- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I feel bad for anyone who has this kind of drama. It's just not needed. I didn't have any drama with mine. It might have helped that I didn't expect much from them.
I would just suggest to try to figure out where the weirdness is coming from. Lots of feelings swirl during weddings. Jealousy, fear, $$ stress. People are just not themselves...
@Tanya123 -
For a little background - we've been friends since we were like....14 (we're both 24 now), went to high school together...then after high school, I went to college and she ended up getting pregnant (long-term boyfriend) and then they got married after the baby was born.
I was a BM in her wedding, and it was a very small-town simple wedding (local church ceremony, typical Etta James and Faith Hill/Tim McGraw sogns, reception in the church basement, etc. etc.)
Anyway, we've stayed friends over the years, but do go through stages where we just don't talk much for whateve reason.
Well, since the wedding planning has started...she has been really difficult. It started otu alright, with some input and advice here and there, but that soon turned into outright criticisms of my ideas and choices for the wedding....she doesn't like the dress I picked (black cocktail dress...yeah), she didn't want to wear colored shoes, doesn't like the music I've picked out, yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda.
Anyway- she has a very outgoing, opinionated personality- she always has. It's a very "look at me", "I get my way or the highway" kind of thing...
So, it is kinda one of those cases where...you've been friends with someone so long, and you were in their wedding, that you kinda feel obligated to let them be in yours.
While it's easy right now to just turn the other cheek and ignore her behavior now (we live a few hours away from each other), I'm very worried about how things will turn out on the actual day of...
I'm going to call her (again) today and see if I can get in touch with her. If anyone has any advice, I'd really really appreciate it.
I'm horrible with confrontations, so I'm a little worried that if I CAN get her on the phone, I'll freeze up and not really say anything to her about all this.
I wouldn't demote her unless you're prepared to no longer be friends. I understand your concerns for day of, though. Is there another bridesmaid or MOH you could explain the situation to and ask to deflect any criticisms from the problem BM on the wedding day?
Have you tried searching the boards? I think that a boards search might help you. It seems that a lot of posters have had problems with their bridesmaids.
Good luck!
I have one BM who was in the same degree program as me, but was in an excellerated track, so she graduated 9 months before me. Since she graduated (7 months ago), I have been pretty much unable to get in contact with her. I have tried e-mail, facebook message, text message, and about a million phone calls. She has called me back one time in the last 3 months. I happened to call her 3 days in a row, because I found details out about 3 different things. The last one, I left a message saying that I needed to hear back from her as soon as possible, and I got a text about 5 minutes later. Ever since that incident, I've been debating on asking her if she just wanted out... I still don't know what to do.
One of my BM's wrote me an email stating that due to the economy that she would not be able to be a BM. Also, that she did not have time to be one, which was fine with me and I totally understood. So now I will be short 2 BM's compared to Mr.FF's groomsmen, which doesn't bother Mr. FF or me. I really only want my closest friends up there not just a stand in.
@amandaR- yeah my MOH has said that she'd handle things if problem BM started anything on the day of...my thing is that...if she really doesn't want to be a BM, which is how she's been acting, then why should I keep her around and spend all this money on her if she doesn't even want to be there?
What a tough situation--I'm so sorry!
Mine was a loss. One of my BMs lost her job in Dec and had to drop out for financial reasons. She just started a new job a couple weeks ago, so I'm hoping she can still at least come to the wedding, even though she is no longer in it.
You should never feel obligated to have someone in YOUR wedding!! No ands, or, buts about it.
Also, you'll want to surround yourself with happy and supportive friends who will go out of their way to make sure you have the best day of your life.
I think either way, this experience will do something to your relationship. It's either put up with her and not like her for the way she is towards your wedding, or say/explain to her why you feel like she doesn't want to be your bm.
I think it's best for you to express yourself, just get it out, and then you can breathe and go on planning!!
I had someone leave...she accepted a job overseas. It didn't bother me as much because I had a feeling from the beginning she would not be sticking around.
As for your friend, I agree with amandaR...If you plan on kicking her out, be prepared to lose her as a friend. I wrestled with this decision with my own MOH, and eventually decided it would be less stressful for me to just put up with her, subtly let the other bridesmaids know they may need to step in when necessary, and let it go. So, you have to weigh the pros and cons.
I'm so sorry for your BM troubles. To answer your original question, I almost lost a BM during my wedding and now I just wish that I had asked her to leave...and that person is my sister. We no longer talk and I plan on never talking to her again. It might sound sad or mean, but there have been MANY different things leading up to this.
Ultimately in your situation, it is your decision with what you do with her. You should know, though, that you shouldn't have someone in your wedding party out of obligation. Have you talked to your friend about any of these issues and let her know that she is making you frustrated and uncomfortable?
Well, we talked briefly today, and unfortuneately I never really got around to talking about this stuff. But, one of the first few things she wanted to talk about was the wedding - when things were, etc. etc.
She started a new job like...4 months ago, and I know she's been working her tail off and working insane hours...and she also has a 6 year old son, as well as a very sick grandmother she lives next-door to that she has to pretty much take care of.
So, I'm thinking that for now, I'll kinda let the things she's done in the past slide. If she does/says anything again, then I'll bring it up. I know she's having a hard time right now so I don't want to just spring this on her out of the blue I guess.
I think when I do bring it up, I'll just let her know that on the actual day, I need her to tone it down a notch...and be there for me.
