(Closed) Have you lost any relationships now that the wedding is over?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8001 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

It depends what the mistakes people have made are. But yes, one person in particular has driven me insane throughout my whole wedding process. This person has moaned about the food, the drink, the seating plan, the outfit choices, the logistics… the list goes on. They’ve been a real hinderance to getting anything done.

Unless they improve, I’m going to start keeping my distance when this is all over, because I feel like I’ve helped them out a LOT over the years, and I’ve got nothing but grief in return.

Post # 4
Member
7168 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

My cousin got stupid drunk at my wedding and a few family memebrs had to haul him out (luckily before anyone noticed).  I am mad at him for not controlling himself and for making it necessary for making the other family members miss the rest of the reception.  Our relationship was rocky before that, but now I am done with him.  Relationship over.  And he is not just young and dumb- he is 44.

Post # 5
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@imanw:  WOW! You are SO in my head.  That’s how I am feeling.  A lot of friendships will be changed after this wedding.  I have a large bridal party.  8 BMs and 3 hostesses.  Only 3 people have offered to help but there isn’t much they can do because they are not local.  My local BM’s could care less.

I do event styling as a home based business and the minute everyone else has a life event, I am the FIRST person thats called to put something together. 

I am hurt deep down and it’s becoming very hard NOT to show it.  I wish I had some advice for you , but I am strugging with the same.

Post # 6
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not married yet but one of my ex-BM’s is no longer my friend. Since I got engaged she’s been MIA. When I finally contacted her and told her things wouldn’t work out, she admitted she didn’t want to be a BM anymore and thought if she waited things out eventually I would bring up the subject of her not being a part of it anymore. Nice. I don’t plan on keeping the contact anymore. She put me through a lot of stress because she was too chicken to be honest with me.

 

Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MissKit:  I feel similarly to you…One of my potential BMs was a great friend but I haven’t talked to her since march before the engagement, and I got home and she didn’t make an effort to see me.

I am at a loss.

Post # 8
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I had one friend out of all the friends I texted with the “we’re engaged!” photo never reply, nor has she mentioned it or liked any of my facebook statuses that are wedding related (I post very very few).

Another friend I care not to speak to anymore since she gave her not so welcome b**chy advice over what my Fi and I should wear for the wedding.  Wtf?  She and I have been growing apart anyway and I really doubt I’ll ever see her again.  Sad but oh well…

Post # 9
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Unfortunately, yes and it was one of my bridesmaids. She is pregnant and demanded a $400 stroller as her baby shower gift from DH and I. I had no issues buying her a stroller, just not a freaking $400 one! She became all upset and stated that she never said a word about the $200 she spent to be in my wedding, but when she needs me, I flaked. Um, how so? Anyway, she went on this big rant on FB about knowing who your “real” friends are and then blocked me. So yea, I haven’t spoken to her since April, which A-ok by me. Any “friend” who doesn’t understand that I don’t have $400 to spend on a stroller and rejects me from her life because of it, is not a friend that I need. Good riddance I say.

ETA: I found out from a mutual friend that she purchased her own stroller, but guess what? It was a $200 stroller that was very similiar to the one she just HAD TO HAVE but didn’t want to spend her own money on.

 

Post # 10
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

OKay! So, I am not married yet (59 days to go…WOO HOO!), But it is easy to think we are alone in these situations. Women never cease to amaze me! Especially “close friends and family”. Remember the days before any of us were engaged and would talk about the day with your girls and you’d get the typical “OMG! we’re sooo gonna celebrate! and we’ll do this and that” and “Let me know if you need ANY help!!!”… Fast forward to the day you get engaged and the wedding planning process… How quickly things change!!!! I get it…no one will be as excited about your wedding day as you will, but when I was single and even seriously dating…we were supported everyone around us (when we could).  It’s the bitchy, catty BS I can’t stand… the gossiping behind your back.. the whispering about wedding budget and where you got for bachelorette and who should be in your wedding and who should not… How about the notion that every other person besides the bride and groom has TWO CHOICES; 1) ATTEND 2) DONT ATTEND!… period… 

I have completely cut one of family member in particular and have become guarded of a few others… You just know when you know when someone is genuinely happy for you!! At the end of the day, jealousy seeps out like toxins and who needs it! I wont go into specifics, because at the end of the day these things come down to the same thing… bullshit and jealousy!

I have a saying now-a-days… “Bitch, Dont Kill My Vibe” (song my Kendrick Lamar, rapper)

So, CHEERS TO ALL YOU LOVELY BRIDES, AND BRIDE-TO-BE’S!!! It’s not worth… bask in all your bridal bliss and let them wallow by the wayside…

WOO-SAH Kiss

Post # 11
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

My super Catholic grandmother accosted our officiant before the ceremony and used the word Sham or Shame (reports differ) regarding my wedding,  (not being in a catholic church, full mass, him not being a priest? who knows about what).  I was told about it right before I walked down the aisle.  I am SO annoyed with her, she always has to create drama and other cousins have not invited her to weddings precisely because of this.  It in no way ruined my day, but I have no desire to be anywhere near her.  I miss grandpa though.  and she thinks its DH who is mad at her because they forgot to bring him to the church from the hotel like they were supposed to.  Even THAT didn’t ruin our day, (OK maybe I had a small stress throw-up) I understand accidents happen.   but yeah, i’m done with that relationship.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yup, been there, done that.

