Post # 1
So, on the chance that Darling Husband and I do decide to TTC, I was wondering….
Him being in the military means he may not be aroud for the birth. No, it’s not something we can really plan around, unfortunately.
I don’t have any friends or family I can count on for support locally – ok, I don’t have any anywhere I can cout on for support. How difficult is it to have a baby alone? I mean, I do I can deliver alone, it’s the before and after I’m worried about. Can I drive while I’m in labor? Will I be able to cook once I get home? Go grocery shopping? Even drive home alone? What if I have complications and have to stay in/go to the hospital? Will DCFS take the baby then? I know I sound paranoid but I don’t want to get myself into a situation that’s really bad.
Post # 3
I can’t really offer any advice on the difficulty of raising a baby all alone but have you considered working on getting rid of that fear all together? Are there any neighbors you can start talking to? Maybe they will be willing to help you out? Start making friendships with neighbors. Maybe join some kind of a club.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
If you have complications from delivery, you and baby will probably still be in the hospital and will both stay there until you are well. Whether you can drive yourself to the hospital will depend on what your labor is like and how early you decide to leave. You can always call a cab. You will not be allowed to leave the hospital with your baby without a car seat properly installed, so that is something to consider. There are social support systems in place to help someone in your position, though. You should talk to your OB and delivery hospital about these concerns when you are actually pregnant. Also, you may very well meet other new or soon-to-be moms in birthing classes and other maternity classes who can help you and be part of a support network. All my friends who have given birth have been able to do normal housework (cooking, etc) once they were sent home from the hospital. It will certainly be harder if you Darling Husband is away, but it won’t be impossible.
Post # 5
I’ve tried to make friends…just not happening. I don’t want this to turn into that kind of thread!
Post # 6
@starrynight: It’s kind of related though. It would be helpful to build up a support system in anticipation of your husband’s deployment. Try going to meetup.com, or join some community based activities. Maybe catch the next DFW weddingbee meetup in your area. There are so many supportive bees, I’m sure one would be more than willing to help out in the flesh.
Post # 7
Are there women who are also miltary wives stationed where you are that could help you? Do they maybe have a support network for stuff like this? You can’t be the only one there in this position!
Post # 8
Trust me, I’ve tried making friends. it’s not going to happen. Way too complicated to explain here…and honestly, I’m tired of explaining it. I’m fine being alone normally, evwn during deployments, but a baby is different.
Post # 9
@starrynight: I’m in the same situation as you. I’m halfway through my first pregnancy and my husband, while not in the military, has a job that keeps him away from home for several days at a time each week, and he might not be here for the birth. I also understand how hard it is to make friends because I’m new to our town and it’s just not happening. Anyway, I’m planning on hiring a doula to help me through labor and delivery. I know I would probably be able to give birth on my own, but the thought just terrifies me, so I want to have someone with me to help me through the whole process. A birth doula can be with you during labor and drive you to the hospital, and you can also get a postpartem doula who will come to your home to check on you and baby, and help with chores like cooking. A lot of doulas offer free services for military wives whose hubands are deployed at the time of birth, so that might be a good option for you.
Post # 10
I also suggest a doula.
Barring all that talk to his Commanding Officer, or..whats it called? Civilian Advocate? The person who is supposed to keep an eye on you and help out. Greeter? no idea what they are called.
Post # 11
@starrynight: I can answer your first question, but not really your second because I’m not a single mom. Bearing in mind that I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, my Darling Husband was away when I went into labor so I did drive myself to the hospital at 6cm dilated with broken water. It was manageable for me, but like I said, I’m pretty good with pain.
As for if you can raise the baby alone – of course I’ve seen it done. DH’s sister is in the Army and he was gone for BOTH her children’s infancy. Personally, I don’t think I could do it alone but I also have anxiety disorder that would make that particularly difficult. My Darling Husband is a veteran Marine, and when he was honorably discharged he wanted to join the Air Force. I told him I would not raise any babies alone and that wasn’t an option for our marriage. He respected my wishes. If your Darling Husband is already in the military, there is only so much you can do at this point, but I would have the talk about re-upping and make sure if you two start TTC that’s not in his plans.
Post # 12
I understand that your Darling Husband cannot be around for most of your pregnancy but can’t he be around for the birth? I know multiple people whose husbands have come home for the birth and were usually allowed a 2 week leave.
You can do it but it is going to be extremely hard. Hopefully you will not need a c-section, but if you do then you may not be able to drive for 6-8 weeks. I would look to see if there are military support groups in your area. There may be other women who have or will be in the same situation and could offer to help. Do you also have any relatives that could fly out and assist the first week or two of recovery?
Post # 13
My husband is also in the military and is currently deployed. He’s “supposed” to get back about one month before I’m due, so I’m doing this all without him. Check with your base, the base I’m at has A LOT of support for new moms, especially those whose husbands are deployed. There’s a program here called the New Parent Support Program and I have a specfic woman who was assigned to me. (That sounds more official and less personal than it actually is!) She’s a registered nurse and comes over to my house every few weeks to talk about my concerns and just *be* there for me. She said that he’ll keep coming by and helping me as much as I need, especially closer to birth. My suggestion is to definitely check into the services your base offers—we are overseas so not only do I not have my family around, but we recently got out here, so I’m still making friends. I’m here if you ever want to chat or need anything!
Post # 14
No, he may not get to come home for a birth. If he was deploying with his unit, then yes, they’d try to hold him at home or send him home early (with the forward people) but his deployments from here on out will most likely all be IA (indvidual augmentee) which means ths unit overseas who needs him gets the say – and they DON’T care about babies. His branch doesn’t get R&R either, even for year long deployments. Ridiculous, but what can you do?
That also means I can’t expect any support from the unit, because their husbands are not all deployed together. This isn’t Army Wives…in fact, he recently returned from a six month deployment and not ONE of them contacted me the entire time, you know, just to make sure I was alive or anything.
The new parent program sounds interesting, but isn’t it geared towards younger enlisted wives? I think I’d feel really stupid asking for help we’re both educated and he’s higher ranking and we SHOULD be able to do this ourselves, plus I’d be afraid I’d be taking support from someone who needs it worse.
I was already planning on using a doula for the birth itself, but I’d never heard of a post partum one, so I will look into that as well.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
If you’re a military wife there should be resources for you on base including an officers wives club of some sort. Your husband could ask his direct commanding officer about resources available (if he doesn’t know he should know whom to refer to you on base.) Also, it might be a good idea to have a get together to get to know the spouses of other men and women in his deployment group before they are deployed. Once deployed some spouses are intimidated to contact you because they might find out something happened to your spouse which would cause them to worry about their own; you have to develop a supportive relaitonship before the deployment to avoid this. If you gave me more info about which base he’s out of I can direct you to specific resources.
I like the idea of a doula because she will put together a more personal experience for you and if you choose to or have to go to the hospital she can go with you and serve as your personal advocate. Most doulas offer pre and post partum support as part of their services.
Post # 16
I wish the other spouses were supportive, but they are not. Like I said, Army Wives is not the reality. Or maybe it’s just me they don’t like. In any case, I can’t depend on them.
I’ve been researching post partum doulas though, and that looks like it could be really helpful!