Post # 1
I read ALOT of threads on the Bee when I cant sleep at night or when Im waiting for dinner to cook, and I always see some vents.
For the married Bees, did you ever regret a choice you made in your wedding party? I know some people are flaky, I actually have a friend who has been so flaky and casting me aside in the past few years she will DEFINATELY not be in my wedding party. And there is always thinking to do, cause it is set in stone once you ask right?
I have also seen quite frequently that alot of Bees wished they would have picked a different MOH=making the original Maid/Matron of Honor a Bridesmaid or Best Man and a ‘regular’ Bridesmaid or Best Man the Maid/Matron of Honor
Post # 3
@Liss13: Well, while we’d like to think things are set in stone once a Bridesmaid or Best Man is asked, that isn’t always necessarily the case. For me, I’d asked a friend if she would be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she was offended that I didn’t take her out somewhere special just us and ask her with a big production. While I would’ve liked to have done so, I was in town briefly, and unexpectedly, and was lucky I could ask her in person at all, during a thrown together engagement party. She pouted and pouted and never gave me a straight answer after I gave her details to come to an informed decision. She wanted me to bend over backwards to even have her as a guest. Needlesstosay, we no longer communicate and it is just as well. So, you just never know how it will go. My best advice to you is to keep your bridal party small, only to those that are truly happy for you which is a very rare and selfless thing to find in a friend. If you have even the slightest concern about someone’s reliability or friendship/relationship with you, don’t ask them. Save yourself the trouble and only surround yourself with those who will comfort you and help contribute to a stress free environment. Those are the people you want to stand beside you, who will accept the position with the integrity and honor it is supposed to hold.
Post # 4
i don’t know if i’d say i regret asking one of my girls, but one of them has been frustrating me and i feel like she’s the one who regrets agreeing to be in my wedding. it makes me sad because she was so excited at first and now i feel like it’s a hassle for her (and the only thing she’s had to do so far is buy her dress!).
Post # 5
This question like asking if I regret my friendships. I don’t understand how people magically separate the reality of their relationships with their friends as soon as they “become” bridesmaids.
Post # 6
Not a bridesmaid, but I sort of regret having Fiance ask my brother to be a Groomsmen because his girlfriend is driving me crazy now.
Post # 7
I have no regrets, although I had….reservations a few times wondering if I’d made the right decisions. It turns out that I had!
Post # 8
i voted other because im happy with the two i have picked i regret not picking a third, but its too late now
Post # 9
I didn’t know it at the time but one of my BMs would just excel so greatly that she’s really like the Maid/Matron of Honor and I feel bad that she doesn’t have the title. And then my Maid/Matron of Honor is ridiculously difficult to track down. Like, disappears for weeks at a time. I had another Bridesmaid or Best Man who was just being a total baby about absolutely everything and needed near constant reassurance that they weren’t going to be left out of something. He worked himself into such a lather that he got pissed off when I didn’t respond to an email within 24 hours and quit. I was like, ooookay. Everybody else is peachy keen, jelly bean and I probably should have just stuck with them anyway.
Post # 10
I think as far as selecting wedding party goes, brides should try to wait a little bit after getting engaged before asking/deciding. Once engaged, it’s SO exciting to jump into planning and asking bridesmaids and groomsmen to be part of your big day, but so much changes in the span of engagements (especially long ones).
@Steph18: If your wedding isn’t until November of next year, why is it too late to select another bridesmaid?
Post # 11
@Steph18: Why is it too late? Your wedding is next year, have all the dresses and stuff been bought?
Post # 12
Yep, my stepsister, mostly because she’s a huge flake, and caused me no small amount of stress right up through the wedding. She’s my stepsister, though, I’ve known her basically all of my life, and it would have caused a HUGE to-do had I not had her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. As it was it caused a big to-do that I didn’t ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Ironically she got married on NYE of last year and I didn’t even find out about it until 2 weeks before…go figure.
Post # 13
I regretted one of my BMs. She was a nightmare from day one. She was way high maintenance and fought me on every little thing. Then she showed up for the wedding drunk off her ass. I was livid! We haven’t spoken since shortly after the wedding.
Post # 14
I have had one of those brightly burning fast friendships with a girl I was at university with.. we were inseperable for about a year and a half but after that she really began to grate on me. She brings out all of my bad qualities.. the whole ‘I’m better than you because..’ stuff. She plays games and expects me to like what she likes without question (prime example.. the first time I went to hers for coffee she just gave me it like she has it, dark no sugar.. I like mine milky with sweetner) and expects to me agree with her. She hates it when I don’t, or when I question her decisions.
We haven’t spoken properly since she didn’t come to my birthday BBQ even though her OH did. Because she doesn’t like my Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s made this very clear. She makes fun of her and asks rude questions about her size and her make up and her career choices. I hate this!
Anyway.. she’s just moved (didn’t tell me) so I’m trying to let things die down. If I don’t hear from her properly by the end of the year (I’ve tried contacting her) then I’m going to have one of those difficult ‘I don’t think you should still be in my wedding’ conversations.
Post # 15
I’m regretting asking one of my BMs. She’s my FI’s best friends girl friend (been together 4 years), so I know her really well. We’ve gone on weekend trips together, hiking, just hanging out.. etc. She even helped us when we were re-doing our house. So I asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.. and it’s like she just suddenly drops off the face of the earth. My Maid/Matron of Honor tried picking some dates for a shower to okay with everyone.. she says nothing & lets them pick a day she’s out of the country. I think I’ve talked to her about the wedding maybe five times.. and it’s like 2 1/2 months to the wedding. I get the feeling that she’s upset because her Boyfriend or Best Friend is dragging his feet with their relationship and the wedding is just sort of inflaming her feelings. But honestly, if she really didn’t want anything to do with the wedding, I would rather she said “I’m honored you asked, but I just have too much going on right now” or whatever. The worst part is she is the only bridesmaid that is local. I would have loved it if she went shopping with me or something, but she just doesn’t respond if I even try to contact her! Last time we talked, it took a MONTH for her to get back to me. She’s not even working now & she lives at home with her parents. I had to wait weeks for her to tell me if she wanted her hair or makeup done. I had to wait sending the deposit just for her. It makes me mad just thinking about it. But all my other bridesmaids & Maid/Matron of Honor are great! They all live far away, but have just been really supportive.
Post # 16
Nope. I chose my two closest friends (I’ve known them for 13 and 8 years respectively), my sister and SIL. None of them are people who are likely to drop out of my life, and in any case I view the Bridesmaid or Best Man role as being not much more than “wear dress, stand where they tell you to in church”. I’m not going to have a shower and don’t much care if I don’t have a hen.
If I was going to regret anything it’d be that I didn’t choose other close friends to be BMs, but that would only bother me if those friends were hurt that I hadn’t chosen them, and afaik they aren’t. So it’s all OK!