Post # 1
Hi Bees! Need a little advice here! I have a bridesmaid that I haven’t spoken to in 2 months. To try to make a long story short, she was dating this guy who was cheating on her and then started beating her. She would show up at my door with bruises and crying, yet then run back to him. We sort of had it out one day because she told me that she couldn’t handle me always trying to get her to dump him and me always saying she could do better. She told me that if I wouldn’t stop saying that to quit calling her. So I did….and she’s still with him. And we haven’t spoken since. Should I just count her out? Should I ask her if she even still wants to be a part of the day? The wedding is about 3 months away, and now all of the final details are rolling in. I really don’t want to cal her but I don’t want to be rude. What should I do?
Post # 3
I think if you still value her friendship and you want her to be a BM, then definitely keep her as a BM. Give her a call and find out how she is doing, and if she’d still like to be a part of your day. You don’t have to discuss her situation with her boyfriend during this call; I’m not saying you were wrong to talk to her about it or that you should never talk to her about it again. Just make this particular call about finding out if she still wants to be a BM, and letting her know you still want her there. If she says “no thanks,” then at least you know and you can go forward with your new plans without her in the wedding party. But she may still really want to be in the wedding party and may really be missing your friendship and support right now.
Post # 4
It sounds like she’s still important to you and you are just giving her the space she asked for. I think friends can have falling-outs and reconcile later. It doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends for ever, but rather you’re just not close friends right now. You should evaluate if this is a “right now” fight or a “for ever” fight and if you feel you still want to be friends in the long run than call her and ask her if she still wants to be at your wedding. I would expect her to say “no” right now, but at least that way you will be acknowledging her feelings instead of just ruling her out. That way her feelings won’t be hurt just in case she wants to be friends in the future. It would be better to say it over the phone, but if it’s hard for you, just send her an honest letter and leave it up to her if she wants to respond or not.
Post # 5
I think you should definitely talk to her about it. Its not fair just to count her out if she still thinks she’s a part of the wedding. She may want to be out and thats fine but you did ask her so you owe her to have a conversation about it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
Ditto to what others are saying. If you still value her friendship, call her back and see what she wants. You don’t have to bring up the boyfriend situation, which I agree is awful. Just let her know you still want her in your wedding (if you do) and ask her if she still wants to be BM since your date is getting close.
Post # 7
I would call her one last time and asked if she still wanted to be apart of your day. Let her know that your feelings haven’t change regarding her boyfriend, but you still want her to be involved. If she doesn’t contact you after that, I say drop her.
Post # 8
I would leave the ball in her court if I were you. You made the right choice to speak up about her situation, as a friend you can’t ignore it. And she drew the line in the sand by saying if you can’t support her choice then don’t call. So you haven’t.
Unfortunately she’s a grown woman and if she wants to stay with an abusive BF she can. So there’s nothing you can do to make her leave him. But hopefully she will come around before it’s too late at which point you will be there for her.
As far as her being a BM, I’d keep an open mind if she chooses to come around, but count her out for the time being. If you want, you can think about sending her an email saying you don’t know where things stand with your friendship or BM status, but she’s welcome to be a part of your wedding and if so here is the info to order the dress, etc.