Post # 1
I am having an absolutely rotten day, mainly due to work issues.
I could quit my job and look for a better one (I took the first thing I could get after being laid off), but the main thing that is holding me back is the fact that we need my salary to pay for the wedding (we live together and he could cover the living expenses). At the moment I hate my job enough to cancel the wedding and elope this weekend, though hopefully I’ll be over that in the morning. But it got me thinking – is it too late? We’d lose $2200 in deposits, but considering the total cost of everything budgeted for our wedding is just shy of 20K, that’s not a bad price to pay. We’ve got over half of that saved up, and if we cancelled the wedding we could pay off my FI’s car. The one thing that has me holding back from mentioning this to my FI is the fact that we’ve sent out about 40 save the dates, because silly me just couldn’t wait to send them out. On top of that I have to do a lot of public speaking/presentations at my job in the next few weeks, which I am terrified of, which has me thinking about saying my vows in front of a ton of people.
Am I being irrational? Stupid? Is it just that it’s 1AM and I need to get some sleep.
PS: I should state that my original intent for our wedding was very small in Savannah, and it is now 100+ people in Atlanta. If we eloped I’d go back to my original plan of parents/sibling/one set of friends in Savannah.
Post # 3
You sound exactly like me! My wedding seems to be spinning out of control. I wanted something really small, and it is getting too big. I have only given about $2200 in deposits and I totally want to just call the whole thing off and get married in Hawaii in a small ceremony on the beach. Unfortunately for me my wedding is in October so it’s coming up really fast and I too have already sent out the save the dates. So I just don’t think I would have time. But I haven’t made up my mind yet…
I am sad because my wedding is becoming more about the guests and all the little details, such as the centerpieces and flowers, than about my finance and me. It makes me sad and we are fighting more and not even enjoying this engagement time together.
But honestly if my wedding was in March, like your seems to be, I would totally do it. I would send out another announcement saying something cute like "Change of Plans! We couldn’t wait!" and make it more of an announcement than an invitation. I say if it’s not what you wanted and you would be happy with the smaller ceremony go for it! Plus Savannah is gorgeous – I love that place. I have been there many times and every time I am amazed by it’s beauty and history.
Life is too short to not be happy, do not go to a job you hate and do a wedding you don’t want to do. And paying off debt is always better than acquiring more of it. Starting off a marriage with no debt makes for less financial problems in the future.
I am still considering changing my plans… Now I just have to convince my FH. ☺ My grandmother sent me an email an told me about how she didn’t do what she wanted for her wedding and she should have listened to her heart and not had 300 people attend. She told me it was my wedding and I should do what I want and forget everyone else or their perception of me. Every person who has ever been married will understand. I have the greatest grandmother ever!
Hope you feel better! 🙂
Post # 4
I am leaving my job. In a few weeks. Its set in stone. FH said we’ll borrow from our own savings and pay ourselves back. I say do what you have to. Can parents lend you money that you pay back? Can you cut back on certain wedding expenses? I think you should enjoy your wedding and its hard to do that when you’re miserable at your job. I know…
Post # 5
we lost about $1200 in deposits when we decided to forget about the family wedding and just elope with the 2 of us – best thing we ever did! for us it was asking each other the simple question "what do you want", putting ourselves first and talking honestly
i will advise that you really need to stop, breathe and be as clear headed as you can so you have no regrets later on
goodluck and hopefully you are feeling better about things soon
Post # 6
Definatley take a few days to just think. Maybe a day away? Take FI, and go to the beach, the park, somewhere that doesn’t have ‘wedding’ associated (if you’re like the rest of us, you have magazines, lists, etc. at home).
Talk about what is really important to you. If so-and-so came or did not come, would it diminsh the day for you? Are you doing a lot of the details for you and FI, or more for the guests? Decide what you need personally from the day. Is hating your job worth a big wedding? Don’t worry about anyone elses feelings, take some time and decide what is important to you. I know the costs and the work can spiral out of hand quickly.
Just breathe; you’ll figure it out! We’re having a small DW (b/c we’re saving for a house)- total cost? Under $4k. It will be the best day ever.