Post # 1
I have about 3 1/2 weeks left of maternity leave. My daughter will be 11 weeks old when I go back. I’m dreading it. I’ve been sitting here watching her sleep for the last hour and just bawling. I’ve spent every day with her for the last 8 weeks. I just honestly don’t know how I’m going to do it,
I know everyone says it gets better but it just makes me so sad that someone else gets to spend all day with her and I’ll get maybe a few hours a day before she goes to bed.
Im scared she’ll bond more with the daycare provider Than me. I don’t want her to be more attached to her than me!
staying home is not an option. We cant afford it, and my husband is getting laid off soon so I def have to go back.
I’m just so sad and I can’t stop crying. I don’t know if its normal to be this upset? Did anyone else go thru this? Does it really actually get better?
Post # 3
@Robin_Sparkles: It does get better but it will be hard. I’m sorry :/ I work in an infan room and we have new moms come in who are stressed and worried about leavin their little ones. So I send them pictures throughout the day to let them know they’re being taken care of and so mommy doesn’t feel all alone. Could you ask your daycare about doing that? And never feel like you can’t call just to check in. Of course I have a great relationship with all of my babies, but there is nothing like the look on their faces when mommy/daddy picks up at the end of the day.
Post # 4
It’s definitely hard, but yes, it really does get easier. My son is 10 months and has been in day care since 3.5 months. While it’s hard to leave them so young, I think it actually worked to his benefit because he never went through a real adjustment period – he was too little to really know where he was and now he’s just so used to it that he loves it. (Gets so excited when we drop him off in the morning.)
I was especially worried he would bond with one of his teachers more than he did with me, but sunshine is right – there is nothing like the look they have for their mommy at the end of the day. He has a huge attachment to one of his teachers (so much so that the other teachers call him her “stalker”!), but he still practically throws himself out of her arms, at me as soon as I walk in the room. They know who their mommy is!
I still struggle bringing him back after long weekends or vacations, but it does get easier, I promise. My biggest suggestion would be to work hard to establish relationships with the teachers. I see some of the parents drop off/pick up their kids without saying much more than “hi” to the teachers, but I make sure I leave myself time to talk to them about his day, what we’re working on with him, etc.
Post # 5
ask for pictures! Sometimes it makes it better sometimes worse, but in the begining I got texts, pictures and phone calls every few hours. It was great.
Post # 6
@Robin_Sparkles: Oh my gosh, that’s so sad! How you’re feeling is perfectly normal, though.
Is the daycare center close enough so you can visit your LO during the day? I didn’t go back to work until my son was 4 years old and even then it killed me. I missed him so much after being a SAHM for over 4 years. But I had him in a preschool/daycare that was close to my office so I could visit him every day at lunch. Sometimes it was nap time and I would lay on the mat with him and read him stories (whispered), lol. The other little kids who were awake would sometimes join us. I was lucky, the manager was ok with it.
I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, I can’t imagine how hard that must be. ((hugs))
Post # 7
If your husband is getting laid off soon (I’m sorry!), could he stay home with baby? Then at least it’s not a stranger?
Post # 8
Oh you poor thing! I am also expecting and anticipate going through the same thing you are going through when it’s time for me to go back to work. The only reccommendation I can give you would be to check out as many daycares/in-home sitters as you can until you fight the right match. I just talked with a girlfriend who is on a 5 month leave (she’s a teacher so summer off in additon to her leave) and she said she cried for weeks when she was scheduling tours. Then she cried after leaving each appointment b/c she couldn’t imagine leaving her daughter at that place. However, she eventually met with an in-home daycare provider whom she hit it off with instantly. I guess their meeting lasted for hours and she knew this was the right fit. So, hopefully once you find someone you know will be great with your LO, the anxious feeling will subside at least a little. Good luck!!
Post # 9
That must be so hard 🙁 That is one of the things I worry about when DH & I eventually have kids. As a PP suggested, is there any way that your DH can stay home with the baby? At least until he finds a job? Maybe then it will give you more time to get used to the idea of daycare, so it won’t be so bad when the little one has to go. *Hugs*
Post # 10
@Robin_Sparkles: Just posting to say my baby is only 5 weeks right now, but I’m already thinking the same things as you, as we will most likely be putting her in day care at 12 weeks. Everything you’re feeling is normal — I’m scared of leaving her there all day, scared she’ll bond with the day care staff more than with her dad and me, etc… My only consolation is that I’ve seen my sister go through this with all of her kids, and they are all wonderful children who love their mom more than anything. So it must turn out ok. But it really is hard! I’m dreading the end of my maternity leave.
Post # 11
@Robin_Sparkles: What everyone says it does get easier. As for your fears of your little girl loving your provider more, believe me no one can top mommy/daddy. My little boy loves his daycare provider but definately loves his mommy/daddy much more.
What I did was the first few months was text/call and checked up on my little guy quite a bit. The providers are used to 1st time mommies doing this.
Post # 12
Thank you ladies. Yes, if my husband can’t find a job right away he’ll def be staying home with him. He’s got his job until October so she’ll at least be in daycare a few months. He’s already started looking so hopefully he’ll find something before he’s laid off but I doubt he’d find anything paying enough to allow me to stay home.
Unfortunately she won’t be close enough for me to visit on breaks. There’s no place close to my work either.
I n know I just need to suck it up and deal, but look at this face…..who wouldn’t miss spending their days with her!
Post # 13
My son is 5.5 months and I went back to work after 12 weeks. I was so nervous and so afraid that he would be scared/feel abandoned/cry inconsolably/etc. I cried a lot the days before going back and on my way to work. He on the other hand, did not seem to give a crap that I was gone! Totally happy, normal day for him. When I got home, he didn’t have a big reaction, was just like “oh, hey lady, you’re here again.” Now that he is a bit bigger and really recognizes his people, when I get home he looks at me for a second or two and breaks out into a huge grin. I got back into my routine fairly quickly, and while I wish I could be a SAHM, being back to work has been okay. Baby still loves me most of all, and we spend lots of quality time together – for example, we were up at 1am, 4am, and 6am last night before starting the day at 7am! You will be OK, it does get better!!!
Post # 14
i have no advice for you but i just wanted say im really sorry 🙁
this is one of my biggest fears for when my husband and i have kids. i can’t imagine how you must be feeling.
best of luck to you.
ps… that is one damn cute baby!!! congrats!
Post # 15
I’m sorry your are feeling this way. Maternity leave policies suck in the US. We women need to work together to change this sorry state of affairs . . .
Post # 16
I just wanted to offer a hug. My sister had her son in daycare/precshool as she had to work as well (and preferred to work actually) and her son and her are so close. Him being in daycare did not affect their relationship at all and maybe cuold have contributed to how close he is with his mother.