Post # 1
So, I’m having (and have BEEN having) issues/drama with one of my bridesmaids almost from the start. Basically she is being a bridesmaid-zilla, attempting to make everything about her – what she wants to wear, what kind of music is being played, the colors, the food, etc. etc. etc.
ANYWAY, I could write for pages about everything, but, I won’t. lol
SO, I would like to hear any stories that any of you have about difficult bridesmaids, what you did to solve the problem, and if they were either removed from the wedding party or left on their own accord…maybe reading the stories of others will help me clarify things a bit.
Post # 3
I feel bad for anyone who has this kind of drama. It’s just not needed. I didn’t have any drama with mine. It might have helped that I didn’t expect much from them.
I would just suggest to try to figure out where the weirdness is coming from. Lots of feelings swirl during weddings. Jealousy, fear, $$ stress. People are just not themselves…
Post # 4
For a little background – we’ve been friends since we were like….14 (we’re both 24 now), went to high school together…then after high school, I went to college and she ended up getting pregnant (long-term boyfriend) and then they got married after the baby was born.
I was a BM in her wedding, and it was a very small-town simple wedding (local church ceremony, typical Etta James and Faith Hill/Tim McGraw sogns, reception in the church basement, etc. etc.)
Anyway, we’ve stayed friends over the years, but do go through stages where we just don’t talk much for whateve reason.
Well, since the wedding planning has started…she has been really difficult. It started otu alright, with some input and advice here and there, but that soon turned into outright criticisms of my ideas and choices for the wedding….she doesn’t like the dress I picked (black cocktail dress…yeah), she didn’t want to wear colored shoes, doesn’t like the music I’ve picked out, yadda yadda yadda yadda yadda.
Anyway- she has a very outgoing, opinionated personality- she always has. It’s a very "look at me", "I get my way or the highway" kind of thing…
So, it is kinda one of those cases where…you’ve been friends with someone so long, and you were in their wedding, that you kinda feel obligated to let them be in yours.
While it’s easy right now to just turn the other cheek and ignore her behavior now (we live a few hours away from each other), I’m very worried about how things will turn out on the actual day of…
Post # 5
Hmm….guess I’m alone in this type of situation? lol…
Post # 6
I’m going to call her (again) today and see if I can get in touch with her. If anyone has any advice, I’d really really appreciate it.
I’m horrible with confrontations, so I’m a little worried that if I CAN get her on the phone, I’ll freeze up and not really say anything to her about all this.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t demote her unless you’re prepared to no longer be friends. I understand your concerns for day of, though. Is there another bridesmaid or MOH you could explain the situation to and ask to deflect any criticisms from the problem BM on the wedding day?
Have you tried searching the boards? I think that a boards search might help you. It seems that a lot of posters have had problems with their bridesmaids.
Post # 8
I have one BM who was in the same degree program as me, but was in an excellerated track, so she graduated 9 months before me. Since she graduated (7 months ago), I have been pretty much unable to get in contact with her. I have tried e-mail, facebook message, text message, and about a million phone calls. She has called me back one time in the last 3 months. I happened to call her 3 days in a row, because I found details out about 3 different things. The last one, I left a message saying that I needed to hear back from her as soon as possible, and I got a text about 5 minutes later. Ever since that incident, I’ve been debating on asking her if she just wanted out… I still don’t know what to do.
Post # 9
One of my BM’s wrote me an email stating that due to the economy that she would not be able to be a BM. Also, that she did not have time to be one, which was fine with me and I totally understood. So now I will be short 2 BM’s compared to Mr.FF’s groomsmen, which doesn’t bother Mr. FF or me. I really only want my closest friends up there not just a stand in.
Post # 10
@amandaR- yeah my MOH has said that she’d handle things if problem BM started anything on the day of…my thing is that…if she really doesn’t want to be a BM, which is how she’s been acting, then why should I keep her around and spend all this money on her if she doesn’t even want to be there?
Post # 11
What a tough situation–I’m so sorry!
Mine was a loss. One of my BMs lost her job in Dec and had to drop out for financial reasons. She just started a new job a couple weeks ago, so I’m hoping she can still at least come to the wedding, even though she is no longer in it.
Post # 12
You should never feel obligated to have someone in YOUR wedding!! No ands, or, buts about it.
Also, you’ll want to surround yourself with happy and supportive friends who will go out of their way to make sure you have the best day of your life.
I think either way, this experience will do something to your relationship. It’s either put up with her and not like her for the way she is towards your wedding, or say/explain to her why you feel like she doesn’t want to be your bm.
I think it’s best for you to express yourself, just get it out, and then you can breathe and go on planning!!
Post # 13
I had someone leave…she accepted a job overseas. It didn’t bother me as much because I had a feeling from the beginning she would not be sticking around.
As for your friend, I agree with amandaR…If you plan on kicking her out, be prepared to lose her as a friend. I wrestled with this decision with my own MOH, and eventually decided it would be less stressful for me to just put up with her, subtly let the other bridesmaids know they may need to step in when necessary, and let it go. So, you have to weigh the pros and cons.
Post # 14
I’m so sorry for your BM troubles. To answer your original question, I almost lost a BM during my wedding and now I just wish that I had asked her to leave…and that person is my sister. We no longer talk and I plan on never talking to her again. It might sound sad or mean, but there have been MANY different things leading up to this.
Ultimately in your situation, it is your decision with what you do with her. You should know, though, that you shouldn’t have someone in your wedding party out of obligation. Have you talked to your friend about any of these issues and let her know that she is making you frustrated and uncomfortable?
Post # 15
Well, we talked briefly today, and unfortuneately I never really got around to talking about this stuff. But, one of the first few things she wanted to talk about was the wedding – when things were, etc. etc.
She started a new job like…4 months ago, and I know she’s been working her tail off and working insane hours…and she also has a 6 year old son, as well as a very sick grandmother she lives next-door to that she has to pretty much take care of.
So, I’m thinking that for now, I’ll kinda let the things she’s done in the past slide. If she does/says anything again, then I’ll bring it up. I know she’s having a hard time right now so I don’t want to just spring this on her out of the blue I guess.
I think when I do bring it up, I’ll just let her know that on the actual day, I need her to tone it down a notch…and be there for me.
Post # 16
Oh my goodness! I think that all of Atlanta could hear me and my mother when we went into Davids Bridal to shop for bridesmaids dresses. My mother guilted me into having my sisters be bridesmaids (after I already had 3) SO… the trip to DB consisted of my 5 attenents, my mother, 2 grandmothers, my FMIL and her mother.
My sisters (16 and 18) pitched a fit, they didn’t like anything I picked for them to wear. After about and hour of fighting (my mom was on their side, despite my reminders that it was MY wedding), I finally just said "I didn’t even want you in the wedding, I was forced"
I know it was harsh, but I also knew that it would get their attention and make them shutup! (you have to understand that both my sisters were being rude to myself and my original bridesmaids ALL day long) Needless to say, when they found out I was forced to have them in my wedding, they didn’t want to be in it I think I knew that would happen, which is prob. why I said it. I love my sisters, but can’t deal with their attitudes in my wedding.