experiences. I love sharing in the bride’s day and halping her with planning and decisions. I’ve always had reasonable brides.
Post # 16
I have been in a few weddings and I always enjoyed it.