Ohhh yeah. I had a big, long thread about it.
Long story (somewhat) short – I had two friends, “Adam” and “Jason,” (I think I used different aliases in my thread so long ago – heh heh heh). They were dating. I’d known Adam since I was 9, became friends at 17 and had been friends for several years. Before I got engaged, he was anti-wedding. Then, when I got engaged, suddenly he wanted to talk about how he couldn’t want to get married and what he would do for a wedding. My husband and I wanted a friend to marry us, Jason offered, we paid him (stupid, stupid, stupid) and told him we just wanted to read a selection we picked, and that was it.
There was nothing wrong with the vows that we picked. It had a slightly more freeform style, and some sentences began with ‘and’. Actually, we received a lot of compliments – a few acquaintances asked us where we had gotten it. Jason went into drama mode and started complaining about how it was awful, it was incorrect, he couldn’t read it, and ended up insulting my writing ability (he assumed I had written it). He had a 5 minute meltdown. Adam made a half-hearted attempt to shut him up.
Jason never backed down from his position. I tried to work with him at first, but he never made an attempt to apologize for his behavior, and told me he was going to make my wedding “professional” and “solemn.” He never asked us what we wanted and kept trying to push us to have a longer ceremony. Adam played dumb and would frequently ask me if I was “upset about something.” I found that so incredibly disrespectful and hurtful, because the look on his face that night was *obvious*.
We didn’t talk for weeks leading up to the wedding (he made sure to send in his RSVP quick, though. I think he wanted to make sure he got a free meal/drinks). Then, the week of the wedding, he started sending me a bunch of texts related to it. I think he was feeling it out and trying to see if I was going to tell him he couldn’t come. I very much wanted to, but dropped it.
They came to the wedding, didn’t even get us a card. Didn’t even offer to repay the money after Jason was politely fired and we went with my brother instead. They made out like bandits on our wedding day. A few days later, Adam texted me to tell me what a ‘great’ time he had and then asked me for a relative’s phone number. I never spoke to him again. It’s been almost 11 weeks.
You know, I don’t regret it at all. Adam and Jason were both very haughty, superior people who felt the need to put others down to boost themselves up (Neither work; Jason’s been living off of unemployment and other assistance for 5 years).
I’d also noticed in the past that Jason liked to confront people and had a stubborn “I’m always right” kind of attitude. He couldn’t concede at all. I remember how angry he was when I mentioned to Adam that a 4 -5 ounce glass of wine can have 90 – 130 calories, and he demanded to know where I had gotten my “facts.” lololol
I have been so much happier since they’ve been out of my life. Weddings can cause bad things, but you know what? Sometimes it forces problems to the surface. In our case, Adam and I had no business being friends. He was incredibly insecure, had a fake superiority complex, and loved tearing people down (me included). I put up with so much crap from him. He’d insult my looks, my educational achievements (jealousy – he dropped out of school), anything.
The hardest part, though, was that we got our wedding video last week. Adam and Jason are clearly on camera. As soon as the vows start, Jason leans into Adam to whisper something, and Adam starts laughing. They continue to talk through the entire ceremony. Good riddance. If Adam ever contacts me again, I will politely but honestly tell him every reason why our friendship is over.
OP, in your case – it would really depend on how often other things like this have happened to you in the past. As much as it sucks, if this is the *only* time you’ve noticed selfishness, I would suck it up and go ahead. But if it continues into the future, by all means address it. “It really hurts me that you didn’t help me with (x).” Sometimes, people are so oblivious that they really are unaware of how they’re behaving.