Oh my goodness! I think that all of Atlanta could hear me and my mother when we went into Davids Bridal to shop for bridesmaids dresses. My mother guilted me into having my sisters be bridesmaids (after I already had 3) SO... the trip to DB consisted of my 5 attenents, my mother, 2 grandmothers, my FMIL and her mother.
My sisters (16 and 18) pitched a fit, they didn't like anything I picked for them to wear. After about and hour of fighting (my mom was on their side, despite my reminders that it was MY wedding), I finally just said "I didn't even want you in the wedding, I was forced"
I know it was harsh, but I also knew that it would get their attention and make them shutup! (you have to understand that both my sisters were being rude to myself and my original bridesmaids ALL day long) Needless to say, when they found out I was forced to have them in my wedding, they didn't want to be in it I think I knew that would happen, which is prob. why I said it. I love my sisters, but can't deal with their attitudes in my wedding.
IMG_0769.JPG (3006 KB, 43 downloads) 1 year old IMG_0768.JPG (2670.8 KB, 32 downloads) 1 year old
@ Miss. Coca Cola- Eeep, that doesn't sound like fun. I only have one older brother so I can't really sympathize with the whole sister drama thing...
I actually really wished I had a sister when I was trying to pick a MOH haha...I had 2 friends in the party I REALLY didn't want to pick between and was like- ugh, why can't I just have a sister? Nobody can get mad at you when you pick your sister as MOH, lol
You mentioned her complaining about the dress and shoes. I don't know about the music (maybe it's coming out of frustration from the other stuff). But as for her attire, I can kind of understand where Bms come from when they get bent out of shape over wearing something they don't want. I certainly think BMs need to be fairly open minded, and understanding about the bride's wishes. But from the BMs standpoint, if they are wearing something that they hate (just told, no input) and have to pay for it to boot.... Did you ask them for opinions, so they feel like they have a say? I was one to want my girls wearing the same dress. (God bless the brides who say pick out your own, just make it X color.) But I made sure we picked out the dresses together.
I have a hard time finding too much wrong with a LBD, but to each her own. Whether or not this stemmed from the dress or if just one of many issues, I don't know. If she seems to have leveled out, perhaps the attitude was really about something else, and unfortunately was taken out on you. (As in, she felt a lot of stress and putting in time for your wedding seemed like an extra burden she didnt need at the moment.) Hopefully it's passed. Good luck.
@Tanya123
Oh, I asked for their input..a LOT. lol Probably too much to be completely honest. I went on two trips to look at BM dresses with this particular BM, and a third trip with my MOH. I e-mailed ideas to all of them for a good 2 months or so, and even sent out a survey asking general questions like- Straps or no straps, long or short, etc. etc.
I actually put more time and effort into finding their dress than I did my own! haha
My first guess is this girl is a little jealous. Maybe she didn't get what she wanted for her wedding so she's attacking all the great things in yours... Just goes to show you that some people are never satisfied. Bottom line is, do you want her out or not? I'd call and just ask her if she is really looking to get out of this. She may do you a favor and say yes. No one deserves drama or stress like that.
My FH's sister told us that she is pregnant and her due date is the day before the wedding. Usually this would be an amazing blessing but unfortunately due to the circumstances it is not. SIL had to move back home, she was kicked out of her apartment, the baby's father is in jail again. Its just a laundry list! I am afraid that since the baby father is out of jail they are "secretly" seeing each other and he will not let their other child (our nephew/godson) be in our wedding becuase he is not welcomed anywhere near me.
One of mine is going through a divorce, and I'm not so sure if it's good for her or me to have her have to be in the wedding... We're going to have to confront some tough issues together. I'm sure the story will unfold more.
I think any time you get a group of girlfriends together, there's bound to be stuff that comes up...
Hugs I totally know how you feel. I started out having 2 maid of honors two of my best friends of 10 years. This one girl we have shared everyting talked about are wedding when we where younger what they would be like and so fourth. Now im getting married and she is never there I had to demote her because it wasn't fair to my other friend doing all the work. She told me all we ever talk about is the weddign and i get tired ofit. Well anyone whoes anyone knows that this wedding is one of the biggest things in my life. I lost my mom in jan and my job so this wedding keeps my mind off of the sad things. The one perosn i thought would be bye myside all these years and thrilled to death to help me plain and do things has turned out being the worst bridesmaid. I demoted to bm. Then she asked me a day before dress shopping if i could buy her dress because she spent all her money. Me i don't have a job and she does and the dress in only 50. That night before we went dress shopping she told me she had the money thankfully .Then she bailed the day to getthe dresses because she coudlnt miss play practice so i told her i better get the money or that it and she gave it. Now her dress is to short and im having to run around and try to do all these things to fix her dress for a person who dosn't want to do one thing for me. I told her in fact im keeping the dresses im not just hers i don't know if she is going to be in the wedding or not come june in fact i wouldnt be suprised if she called me and dropped out.. I love her to death and have tried to mend are friendship but a friendship can't be mended when its oneside. I know she is not jelious because she is planning on getting engaged soon. Its just sad and frustrating ;/
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
So, I'm having (and have BEEN having) issues/drama with one of my bridesmaids almost from the start. Basically she is being a bridesmaid-zilla, attempting to make everything about her - what she wants to wear, what kind of music is being played, the colors, the food, etc. etc. etc.
ANYWAY, I could write for pages about everything, but, I won't. lol
SO, I would like to hear any stories that any of you have about difficult bridesmaids, what you did to solve the problem, and if they were either removed from the wedding party or left on their own accord...maybe reading the stories of others will help me clarify things a bit.
Anddddd GO!
:)