Little things, I got over. 

My SIL throwing a fit at our rehearsal and then again at the reception? Still pissed about. 

When I think about my wedding, its all good memories but I will never forget the crap she and my MIL pulled, ESPECIALLY the week of the wedding.

i try to be the bigger person when I see them now but I think about future things, like when we have kids and honestly, karma is a bitch and i won’t forget their selfish BS.

Post # 13
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I didn’t lose any friend as a result of the wedding, but SINCE the wedding have did grow apart from certain friends.  Mostly because of distance and not communicating as often.

Post # 14
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mrs_pudding_pop:  I too had this happen exactly. She waited about 3 hours to respond, when I know she is connected to her phone like an umbilical cord. I normally don’t expect instant responses but that one really hurt. She claimed she was at dinner with friends…at 10om at night. Once she responded, she said she would call me. That call never came.

About 3 weeks before when FI purchased the ring, she was one of the first I called out of pure excitement. I mean…that’s what you do with your BFF’s, right? She never returned that call.

Then, instead of posting a simple response of “Congratulations” or something along those lines, she posted in response to our status change: “Yay! You’re grown up now!”. Because I suppose she thought I wasn’t an adult before? That one still puzzles me.

 

And then when I tried to maturely discuss all of this, she claimed all I ever talked about was my wedding…a wedding we hadn’t even started planning to someone that never returned my calls? Makes sense!

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Ohhh yeah. I had a big, long thread about it.

 

 

 

Long story (somewhat) short – I had two friends, “Adam” and “Jason,” (I think I used different aliases in my thread so long ago – heh heh heh). They were dating. I’d known Adam since I was 9, became friends at 17 and had been friends for several years. Before I got engaged, he was anti-wedding. Then, when I got engaged, suddenly he wanted to talk about how he couldn’t want to get married and what he would do for a wedding. My husband and I wanted a friend to marry us, Jason offered, we paid him (stupid, stupid, stupid) and told him we just wanted to read a selection we picked, and that was it.

 

There was nothing wrong with the vows that we picked. It had a slightly more freeform style, and some sentences began with ‘and’. Actually, we received a lot of compliments – a few acquaintances asked us where we had gotten it. Jason went into drama mode and started complaining about how it was awful, it was incorrect, he couldn’t read it, and ended up insulting my writing ability (he assumed I had written it). He had a 5 minute meltdown. Adam made a half-hearted attempt to shut him up.

 

Jason never backed down from his position. I tried to work with him at first, but he never made an attempt to apologize for his behavior, and told me he was going to make my wedding “professional” and “solemn.” He never asked us what we wanted and kept trying to push us to have a longer ceremony. Adam played dumb and would frequently ask me if I was “upset about something.” I found that so incredibly disrespectful and hurtful, because the look on his face that night was *obvious*.

 

We didn’t talk for weeks leading up to the wedding (he made sure to send in his RSVP quick, though. I think he wanted to make sure he got a free meal/drinks). Then, the week of the wedding, he started sending me a bunch of texts related to it. I think he was feeling it out and trying to see if I was going to tell him he couldn’t come. I very much wanted to, but dropped it.

 

They came to the wedding, didn’t even get us a card. Didn’t even offer to repay the money after Jason was politely fired and we went with my brother instead. They made out like bandits on our wedding day. A few days later, Adam texted me to tell me what a ‘great’ time he had and then asked me for a relative’s phone number. I never spoke to him again. It’s been almost 11 weeks.

 

You know, I don’t regret it at all. Adam and Jason were both very haughty, superior people who felt the need to put others down to boost themselves up (Neither work; Jason’s been living off of unemployment and other assistance for 5 years).

 

I’d also noticed in the past that Jason liked to confront people and had a stubborn “I’m always right” kind of attitude. He couldn’t concede at all. I remember how angry he was when I mentioned to Adam that a 4 -5 ounce glass of wine can have 90 – 130 calories, and he demanded to know where I had gotten my “facts.” lololol

 

I have been so much happier since they’ve been out of my life. Weddings can cause bad things, but you know what? Sometimes it forces problems to the surface. In our case, Adam and I had no business being friends. He was incredibly insecure, had a fake superiority complex, and loved tearing people down (me included). I put up with so much crap from him. He’d insult my looks, my educational achievements (jealousy – he dropped out of school), anything.

 

The hardest part, though, was that we got our wedding video last week. Adam and Jason are clearly on camera. As soon as the vows start, Jason leans into Adam to whisper something, and Adam starts laughing. They continue to talk through the entire ceremony. Good riddance. If Adam ever contacts me again, I will politely but honestly tell him every reason why our friendship is over.

 

 

 

OP, in your case – it would really depend on how often other things like this have happened to you in the past. As much as it sucks, if this is the *only* time you’ve noticed selfishness, I would suck it up and go ahead. But if it continues into the future, by all means address it. “It really hurts me that you didn’t help me with (x).” Sometimes, people are so oblivious that they really are unaware of how they’re behaving.

 

Post # 16
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@CookieCreamCakes:  Umm, is he aware EVERY woman knows the caloric count of wine… Especially during the wedding season! hahahah! Sorry for your experience, but after reading how all these brides have been treated all we can do is laugh at others shenanigans! In the end, we have our husbands/husbands-to-be! 

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