Have you set a date yet? OR YEAR?…uh what?

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ohhbitty:  I don’t know your FMIL, but from what you say I would say you might be overthinking it a little bit. Maybe she is just exited!


Post # 4
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@ohhbitty:  I think you’re over thinking it. Sounds reasonable to ask what year considering he’s in the military and it makes it a bit more difficult coming up with an exact date, though a year you’re hoping for wouldn’t be too far fetched to ask about. 

Post # 5
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would say it’s a normal question, especially since your FI is military and you don’t know when the next orders are, for how long, etc. So you don’t know how long your engagement is. But I don’t think your response was passive aggressive.

Post # 6
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@ohhbitty:  I guess it depends on the past history you have with her, if she typically makes comments that are inoccuous on paper but said in a snarky tone then I could see you reading between the lines, but otherwise I don’t see anything wrong with her comment.  I’ve had friends marry men in the military and did a courthouse wedding very quickly to marry before the next deployment and get benefits.  She could be asking if you’re intending to do a courthouse ceremony in the next few weeks?  Or I don’t know, if your fiance will be discharged at the beginning of 2016 maybe she might think you’d have a two year engagement to wait for that?  I imagine by year she meant that you might not have pegged down an exact date (obviously…3 days after the engagement) but that you know you want to shoot for a general time of year.  I wouldn’t read into it, text makes everyone look mildly snarky if you’re looking for it and if they aren’t demonstrably pleasant texters – ie “hey hon!  I’m parked out front, c’mon out :)” vs “I’m here.”  Haha did that make any sense?

Post # 9
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

When you get Engaged the most oft asked Questions / Statements (you’ll hear over and over again, that you’ll tire of them for sure) are:

1- Let Me See the Ring !!

2- How Did He Propose ?

3- When Is The Wedding ?

In reality, most people get Engaged don’t have a date the next second.  Some people haven’t even done enough research to have nailed down a Season (or in the case of yourself maybe the year)

And that is ok.

Don’t let others stress you out about this… you will work it out when you do.

My First Marriage we got Engaged at the end of August, knowing we’d get married the next year… it wasn’t until Christmastime when My Fiancé and I sat down with My Parents that we were able to narrow down our choices (he wanted Valentines… lol, ya right) I was leaning towards May (Victoria Day Long Weekend) or the end of August / Maybe Labour Day (again a long weekend cause he would have to have Relatives fly in from another State / Province).  AND I knew I didn’t want to be a June Bride… infact I didn’t want to marry at all in the HIGH HEAT of Summer.

In the end when we went to the Church, the Minister informed us that BOTH the long weekend dates were gone… so we had to go back to the Drawing Board… we ended up marrying in the Fall.  Just a little over a year from our Engagement.

Infact today a year is still about average length for an Engagement… especially so if the couple intends to throw a Traditional Big White Pouffy Family Wedding… so you were right in ball-parking late 2014 early 2015 to your FMIL.

And you didn’t say anything rude… nor did she.  I think she was ball-parking as well… and just curious if you two had given any more thought to the date.

Cause in reality, once you know the Date, the first 2 people that are usually told are the Moms.

Part of the reason being as they’ll be very concerned about what they’ll be wearing… and might need some time to think that all thru.  Talk back and forth with each other, and you regarding the “style” of your Wedding, Colours, Theme etc… so they can both get an outfit to look their best.

I know as a someday *fingers crossed* MOB / MOG that this will indeed my largest concern no doubt, and a way I can show support to my child by looking my best on their Big Day.

Hope this helps,


Post # 10
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ohhbitty:  😀 glad you feel better! Enjoy your engagement! 😉

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